mentoring

Sometimes on BDSM social networking and contact sites one sees subs describing themselves as being mentored by or under the protection of a Dom friend. I was discussing this recently with blossom. She posted about it here.

I have tended to assume just common sense interpretations of these words and corresponding roles. But is there more that comes with it from the D/s dynamic? blossom suggests there may be different levels that could even lead into a training role. For me though a training role would lie outside a mentoring role and be distinct from it. But where the line lies between them I am not sure. For mentoring is a kind of support which is close to teaching ... which in turn can come close to training.

Have any readers felt themselves officially or unofficially mentoring a sub or being mentored by a Dom? Is it more structured than I have described and should it be? Should training form any part of mentorship?

I was going to develop this further into the area of "protection". But that will perhaps be better as a separate post.

100

Thank you Marc_oo - or perhaps I should say "merci".

Mark_oo is the 100th follower of this blog. Thank you also to the 99 others. Please forgive me if I don't mention you all by name!

Some time ago David told me here that I also had 100 readers on Google Reader.

So thank you to those readers too.

All I need to do now is to think of something worth writing for all of you!

No pressure there then ...

PS - Anyone care to accept 100 spanks to celebrate? No? Oh well - it was worth a try! :)

woman

As well as her being a "good girl" I want her to be a woman.

A real woman - with a woman's strength, a woman's sensitivity, a woman's body, a woman's sensuality, a woman's sexuality, a woman's desires and a woman's needs.

Give me a real woman to love, care for, play with and use.

"good girl" - again

I was writing a comment in response to the lovely comments I had to my "good girl" post below. However the responses were all so personal and interesting that I decided to write a follow up post instead.

Thank you all! How wonderful to get so many responses. I suppose it shows how powerful those words were as I had suggested.

Forgive me if I don't thank you all by name - please consider yourselves thanked. "Good girls"!

(And hyvä tyttö to one who hasn't commented yet but also to any others who may understand it - including one who I think might!)

I understand how many of you have found it a term of praise and recognition and thus gives you great pleasure. But wouldn't "well done" do the same? Part of me thinks not.

There is something about "good girl" that seems more powerful Indeed is it not to do with power? The ability for a man to say to a grown woman "good girl" and for her to delight in it? For a strong woman in other circumstances - running a home, a job, taking on so many responsibilities ...

To be described as a "girl" - it might seem demeaning.

But as a "good girl" - then the contrast of the praise with that.

Can that be part of it?

thesubmissivebf mentioned the recollections of its use in our youth. Perhaps that is part of it too.

Mindset talks of the "inner child". Is there not an inner child in all of us that longs to be cherished?

nancy also mentioned the childhood associations.

So is there an element of feeling small and cared for that is part of this that fits in with the D/s dynamic?

NewToThisLife07 values the fact that a Dom also takes pleasure in these words.

Perhaps that completes the circle of domination and submission formed by those two simple words:

"Good girl"

But thank you all for the expressive way in which you wrote of those words moving you ... it was moving also to read of them.

P xxxx

"good girl"

Why are these two words so powerful?

I have used them twice recently with online friends - but not in a serious way. I am not the Dom of either of them. Indeed one has a Dom of her own. I intended no disrespect to him.

With each of them it was kind of an in-joke. It recognised their alignment as sub and mine as a Dom. It was intended as a kind and light hearted remark in the context of a friendly conversation. I was concerned each time in case I had overstepped the mark. It can be a very special comment between a Dom and their sub.

On each occasion the sub took it in the way intended - but also commented on the pleasure they had gained from me using those two words.

What is it about those two words that makes them so powerful?

So to all subs reading - thank you for visiting the blog. You are a "good girl". (Or "good boy"!)

tenderness

I have just published an email from George on Uncle Agony. Here is a small part of it.

"I am afraid "converting" to a D/s-type relationship will ... I don't know, ruin things? How do I balance dominating this girl who I love very much, and by whom I am so perfectly loved, with a D/s sexual relationship? I think that she truly needs to be dominated to be sexually fulfilled. She had a very difficult upbringing in that she was forced to grow up early. Giving up her control and surrendering to the world gives her the relief from her responsibility she needs. I am more than happy to do this for her. But I don't want to lose the hand-holding, kissing, laughing sweetness of a traditional relationship which I take so much pleasure in."

It got me thinking about tenderness, D/s relationships and BDSM.

There are some Doms who are stern and subs who want them to be like that. They appear strict all the time and may enjoy humiliating as well as beating their sub. From the outside there seems little tenderness and the love may appear to take a harsher form. However it may seem very different from the inside.

To me love, care and tenderness are an important constituent part of D/s and BDSM. I remember loving walking hand in hand with the sub who I have been closest to in real life. I enjoyed smiles, snatched kisses and looks - all the things that lovers enjoy. There seemed no contradiction between this and our D/s relationship. It was part of the glue that helped make it work.

Is tenderness not also a constituent part of BDSM? What else is the caress before or after the stroke of an instrument? Without such caresses, contrasts between gentle and fierce, would it not just be a punishment? Just the S without the BD and M.

At then end too of a demanding, intense, painful or emotional scene the helping to bring the sub back to the real world. The holding, hugging, caressing, kissing ...

Perhaps there is more need for true caring and comforting in such a relationship than in other relationships.

Surely tenderness is an essential part of BDSM?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone.

I hope you all find happiness and fulfilment - as well as a host of sensual delights - in 2011. I hope I do too!

And who knows - we may even find some interesting topics to discuss!

I can hear fireworks going off around me as I write - so once again Happy New Year!!!!