We have talked a lot about tears - but what makes you cry?
Is it physical things? Humiliating things? Hurtful things? Criticism? Lack of power and influence? Failure? Relationship problems?
A friend once said she could not cry for herself. She would cry for others. She would shed tears at the thought of the suffering of those she would never meet. But she could not cry for herself and her own suffering, past and present. She wanted to cry because there was such intense hurt deep inside her. She asked me to beat her to tears. I knew though that I was not strong enough and did not attempt it. In the end though I saw her shed a tear through my kindness. Kindness can be very powerful.
It is something that often can bring me to tears - the kindness of strangers.
So what brings tears to your eyes?
"But why?"
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Recently a couple of very long comments were posted by Anonymous to A Kind
Dom in response to the post punishment and domestic discipline. The
questions sh...
6 years ago
17 comments:
You are such a mushy, vanilla Dom, Pygar. I love you for it. I love you for the rest though too. Even more.
"mushy"?
"vanilla"???
I think you may need restraining and beating soon ...
P xx
For years and years, decades actually, I never cried.It wasn't safe to show any weakness and then it was so ingrained I couldn't.
I can and do now. I cry when whatever I feel overwhelms me. Because I am safe now.I cry during play, not because I am afraid or in pain, but because I am feeling so very much, it spills out, cathartic tears. I am not even aware of it sometimes.
Other times, a simple, unexpected "good girl" can bring me to tears, tears of gratitude that he found me.
I am able to cry because I've been shown how to be vulnerable. I am safe being vulnerable, and I am sooo glad, it feels wonderful.
As it is not possible for me to edit posts I had told the girl with the red nipples that I would delete the first two comments. But as themonkeysjourney has now added another I will leave them there.
girl with the red nipples told me that she wished she had said sometimes and had not used the word vanilla. But it is there. She will not get beaten for it - because she enjoys that too much! Though she will no doubt enjoy apologising the next time she gets a spanking. (Which should be soon ... )
Thank you themonkeysjourney. it is really interesting to hear of how crying works for you - that now you feel safe and not threatened you can cry and get cathartic pleasure from it.
It can be good to cry at times but perhaps we all need to know we are in a safe place before we can let go.
Thank you for sharing this with us.
P xx
I am addicted to my tears. (That is not as cheesy as it sounds, really.) My life has been long and often hard, and to get through it and still be the whole and functioning person I am today, I have learned to compartmentalize my feelings so that I don't feel too much at one time....If I felt it all all the time, crying would be the least of my worries. So I am able, through the safety of my relationship with BD (Well put, Monkey!), to open each compartment once in a while and allow the tears to fall. I love to cry, because of the amazing feeling of release and exhaustion it brings. I also (being so emotional and unable to allow myself to cry over my past very often)cry over books, movies, television shows, posts on blogs, etc. I cry several times a day, which can drive my BD crazy, as my emotional pain hurts him so.
I cry for so many different reasons. Sadness and happiness both.
When I'm with Sir, I've cried from pain, from the conflict of wanting and not wanting what will happen next.. and from joy.
Tears are a blessing.. a release and always welcomed.
When I cry it's a mixture of failure and fear.
I love my Sir more than life its self and when I have failed a task He's given me or when I'm not well and can't please Him; I cry and cry hard. Even though He tells me it's okay that I did my best, I feel as though I didn't.
As for fear...when I first started out in this lifestyle my first Sir use to always punish me to the extreme when I don't succeed at things. So going back to my present Sir; when I fail at tasks that are given I fear the worst, but I know He wouldn't do that to me. It's a habit that W/we're slowly breaking me out of.
as many here, I had a challenging childhood. A trauma when I was 4yo made me lock that vulnerability away. The closest I have come to letting her out is when I cry for my children. Then something shifted with The Man and we started on this journey of D/s and I looked up at him one day with the tears spilling out and there she was, out of her cage... heart in hand. The Man's love and acceptance of me, my faults and shortcomings and his desire to see me exceed all expectation makes me emotional. His taking my son, a special needs child, and making him his own.... but most of all... for being The Man we all need him to be, even when we dont like what he has to say :)
You know, this made me sit and think;
What DOES make me cry?
