Thursday, 27 August 2015

unfaithful - 2

While I was back in the UK during December I started corresponding with a submissive American woman who lived in Shanghai. She was happily married with two kids, except ...

Well, you probably know the story, she was submissive but her husband wasn't dominant. He was unable to meet her submissive and possibly masochistic needs. She'd had a relationship with a European, dominant, married man who was also working in Shanghai. It had worked well and met both their needs, apparently without any strong feelings of guilt. However, he had been sent elsewhere by his business. A meet up with another Dom had not gone well.

On my return to Shanghai Inès encouraged me to meet her. I hoped it might be possible to develop a friendship and possible relationship involving the three of us. So we met and it went great. There was an obvious attraction and eagerness to take it further. Some online play ensued while we tried to set up further meetings. Then she had a major family crisis that involved her returning to the US and I have heard little from her since.

I tell this story though as an example of something I have heard from many online submissive female friends. I am sure it will also have been covered in Uncle Agony. I know of many submissive women whose husbands have been unable to meet their needs. This has often been after they have discussed the issues and the husbands have sometimes tried to be the dominant their wives crave but have found themselves unable to carry it off successfully. Some of those subs have gained some solace in online play and others through real meet ups or relationships - through being unfaithful.

I wonder what readers think of this. Is it better for a woman to have a secret relationship to keep their marriage going? Alternatively should they break up with all the additional hurt and damage if they have children? Or should they just put up with it? Perhaps some of you are in this situation and have found your own solution? Do share your thoughts and experiences.

Thursday, 20 August 2015

Unfaithful

I had a very friendly comment recently from Ruby Little and followed the links to her blog Bound by Him. There I found a very moving post titled Unfaithful. I do hope some of the issues are resolving themselves for Ruby.

Reading it stimulated a number of thoughts. Firstly I was struck by the fact that Ruby felt guilty that her husband had been cheating on her. It was as if in some way she felt it was her fault, that she had not given him enough so he had to look elsewhere. Though clearly she is also hurt and angry because the trust and mutual respect so essential in a D/s relationship have been destroyed. I wondered if this was a common response in such circumstances - to reflect the guilt back on oneself?

I started to wonder again about the nature of monogamous relationships and wondered if in the pressures of today's society that such exclusivity is almost bound to give rise to such problems. I know it did for me in a previous relationship when I was the guilty party. My current relationship with Inès is an open relationship though we have not pushed this aspect hard. I hope that as long as we each know when the other has desires and needs that they want to be met elsewhere then if we are open about it then such encounters can be accommodated by our relationship. As long as we are open and honest then the trust and respect is maintained. Moving towards this in a conventional marriage is very hard. I wonder though in starting new relationships whether that is something that could be discussed and agreed from the start and whether that would allow un all to be happier with fewer break ups.

I think also that when a partner does go elsewhere for sex it is not necessarily because sex with the current partner is unsatisfactory. It can be that perhaps we are led into looking for variety and change. Perhaps if that is accepted it can help sustain a relationship.

Or then again I may just be talking nonsense! What do others think?

Thursday, 13 August 2015

Can online ever be a substitute for a face to face relationship?

I am sure I have written about online D/s and bdsm relationships before. I have had some very intense, real and lasting online relationships that have been very powerful and have stirred strong emotions.

So I was interested in an email while I was away from a reader who had fallen in love and wanted a real D/s relationship. However his girl was married and was only prepared to accept an online relationship. Could it be made to work?

I have reprinted his email (with permission) onto the Uncle Agony blog. You can read it here.

You can also read my very unsatisfactory response. It was written very hurriedly. If you can come up with further thoughts that would be great.

Friday, 31 July 2015

Home from Shaghai

Hello!

 Yes, I'm back home. However I am up to my neck with moving into a new apartment, having relatives staying from abroad, helping Inès sorting out her apartment, getting used to being back in the UK, catching up on lots of creative and business ventures, getting in touch with old friends and ...

 well you know.

