changes

I hope I am not upsetting too many of my readers when I own up to the picture of Pygar at the head of this blog not being me. The Picture is of John Phillip Law in the film Barbarella.

I am much older than he was in that photograph. Though with age one gathers experience and expertise. Together with a little kindness and sense of perspective it has helped me be fortunate on a few occasions to have received similar kindness from some wonderful female friends.

I was faithful to my wife for over 27 years. For reasons I still do not fully understand I decided soon after turning fifty to have my mid-life crisis before it got too late. Since then I have had some wonderful experiences and relationships that have enriched my life. The gifts of submission I have received have been dauntingly humbling. There have been sensual pleasures and delights I had hardly dreamed of. One relationship in particular is burned on my heart and soul forever.

At the start of this I imagined that ten years on it might be time to stop. That when I reached sixty it might be time to return to the quieter, more insular existence I had before.

I will be sixty in a few weeks.

But I am still reasonably fit and active and kind friends say I still look much younger. There are a surprising number of young (to me!) women who like older men. So ...

Part of me wonders if I should just let my new and secret life continue to develop or should I "retire" from my salacious activities or ...

... or should I go for a more major change in my life? A completely new direction throwing the whole of myself into it rather than it being at the fringes of my existence?

As a beautiful female friend used to say to me often:

life is for living

Uncle Agony

The Uncle Agony blog still continues. It is a space where readers can share questions and offer solutions.

Recently a commenter to this blog asked "... as a newbie sub, I would appreciate any advice you could give as to how to avoid the abusers...especially when the starting point is meeting online?"

I have published it as a question on Uncle Agony. Do please feel to offer your own perspectives and advice.

caned

She had not been caned for two years. Her previous parter had turned out to be a sadistic abuser and had caused her harm. But she wanted to experience being caned again.

I felt honoured that she trusted me as a "real Dom" to administer it. They were her words rather than mine! I would not presume to describe myself in such a way.

I sent her to fetch the cane and started counting slowly. I got to twenty three before she returned with the cane. We spent a couple of hours in a variety of play activities before we came back to the cane. She was a little concerned. She had lost weight over the last couple of years. Less "padding" on her bottom! We played a little with the cane - tapping her playfully as she gave me oral before I laid her on her front on the bed and started again just administering gentle taps with an occasional firmer stroke. Then I told her I would administer 23 strokes to match the count of the time for her to find the cane. After each stroke she would count and ask for a harder stroke or a softer stroke or for me to stop. She asked if she could ask for a stroke that was the same strength and I agreed.

I started with a light stroke. I expected her to ask for a harder stroke to please me. She asked for another the same. Each time she asked for another the same. They were gentle strokes but enough to mark her sensitive bottom. I perhaps increased the strength of the blows a little but not much.

When we got to 23 she did not ask for more. I asked if she would take two more to make it 25 strokes. She was unsure at first then agreed.

I asked if she wanted them quickly together to get them over with or one at a time. She asked me to decide. I gave her two quickly then stroked her bottom, took her into my arms and held her.

But she was eager to get up, to see the marks, to have them photographed!

She seemed thrilled with her achievement. It was a delight to see.

But if there is a next time I will suggest harder strokes or more strokes ...

... or both!

avoiding abusive Doms

An online friend left her husband because she came to realise that she was not in a D/s relationship but in an abusive relationship. She said that reading this blog had helped her come to realise the truth. That gave me some concerns about the power of words written here over a glass of wine.

But things seemed to work out well. There were of course teething troubles but she had found her life again and relished it.

It was not long before she found another Dom and fell in love. It all seemed to be going fine until ...

Well - until it became apparent that her new Dom friend was not all he seemed. He was telling lies, had a number of subs who were all the "special one".

There were further complications from both these men of psychological control and abuse. It saens and angers me that there are men out there who pretend to be Doms but who are just manipulative abusers. A true Dom would recognise the precious gift of submission, cherish it and love and care for his sub.

But how does a sub distinguish the true Dom from the abuser? I know many who have struggled with this problem and been hurt. The trouble is that many "Doms" are not aware of the distinction between domination and abuse.