I’m a tough cookie, but even the best cookies crumble.
What makes me cry are helpless things that I can’t protect.
Glue traps make me cry because they leave the poor mice to suffer until they starve to death, sometimes chewing off their limbs in an attempt to get free.
The thought of my cats getting outside brings me to tears.
And every time I think about my poor, sweet baby who never got to meet all the people who were so excited to meet her I break down.
TECHNICALLY it’s my failure to protect them that makes me cry, but failure on any other level doesn’t make me cry. If I fail at, let’s say, a task, I can pick myself up and move on.
It’s failing those who depend on being protected that brings me to tears.
Jen
What wonderful comments from Collared Cassaundra, nbs, Hisprecious slave, Monica. and Jen.
Thank you all very much for your honest and quite moving contributions.
I will try to respond properly soon. Off to nurse my cold now!
P xx
What a great question; this made me stop and think as well...
As a child, I cried because I didn't understand my own strong emotions, and grew up with parents who were not very good at teaching me how to deal with emotions (because, as I can see now, they don't really understand their own emotions either).
As a younger woman, I really only cried as a manipulation tool with men, sorry to say. I turned on the water works when I needed attention. I wasn't really connected to my own emotions when doing this, even though I was upset. The tears were to get something, not to express something.
Now I have to learned to actually connect to my own emotions, tears tend to come out as a expression of what I'm feeling. Like sadness (especially when thinking of loved ones who have passed away--ESPECIALLY those I was too stunted to mourn properly at the time of their passing). Also, I relish the 'happy tears' that come out when Master is showering with me affection. Then again, sometimes I get mushy over a camera commercial, so you never know! :)
I can when I can't keep the things bottled inside me any longer, but there are other things that will set me off. For example, I have cried yesterday, while reading the last book in Huxtable Quartet series by Mary Balogh in which a man struggles with the feeling of both love and hatred towards himself and his younger, deceased brother whom he couldn't save.
Thanks LizLeia and original_me. Yet more fascinating contributions to this topic.
I will try to respond properly to all the contributions soon.
I would though like particularly to thank LizLea for her honesty in saying she used to use tears as a manipulative tool. I wonder how many others may do this - perhaps not always consciously.
I have tried, probably rather clumsily, to summarise and celebrate some of these special comments in a new post here.
Thank you again to all the commenters.
P xx
I noticed no one said relief could draw them to tears. As a masochistic submissive relief will make me cry more often then toys and a sadistic immagination. During my day to day I have a hundred people who depend on me. Everyone expects me to meet dead lines, respond to their needs, volunteer my time and resources, be a good neighbor, friend, mom, sister, and everything else they cal me. I do this and am expected to smile, make it look easy, and have dinner on the table by six, kids bathed and in bed by 9 and manage NOT to look frazzled.
That's a lot of pressure and a lot of work that I extend to family, friends, community, pto, and assorted organizations and causes I volunteer for. When I am in session it's like having a hundred voices all shouting at once and someone suddenly hits the mute button. There is no pressure just me, my partner, and whatever activity we are doing. I can focus on just the steady thud of leather hitting my flesh and the heat of my skin as it leaves to fall again in a second or two.
The relief of that is infinite. That relief can draw me to tears and keep me comming back. My kink is MINE. I don't have to worry about stress or pressure. Yes certainly, relief is what can make tears pour for the partner I am good enough for. I feel sexy again and capable. When I leave my session I can handle everything again.
That's what draws me to tears. Thank you for posting a thought provoking question that reminds me again why I love this lifestyle.
- C
Thank you C - yes the build up of pressure and its subsequent release can be very powerful.
P xx
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