 So I am sorry if you are feeling neglected. There are a couple of people who I have promised to write about on here an Uncle Agony so a special apology to them. I do plan to be writing regularly here again soon so please watch this space and let everyone know that I am back!

Sunday, 8 March 2015

Casting call ...

I received an email last week from a TV production company called Magilla Entertainment. They are located in NYC and specialize in non scripted programming. Some of their shows include Long Island Medium on TLC, Moonshiners on Discovery, and Beachfront Bargain Hunt on HGTV. As I am in the UK I don't know anything much about their programming as they are a NY based company but there is more about them and their shows on their website.

They wondered if some of my followers, newer to BDSM or curious about it, might be interested in an opportunity to take part in a new docu-series about people who want to change their lives in 21 days. One episode will feature couples who are bored with their vanilla sex life, and are looking to spice it up with kink and BDSM.

They have asked if I might be interested in being one of their BDSM experts to coach the couples through their transition. So who knows, I may even be involved. The full details are below. If you are interested please contact them directly. Do let us know if any of you do get in touch with them.

WANT TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE?

Is your sex life too vanilla? Do you want something different? Inspired by the 50 Shades of Grey craze, Magilla Entertainment and a major cable network are looking for couples who want to add a little more spice to their relationship for 21 days. This series will document the couple as they go on this transformative journey of finding ways to improve their sex life with the help of an expert. Following the “21 Day Myth” in which people can mentally and physically make changes after this certain time period, this docu-series will capture the excitement and the fears of the couple as they test out this new lifestyle change. If you are interested, contact us ASAP at castingdirector@magilla.tv with “SEX LIFE” in the subject along with your names, ages, location, occupation, contact numbers, recent photos and a brief paragraph about why you want to change your sex life.

Wednesday, 31 December 2014

BDSM 101

If you would like to have a go at this perhaps you might like to copy it into the comments section or onto your own blog. I would be very pleased to have responses emailed to me (at beaudejournee@yahoo.co.uk please.) I will try to reply to any that I receive (with assessment and grading of course!)

Good luck


BDSM 101
End of Semester examination paper
Answer all questions

Time allowed: 90 minutes

Section A

1. RACK or SSC?
a) What do these acronyms mean? Explain in detail.
b) Why are they important?
c) What are the advantages and disadvantages, strengths and weaknesses of each?
d) Which do you adhere to? Justify your decision.

2. Trust is key to any BDSM relationship. Give an example from your own experience of where trust has broken down and describe the consequences.

3. Overheard at a munch. "In the end it is all about sex isn't it?" What do you think he meant? Was he right?

4. Sarah and James were in a close BDSM relationship for 5 years. Sarah suffered from bipolar disorder which was mostly controlled through medication. Before meeting James, Sarah used to self-harm, often through cutting herself. Whilst in the BDSM relationship with James she no longer felt a need to do this. Their BDSM play was somewhat extreme. It involved needle play, stress bondage positions and heavy beatings including use of a whip. Eventually the relationship broke down. Some months later Sarah went to a police station with her lawyer. She claimed she had been restrained, whipped and beaten by James and although she acquiesced at the time, that because of her mental condition she was unable to give informed consent. She showed photographs of scars on her back and breasts. How should the police respond?

Section B

1. Write a haiku about pain.

2. Complete this paragraph, "I am a submissive/switch/dominant (delete as appropriate) because ... The final paragraph should contain EXACTLY 100 words.

3. Write a short story or poem that illustrates the sensuality of submission.


Wednesday, 24 December 2014

Festive Reading

If the festivities all get too much for you ...

... then why not find a quiet corner and browse through some of the "Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2014".

There are many that I know but also lots that I don't. It looks like fun reading.

Monday, 22 December 2014

Festive Greetings

Wishing all of my readers the compliments of the season. I hope you find some peace and tranquility as well as lots of fun. Beau has posted slightly more scurrilous festive greetings here.

I will not have time to write much more before I return to Shanghai straight after Christmas.

