submission and feminism

In my profile on a UK BDSM social networking site I mention in my profile "feminist submissive women". It has occasionally raised comments and I received another memo recently from a sub who wrote,

"I find it difficult to equate submission with feminism. Do explain?"

So I replied trying my best. Though I'm not sure how articulate I was. My hurried reply then was,

"Thank you for your interest.

I like powerful women. I believe in women's equality. I don't believe that certain jobs should be done by men and others by women. I think that men should play a more involved role in bringing up children. So I may be considered a feminist myself.

My sub has been a very strong and active feminist throughout her life.

Yet she chooses to submit to me.

It is her choice.

She is a strong woman and it is my use of her strength that enables me to control and use her. I would not want a doormat."

It got me thinking again about this subject. I was surprised to find that the last time I wrote about feminism on here was in 2008. It started an interesting discussion and you can read it again here.

There are feminists who write about BDSM and submission. (Kind readers may help me out by offering some links!) I don't believe they are incompatible at all. However I do know feminist sub friends who have found it difficult. They have felt at times as if their submission to a man was almost a betrayal of the struggles of feminists in the past in their demands for equality.

On a simple level of course D/s is not always M/f. There are of course probably as many F/m, F/f and M/m relationships.

Though that does not necessarily answer the problem for a submissive feminist within a M/f relationship.

It has come to the fore in discussions in the media recently. Some D/s literature and films have become almost mainstream and this has become a point of interest. There is an article in Newsweek here which discusses it. It includes a short passage which does address the issue in terms of feminism.

Is it an issue which readers have trouble with? Do I have many feminist submissive readers? More to the point, I wonder if I have many feminist Dom readers?

on top ...

Being "on top" is a symbol of domination. The word "Top" has even come to mean a dominant in a bdsm or D/s context. My submissive woman likes me on top when we are having sex. She likes to feel the full weight of me on her.

Yes - of course there is a power and a control in being on top when having sex. I enjoy it. However I also like being underneath.

I enjoy laying there and having her do all the work. To suck me hard then climb on top and pierce herself on me. I like to watch her face as she loses control of her body as orgasm approaches and asks permission to come. I like her working herself on me, pleasuring me as she changes angle and pace. Then I may stop her, make her suck me again before once more climbing on top to work hard at pleasuring me.

Recently she complained that she was getting tired. Of course I admonished her for her laziness and encouraged her to further efforts as I rested beneath her, enjoying the fruits of her labours.

Do other Doms not enjoy making their subs go on top and do most of the hard work while they rest and delight in the sensations? I think too that subs who want their Doms on top are just expecting them to do all the hard work! Perhaps it is time for a change.

Though I do at the end enjoy finishing on top - if only to make a point!

bondage marks

Uncle Agony has received an email published here about marks left by bondage equipment including ropes. Do add a comment if you have any advice.

apologies ...

... for not posting so regularly recently. My real life adventures seem to have got in the way.

Apologies especially to Naughty Lizard who wrote to Uncle Agony a couple of weeks ago and I have still not published her email there. I promise to do so next week.

It seems almost yesterday that I was celebrating having 100 followers to the blog. I see that as of today I am only one short of 300. So thank you very much to all of you who do follow and read the posts here. I hope it will encourage me to try to write more regularly again.

In the meantime do enjoy this weekend. For those of you eating chocolate, Beau has found something nice for you to suck on here.