active vs passive submission

I was reminded of this by a recent post by David in A view from the Top. He wrote of exactly this issue here.

I was sure I had written about this before at least once. However when I looked back I could just find one post of mine that remained in draft, never having been published. It looks still unfinished. I wrote it in February 2008!!!! My thoughts then were:

"Many Dom's expect their subs to be passive. They should not use their initiative but wait to be told what to do. In extreme cases their lives can be micro-managed by their Dom. This can be useful in training situations to emphasise and embed the control of a Master or just as a helpful discipline on occasions. However for much of the time I prefer more active submission. Is it not the purpose of a sub to provide for the pleasure and happiness of their Master? Should they expect to have to be told before knowing that he would like a cup of tea, or to have her display herself gracefully or offer herself for a spanking just in case it should be necessary?"

In response to David's post on this subject I responded with the following:

"Thank you David. "Active vs passive submission." It is a hobby horse of mine. I thought I had written about it and on searching have discovered I did two years ago but it is still in draft! I am afraid I am often too long getting my brain into gear. As a Dom my own personal preference is for active submission. That is not to say that a sub should not be obedient and at times passive - but I am not so interested in that model. I do not want a doormat. I want an intelligent, bright, enthusiastic sub. Surely the role of a sub is to please her Master. Is that not active rather than passive? Perhaps I am just lazy but I do not always take my pleasure through ordering my sub around. Rather I would delight in her constantly searching for ways to please her Master. I have always tried to "train" my subs in that way. It can be difficult to do so. For many subs submission can be an easy way out. No longer do they have to think for themselves - their Master will decide. Submission should not be intellectually easy. A sub should be thoughtful and dedicated to the pleasure of her Master. I am sure she could delight herself in such activity and in doing so give great pleasure to her Master. Yes of course - there is a place for passivity. The Master will take control and direct. It is central to the dynamic. But subs should not neglect the active service in searching for ways to please their Master."

So what do my readers think?

Internal Enslavement

I have just come across this concept recently by chance. There is a webpage here if you want to investigate it further. I don't think there is anything specifically new about it in the theme of D/s. It is just at one end of the notion of control and emphasises the psychological aspect.

I found a fetlife thread about it here. (Sorry non-members may not be able to see it all.)

However, this quote from it seems to sum it up well,

"Internal Enslavement is a particularly intense (OK, that's a controversial word, but I can't think of a better one, "extreme" sounds pretentious) version of the Master/slave/Owner/property dynamic where the Master/Owner uses conditioning techniques to sculpt and change the mind of the property. Some aims of the conditioning may be: Making it psychologically impossible for them to disobey or leave. Helping them to like things the didn't like before. Helping them to get over their psychological issues. Getting them to the point where they center their entire life unthinkingly around the master/owner. Changing all their reactions to "I'm doing this to please my master" to "I'm doing this because it's the way it should be done; was there ever any other way?"

Ideally this is all done in collusion with the slave - i.e. the slave understood and consented in the beginning, and thought that this conditioning was a Good Idea, and willingly went along with it. The process takes years and years; it's not quick and there is usually a long period in the beginning where the slave can bugger off if they change their minds. The conditioning has to be kept up, as the slave can slide out of it if nothing happens for years.

IE is Not For Everyone. It's waaay at the far end of the M/s/O/p dynamic spectrum. The slave has the rights that their owner grants them, and that's all. The owner holds the rights for the slave, because the slave has (after the IE is in place) has no recourse and can't leave unless the owner decides that they can. Again, it's Not For Everyone. Anyone who is made uncomfortable by the idea Should Not Be Doing This."

I suppose there are a number of 24/7 D/s lifestyle practices that are not for me and that I could have some concerns about. But this in particular somehow worries me a bit more.

Perhaps it is the "consensual" part. A sub would enter into this in a consensual way - wanting to be moulded in this way to be a better sub. In that way it is no different from any other D/s model of "slavery". Except for one thing. In any other model a slave in our modern society could tear up her slave contract and walk out having exacted whatever retribution she felt appropriate! (Ouch!!!)

But the whole point of IE seems to be to develop the control in a specifically psychological way. It is conditioning or brain-washing.

Most D/s relationships include development and discovery of finding deeper aspects of submission and domination. There is a journey that many wish to travel together and explore. However that seems different from one person messing with the mind of another in quite a deliberate way to control her. We are messing with each others minds in close relationships all the time - mostly unintentionally.

But perhaps it is just me being too queasy about people wanting to develop a real and true vision of slavery in modern society ...

I'm still queasy about it though.

sadism, masochism and sensuality - revisited

A little while ago I posted a discussion about this as a result of an interesting email I had received. I wrote about it here and also on Uncle Agony here. The comments are also relevant.

I have found this an interesting discussion and was pleased when S wrote at length in response as a blog post here. I wrote my response to S there as a comment.

I will summarise some of the issues here from my point of view but would urge you to read the full text on S's blog. She may see it from a very different perspective.

I think I am having difficulty with the distinction between sensuality and sexuality. When does a sensual pleasure become a sexual pleasure? I believe that some of the things S seeks I would describe as sensual pleasures. Yet she needs to ensure they are not sexual pleasures to maintain her commitment to someone very close to her. I know others who have struggled in this way.

So how can it be resolved?

Is S right - that she can have a close D/s and BDSM relationship without threatening her primary relationship as long as this new relationship is non-sexual? Am I right that such a relationship is as close as a sexual relationship?

Are we both right? Are we both wrong ...

... or perhaps somewhere in between!!!!

Do tell us what you think - either here or on Mind / Body / Spirit

new to submission

t wrote here to Uncle Agony. She is becoming aware for the first time of her submissive nature and desires ... trying to come to terms with them alongside her day to day personality and wondering where next.

I wonder how many readers can think back to when they were trying to come to terms with realisations of their submissive needs and desires and how to meet them? How difficult was it? Was it a shock? Were you frightened or confused? How did you come to terms with accepting the new you? How did those closest to you?

spanking and depression

I have written about depression and submission before here.

However I have received an email about spanking and depression which I have published on the Uncle Agony blog here. I hope some of you may visit and add helpful comments.

However it got me thinking about another aspect. I wondered if the act of receiving a spanking - or even a different kind of beating or serious BDSM pain - could act as an antidote to depression? Can the endorphins released in such activities act relieve depression? Is it better than prescription medication? Does the closeness inherrent in such activity provide an effective emotional support that can help alleviate depression?

I would be interested in the views of subs and Doms about this.