tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post8267665422383949813..comments2023-11-05T09:53:20.998+00:00Comments on A Kind Dom: When a D/s marriage turns to abusePygarhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11913556740445196578noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-20330004915713309782016-06-27T02:43:53.055+01:002016-06-27T02:43:53.055+01:00I look forward to your future developments on this...I look forward to your future developments on this topic. It wouldn't be hard to figure out that I have had an unpleasant 'love affair'. I think it happened because I made grand assumptions about living the 'lifestyle'. I actually thought that it was a real honest to goodness way of life. All encompassing. All in or not in at all. For me, for us, it was never going to be that because we wanted a future. A life. Family. Separate careers. Where does all of that fit into the fantasy? It doesn't, does it?<br /><br />I'm now enjoying a loving relationship (a forever one!) and enjoying my kink again. Yay! But, I worry. Have others made the same mistake I did and given away more than they should have? I looked and found no one I could talk to. I got through it, but at a cost. <br /><br />Anyhow, for now I shall thank you for listening, you really are kind :)<br />Anon xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-29005665898411813132016-06-20T17:59:00.651+01:002016-06-20T17:59:00.651+01:00I hope so too Anon.
Though I hope I may have tim...I hope so too Anon. <br /><br />Though I hope I may have time to develop some further thoughts about this for a post in the near future.<br /><br />Thanks<br /><br />P xxPygarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11913556740445196578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-76555378149672020022016-06-20T04:28:18.266+01:002016-06-20T04:28:18.266+01:00Thanks P
I do hope I inspire more comments. I'...Thanks P<br />I do hope I inspire more comments. I've looked and looked and no one is asking these questions or talking about any of this. Isn't the proof of a relationship that it stands the test of time? How does this lifestyle and those who promote it, plan for the inexorable passage of time?<br /><br />My rumination on this topic comes from the term 'play' for intimate time spent between dom and sub, or master and slave, etc. It seems far too cavalier a term for something so intense and intimate. <br /><br />Anyone else ever consider this? <br />Anon xxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-27526653203405034292016-06-19T12:47:47.333+01:002016-06-19T12:47:47.333+01:00Thanks anonymous. I agree that psychological abuse...Thanks anonymous. I agree that psychological abuse can be extremely damaging and perhaps is often even less easily recognised than physical abuse.<br /><br />You raise some other very interesting points. Perhaps they may inspire some future posts on here so watch out for them!<br /><br />P xxPygarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11913556740445196578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-42840245220459245602016-06-19T04:21:36.934+01:002016-06-19T04:21:36.934+01:00Abuse can be more than physical, nay, psychologica...Abuse can be more than physical, nay, psychological abuse is even worse. A dom who doesn't know him- or herself can cause irreparable harm without even being aware. I am not convinced that living this life, this 24/7 D/s 'lifestyle', is possible at all. It's all fantasy, and keeping that in mind is key. If indeed it's all about compromise and negotiation, then it's all smoke and mirrors and so be it. Yay for smoke and mirrors. We come together for mutual satisfaction - whether sexual or otherwise - but maintaining personhood is crucial. If marriage lasts forever, when does the 'playing' end due to age, infirmity, children, etc ?<br />Just another two cents.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-2629502835610978952016-03-06T20:52:07.392+00:002016-03-06T20:52:07.392+00:00Thank you Willow. I think your thoughts are worth ...Thank you Willow. I think your thoughts are worth more than two cents!<br /><br />You give a very insightful description of the difference between an abuser and a Dam. I suppose I am concerned though about those women who may not be as insightful and whether the nature of the relationship is such that they may be being misled.<br /><br />- P xxPygarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11913556740445196578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-72827605801331592312016-03-06T04:22:40.104+00:002016-03-06T04:22:40.104+00:00I'd say the proof of the pudding lies both in ...I'd say the proof of the pudding lies both in the intent and in how happy and fulfilled the sub is with the dominant's treatment. <br />A good dominant builds his or her submissive up - to be the best they can be, to grow. Play and discipline and/or punishment, if that's part of their relationship, are to help the sub grow and to foster a closer connection, deeper intimacy, and to bring harmony to the relationship as a whole. When things go bad, there might be fear of a future without the formerly good guidance of dominant, but not the fear of retribution.<br />An abuser tears down and makes the victim feel less - less worthy, less competent, less lovable, less able to leave the dominant for fear he or she wouldn't be able to make it on his or her own, or for fear what the abuser might do if s/he found out the victim's intent to leave.<br />A dominant responds to his sub's needs and his own. An abuser to his own primarily. <br />Just my two cents...Willow Rosenberghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14245137812808230631noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-67458015511284471342016-02-04T19:24:21.484+00:002016-02-04T19:24:21.484+00:00Thank you very much mouse for your thoughtful repl...Thank you very much mouse for your thoughtful reply.<br /><br />You write, <i>"Those lines are never clear, except for perhaps retrospect?"</i><br /><br />Yes, I think that is the point I am struggling to make. From outside we can perhaps be clear as to what counts as D/s and what counts as abuse. However from inside the relationship those lines may be less clear. Indeed they may almost be irrelevant at the time.<br /><br />If so is that an issue? In which case how can it be resolved?<br /><br />P xxPygarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11913556740445196578noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1794291026218471965.post-45767425221749391212016-02-04T18:59:38.146+00:002016-02-04T18:59:38.146+00:00Those lines are never clear, except for perhaps re...Those lines are never clear, except for perhaps retrospect? <br /><br />Lines between abuse and consent are often drawn by society and pressure to conform. For some, the fact that Omega controls what mouse wears, where she goes, etc., and holds her accountable when she fails to meet an expectation of His, could very easily be construed by some to be abusive. <br /><br /> Now, there have been cases where the sub was clearly being domineered and not simply dominated, and mouse doesn't mean to imply otherwise. <br /><br />mousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17837530120535693314noreply@blogger.com