Wednesday, 9 February 2011

face slapping

I read a story by an online friend. In it, early on a first meeting the Dom slapped the sub across the face. He later repeated it. My friend confided that it was actually a true story.

I wrote to her that I was not sure I would have been so courageous as a Dom on a first meeting. There is something so very powerful and dramatic and potentially humiliating in a face slap - apart also from the pain and potential damage! Unless of course it had been agreed before the meeting as appropriate play. She told me that before the meeting she would have considered it a hard limit but at the time it moved her and created a passionate arousal.

It is not always like this though. I have seen two bdsm video clips where face slapping had clearly not been discussed beforehand. In each the actress - despite being involved in other very intense play - was upset and shaken by the face slapping to the extent that the scene had to be adapted.

I wonder what it is about this particular act that is somehow so personal and powerful? Any ideas? Do you enjoy/accept/endure face slapping as donor or recipient?

27 comments:

lil said...

This is actually territory that we began exploring not to long ago. And I have found that I do enjoy it (as a recipient). I still haven't figured out why it's so personal and powerful. I do know that If I didn't trust Him absolutely, it wouldn't be a turn-on for me.

Perhaps it has something to do with the shock value and the fact that it's so widely viewed as something you aren't supposed to do by society as a whole being that it is so common in abusive relationships.

I'll be interested to see the opinions that other people have on the topic.

Maryann Lovejoy said...

Face slapping reminds me of slavery. So, in this context that could be good or bad. It would be bad for me, but I do not think of myself as owned by my man.
Maryann

stumblingchi said...

Face slapping is something that we have dabbled in. It's not something that we do often, but when the mood is right he will do it.

It immediately brings me to a very deep level of submission. My eyes fly downward and I feel incapable of lifting them, which is not something I am ever restricted from doing.

Another thing that happens is that I cry immediately just from that one slap, and it has nothing at all to do with the pain.

It makes me feel very open and vulnerable and I could never do it with someone who didn't love me completely.

Alice said...

What an interesting, thought provoking topic! I do like having my face slapped. I think for me it is a challenge. A challenge to stay submissive, a challenge to not slap back. It doesn't make me feel vulnerable, or open, or angry, or anything extreme. It is personal, and I wouldn't allow just anyone to slap my face.

I think it all comes down to the attitude behind the slap. If my husband were to slap my face in anger or disgust or as punishment, I'd be upset and I would not like it. But he is always sure that we're playing and that I understand he's not angry or disgusted and that it is all in good fun because he likes to do it and I like being slapped.

Goddess Eden said...

I look at face slapping as something when done in this context as very personal. I'm not certain if I could do it without even discussing it with someone first.
There are playful slaps, humiliating slaps, sensual slaps, so maybe it comes down to what the person/people are trying to accomplish. I for one enjoy the act.

NewToThisLife07 said...

*LOL* just wrote a long comment here, but realized it sounded more like a post in itself I deleted it.
Didn't put much weight into my thoughts about this at first, until I started formulating a comment about it -which is quite often the case actually. My mind works that way.

But now I'm OT. Yes, I think it is a very personal act, for several reasons.
One and probably the foremost one, is that if just "anyone" came up and slapped me, I'd say it as violating and abusive, and yeah I would most certainly do my best to get a good one in myself. Which will probably be the biggest challenge for me, if I ever venture on these grounds with my Master. I'm very easily triggered, in all aspects. And I'm also a very hot-tempered little terrier with a lot of bark :P
OK, I probably just rambled again, I know I lost at least myself along the way *LOL*
As always xPx :)

blossom said...

This is something that i have only tried on a couple of occasions the first time i did not know that it was going to happen and i was completely shocked and stunned by it, i did not know how to react and i think that was what he was looking from me, i remember that i just lowered my eyes and bowed my head, trying not to cry as i was so taken aback, i thought that i had done something wrong. It did happen again on a couple of occasions since that time but i dont know if it would be for me.

blossom x

littleOne said...

His hand across my face. I love it. Its acutely personal, in the moment, in the context of play. It brings tears, vulnerability and deepens feelings of submission in me. I don't know that anyone who hasn't got my deep and steadfast trust could do it to me without me feeling a certain distress and discomfort.
great topic and wonderful responses.
Lx

nancy said...

I've come to enjoy having my face slapped.. only by Sir and only in the last few months.

It is powerful and shocking for me to be slapped... but it is arousing on some very deep level.

It makes me feel submissive and humiliated; thankfully I know He cares for me totally.

I've been asked about this before and it is hard for me to understand something that is so primal.

Interesting topic~

Pygar said...

What amazing and fascinating comments. Thank you all very, very much for explaining in such personal ways how this affects you.

It was nice also to hear from the perspective of a Domme - so thank you Goddess Eden.

P xx

DanesWood said...

This is something I've explored from both sides, being a dreaded switch.
Such a simple act, not even necessarily painful, and yet so powerful.

Pygar said...

Thank you DanesWood. Great to see you here.

P xx

Velvet said...

M has never slapped my face. He slaps be pretty hard just about everywhere else though... It is rare that no mark is left at all, maybe that is why he chooses not to slap my face? Bottoms, thighs and shoulders are easily hidden under clothing, a hand print on my face would need explanation...<3

DanesWood said...

Good to be here Pygar, and this is a fascinating topic to discuss.

The psychological side of D/s is perhaps more important than the physical and this is certainly one of the more powerful ways to connect the two.

Pygar said...

Thank you Velvet and DanesWood.

