Monday, 19 May 2008

safewords and trust

lili wrote a post on her blog recently about "safewords".

Safe words are often used in a bdsm context for safety. It means an intense scene can take place which might involve some pleading from the sub which does not result in the Dom relenting. However she knows that if she uses her safe word then the scene will stop immediately. It can help some subs feel safe, knowing they can trust their Dom to stop if they use that word. Just the giving of such a word can help establish a level of trust.

Many established D/s couples do not use safe words as their trust goes further than that.

I think that is what lili was describing. She wants to be part of a relationship where the trust level is so strong that she can be so submissive as to give the whole of the responsibility of the scene to her Dom. In that way she feels she could be taken even closer to the "edge of beyond" and undergo even more intense experiences than might be possible if she was tempted to use her safe-word when things became difficult.

She is prepared to accept things might go wrong as in the example I gave below - Mistakes. But as long as she was truly loved and cared for then she feels she would be able to get through it.

Perhaps it is just a dream ...

but we can all have our dreams. I hope lili's come true for her one day.


Odoriko said...

Yes, that would be something special indeed, to not need a safeword. Personally, the people I have entered into BDSM with before (numbering 2) I have trusted almost entirely. However something else to think about is that accidents can happen, and a dom may not know that he is hurting too much or causing unintended harm. For me, a safeword is protection against such happenings.

Pygar said...

Thanks Odoriko. I think there is a lot of importance about the sub feeling safe. If she feels safer with a safe word then I think it is a good idea to have one. It may then be that she never needs to use it - but knows she can if necessary.