I have however drafted and scheduled one more post. It is in the way of being a New Years quiz which many UK newspapers often set at this time of year. However I have done it in the style of a college examination paper. It is intended as a bit of fun but has a serious element to it. If you would like to have a go then you could write your response in the comments or on your own blog if you have one. If you would prefer to email it then send it direct to me at beaudejournee@yahoo.co.uk (my gmail accounts work less well in China but should now divert to the yahoo account anyway.)

I have scheduled the post to appear on New Years Eve.

If you write your response on your blog I would be very grateful if you were able to send me a copy as Blogger and Wordpress are difficult to access in China.

Good luck

Pygar/Beau


Thursday, 18 December 2014

back from Shanghai

Not had time to discover much of kink in Shanghai though I am sure it exists. There is a group on Fetlife. I haven't mastered the software yet though to get through the new Great Wall of China - of Internet control and censorship.

Since I got home I have exchanged a few online words with some Shanghai kinksters so maybe I will get up to some more fun there soon. I also started a discussion with a Shanghai blogger. Do check out her very interesting blog Consensual Roughness with lots of good discussions. (You can find the discussion section by clicking on Rough House.) I think you might like it ...


Wednesday, 17 December 2014

being really scared

Bitch recently commented as anonymous on a previous post scared.

I was interested to reread the previous comments on this post. It was quite fascinating. The notion of fear within the bdsm dynamic could possibly be quite central. I don't want Inès to fear me but by coincidence I found myself a few days ago fantasising about causing fear to a sub.

Bitch also brought into the discussion the issue of being strong but wanting to totally let go into submission.

I may post her question soon on Uncle Agony.



Thursday, 4 December 2014

some sad news

I am sorry to start my first post on my return from Shanghai with some sad news

An online friend wrote to me a few weeks ago to let me know that David who wrote the blog DSinVegas - A View From The Top had sadly passed away. I did not know David well but we had corresponded a few times over the years.

I know of others who have disappeared from the internet and close online friends have never go to know what was the reason. So if you think you have readers of your own blog who may have known David perhaps you might pass on the sad news.

Thank you.

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Tomorrow ...

... I catch the plane to Shanghai via Istanbul.

I am not sure how easy access to Blogger is from there or how much time I will have for posting. So I may be saying cheerio until the end of November. Do pop in occasionally though in case I have found an opportunity to post.

I had planned a special post to keep you thoughtful and active while I am away but I'm afraid that preparations and other complications have not left me time. Who knows though - perhaps I will write it in Shanghai. I think you will find it interesting.

If you are in Shanghai - then drop me a line.

Have fun while I am away.

P xx

Sunday, 3 August 2014

fetish

Hey - I'm not in Shaghai yet, but I am going to Hamburg for a week. While I'm away any thoughts on the topic of 'fetish'?

BDSM seems inextricably linked with domination and submission. How though does fetish link in to this? Some fetishes - like a foot fetish for instance - seem to have little directly to do with D/s. However feet kissing for instance could be seen as a very submissive act.

Is is sometimes to do with the sensuality of things like leather, latex, rope, chains that are often used in a BDSM scenario?

Is fetish part of your relationship? Is it intrinsically linked to the dominant/submissive or BDSM nature of your relationship or is it totally separate?

Friday, 25 July 2014

gifts

I read a piece on Fetlife recently where a sub was wondering why submission was often said to be a gift. Surely, she wrote, subs submit because they get something out of it. In that sense they are doing it for themselves. D/s relationships exist because each is getting satisfaction and fulfilment from it.

Her argument seemed very sound but part of me felt that there was something so powerful about submission that it at least felt like a gift. I wrote a comment to that effect and I finished by wondering if domination was then a gift too.

Then I looked back on this blog and discovered I had written almost exactly the same thing three years ago here. Then many subs described domination as a gift also. What do readers think now. Is there something special about submission that makes it a unique gift - or can dominance be a gift too?

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Shanghai

In a few weeks I am hoping to be going to China for most of the following 12 months. I am not planning to keep my blogs active while I am away. If you are from Shanghai or know the city well do write to say hi!

I have only one draft post ready before I go. So if there are any topics that you would like to see discussed here or old topics that you feel could be revisited then do write and let me know.