You raise an interesting aspect Velvet that any marks would be immediately apparent on the face - as opposed to being hidden on a buttock for instance. I wonder if that public display is part of the issue?

Though as DanesWood says - the psychological part of D/s is so very fascinating and is surely a large part of what draws us here.

P xx

SubRosaNoMore said...

Your post and the subsequent comments really got me thinking. Face slapping is a hard limit for me, at least right now. I can't imagine not erupting in anger and lashing out. If I was restrained and slapped in the face, that would be the end for me. I can't imagine consenting to this in advance and if I was slapped in the face under such circumstances, I don't know how I'd ever trust that person again. The more I thought about this, the more I realized what a volatile area this is for me. Whenever I've been struck in the face in the past, I've been in the situation of having to defend myself. Perhaps this is why I feel the way I do.

Pygar said...

Thank you SubRosaNoMore. It is interesting to read of your very powerful reaction to this. Perhaps though it is all in the context. I wonder if you ever could imagine loving and trusting someone enough to engage in play of this kind - but perhaps it would be too close to some terrible earlier experiences.

P xx

DanesWood said...

@SubRosaNoMore

Like you I've been in some situations where I've needed to defend myself. I also could never imagine allowing anyone to slap me across the face, yet I have.

I slapped my last partner once, lightly across the face and she was also shocked at how it worked for her.

I suppose now is the time to confess I'm the person Pygar refers to in his original post.

Trust me nobody was more shocked than I at what happened. I had no warning it was going to happen, in fact I would probably have claimed it as a hard limit if I had.

I still can't say it's something I enjoy. I flinch when he raises his hand, which is something we're working on together.

It's not that he hits me hard, just enough to sting a little, but it's a natural defence to turn away and definitely not something that comes naturally.

Pygar said...

Thank you DanesWood for "outing yourself" as the person I referred to. Readers now have a direct interpretation from you rather than my fumbling analysis.

You and SubRosaNoMore express powerfully the response to having been slapped across the face - and your differing responses to it.

Your difficulty with it but your determination to accept it from your Master speaks to me of your trust and love for your Master.

Thank you for not only sharing with me but also with readers of this blog.

P xxxx

Pygar said...

I will share too some content from a brief email exchange with an online sub some years ago.

We hoped we would one day get to meet. She mentioned that she would like to be slapped across the face but knew that was something I probably would not do.

She was right. But once I knew she desired it - how could I resist?! Sadly we are no longer in touch and never did meet - so I did not get to slap her face!!!

P xx

Anonymous said...

(I know I'm late here, but I've been away and am catching up on your posts...)

I never would have thought (<---- isn't that usually the start of Penthouse letters?) I would have wanted anyone to slap my face, but, like so many things in D/s for me, it seems to depend upon the person. I now find myself reconsidering many of my hard limits.

A little over a month ago, I hesitantly brought up the fact that I had started fantasizing about him (him, not anyone else--he is specific in my fantasies, which is another first for me) slapping me.

We discussed it, he admitted that it intrigued him, and we agreed to try it within a specific context.

When it actually happened, it was much more powerful than I realized it would be. It was startling, despite the fact that I knew it was coming, and my reaction--shock, disorientation, uncertainty, and a sudden slip into a deeper and very clear sense of submission--delighted him, which, in turn, fulfilled me deeply.

For us it belongs to a certain level of play that we don't always reach for (it hasn't happened again yet, but we are unable to be together much right now), but when one, or both, of us needs it, it's a powerful and sensual tool that I'm grateful to have developed with someone I trust so much.

LKeds

Pygar said...

Thank you LKeds. Please do not worry about the lateness of your contribution. That was more than made up for by its interest.

Your personal description is very powerful and informative.

Good luck.

P xx

Anonymous said...

mmmmm yea. Don't know why it just feels rough, and Yea LOVE been slapped while he freiking yanks yanks my hair while on top :D Fun stuff. Slavery people? Nah. Slap your slut!!

Anonymous said...

Is this a fetsih? I never knew there was anything wrong with face slapping. Im confused!

Pygar said...

Hello Anonymous and welcome. Your comments are very interesting. Fancy this post still eliciting interest. I guess that in itself shows what a powerful act it can be.

I'm pleased you are such an advocate for it Anonymous. You clearly really get off on it.

Since first writing the post I have got a lot close to and more involved with a very special woman. She has grown to like her face slapped. It very quickly takes her to a submissive space far away from her day to day concerns. I always accompany it with kisses and caresses - but then I'm just a softie!

Is it a fetish?

I hadn't thought of it as such but perhaps for some it is. Rather I think it just is an act that has a very powerful symbolism and is sometimes regarded as being too far.

Thanks again anonymous. Have fun!

P xx

Anonymous said...

I am new to the D/s world, but am quickly discovering how sexually suppressed I had been in my 23 years of sexuality.
My Master slapped me for the first time recently, and let me tell you I was shocked as hell by it! But surprisingly I was also turned on too! He allowed me to slap him back that same night which was a little strange for me personally (I am not a fighter, I am a lover). Since that first slap I have thoroughly enjoyed being slapped in the face and have the best orgasms afterwards! My Master makes sure to give me love and praise once we are all finished playing which makes me as a newby sub feel much better about it all.
Thanks for the forum...it has helped in many ways to feel more comfortable with the D/s relationship.

Pygar said...

Thank you anonymous for sharing this. I agree with your Master that love and praise are so important too.

I'm pleased you are finding this blog supportive.

P xx