There was an interesting discussion in response to my previous post on submission and masochism.
Some who responded felt that they were inextricably linked but for others they were clearly separate. Whether linked or separate I have been wondering about masochism and the desire to accept pain.
Why might one have a desire to accept pain? Pain is supposed to be a safety mechanism of the body to steer us away from danger.
Pain is not meant to be desirable. If it were then that would defeat its purpose in keeping us safe. So why do some desire it?
I think that some submissives may desire pain as part of their submissive relationship to show how deeply they submit. It gives a measure of how much they are prepared to accept in showing how much they will take to please their Master and to accept the primacy of his desires.
Others just like to test and push themselves. This may be part of a submissive relationship but can also be outside it. It may not form part of a relationship at all. In the gym there are those who want to work harder, faster, longer to really push themselves. They want to lift and pull and push heavier and heavier weights and restraints. In this they are trying to defeat pain to achieve their goals.
There are those who do it just for the endorphin rush. The body creates natural drugs to anaesthetise the body to help one cope with pain. Pain has been used in this way for millennia in many different cultures to reach heightened states of consciousness. In a BDSM context it is often referred to as sub-space.
This has too implications for the skills of the Dominant. Perhaps in this context he needs to be a sadist to enjoy administering pain. However he needs more than that. It needs a real understanding of the these issues and of the needs of his submissive. But if he is thinking of the needs of his sub then perhaps he is not being sadistic after all!
Do you ever desire pain? Is it for one of the reasons I have suggested? Are there other reasons I have missed?
What about Dominants and sadists? Are you aware of the needs of your submissive in relation to pain? Does that matter?
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4 years ago
15 comments:
This is a very interesting post. I am so new to all this & really I have limited experience when it comes to pain. I don't know how much I can take or why I take it even. Do you think it is all dependant on your dynamic with your Dom/Master? I have had 2 Doms (one in RL & one LDR).. 2 very different experiences. The RL Dom loved to push my boundaries .. he thought I might be a "pain slut" in the making. I hated the words masocist & pain slut because in my mind it meant that I would be destined for more & more pain & that it would be the only thing that would "get me off". So I had a hard time coming to terms with these labels. I had a couple of experiences with a couple of Tops .. now these, the connections just weren't there and I could not take the "pain" .. not like I could with my Dom. I don't know why. I didn't really enjoy it & it seemed to me too harsh right from the get go. *shrug* Then along comes my second Dom - the online LDR. Now for this man I would jump thru rings of fire if he asked me to! I was administering pain to myself on his direction. And it was even more real & more "satisfying" than with my RL Dom. He too thought I was a pain slut and said I was the most fearless sub he had ever met. Really? I was just doing what was asked of me. So really, my point is, does one become a masocist because they enjoy pain or do they because of the dynamic they are in ? Wow .. does that make any sense at all???
I'm new at this as far as reality goes. I don't like pain at all. In real life I go to great lengths to avoid pain. Except with Master. When he spanks me I don't like the pain. It's not at all arousing to me. But I like him spanking me, because it's one way he can do something to me that I don't like, without any negative consequences. For whatever reason, I'm turned on by the idea of him doing some things to me that I don't like, to assert his dominance.
Sex is also a little painful, because, well, I didn't have any for ten years before I met him and I'm 50, and Master is above-average in size. That pain doesn't turn me on either, but I kind of like that it hurts a little, because again, I'm turned on by the idea of him doing something to me that causes a little pain. But it's very important that he'd doing it for HIS pleasure, not because he thinks I want it. He doesn't try to hurt me during sex, it's just a side-affect of him doing what he wants with me. But again, it has to be only a little pain, with no negative consequences.
I began to post a comment here,Sir, but my thoughts kept coming (and coming and coming) so I think perhaps I need to think about it a bit more and will write post on my own blog, so I don't hog all your real estate. VERY interesting topic, at least for me, a masochistic submissive.
Thank you geekie kittie and Ticklish for sharing your perspectives.
It seems to me that for each of you the pain is something that helps you to demonstrate the depths of your submission to yourselves as well as to your Masters. Although you each say you do not like the pain itself it clearly helps your submission and you welcome it a little for that reason.
It is interesting too geekie kittie how you can accept more pain from one Dom than from another. The dynamic is clearly a strong factor in this.
P xx
Thank you little monkey.
I do enjoy having a sub coming and coming and coming ...
... even if it is just her thoughts!
(Forgive my teasing.)
I'm pleased this has stimulated your thoughts and I look forward to reading your post when it is published.
P xx
little monkey - I'm having difficulty accessing your blog. Perhaps when you write your own post you could let me know and I will put a link here.
Thanks
P xx
Such a thought provoking topic. Personally, pain for me is a means to show the lengths I will go to to prove my submission to him. While I have grown to enjoy pain more than I did in the beginning it is largely the sacrifice of my comfort for his pleasure that gets me off.
Thank you Betsy T. It seems you get off on the submission aspect of accepting pain rather than the pain itself. It is interesting though that you are growing to enjoy pain more than you used to. I wonder if others have found the same?
P xx
"some submissives may desire pain as part of their submissive relationship to show how deeply they submit. "
Yes.
"Others just like to test and push themselves."
Yes.
"There are those who do it just for the endorphin rush. "
Ohhhhhh yes!!!
But I think you missed another aspect. (Or it could just be me. lol) For me pain is more than just physical. The delightful suffering of it all opens me up mentally and emotionally to my Owner. It tears down the day-in-day-out me and brings me to that primal fundamental animal that is raw and vulnerable and vibrantly exposed for Him to engage with. Pain strips me down bit by bit to free the wild beast in me. ~sigh~ I so need beat. lol I'll have so settle for my own blog post on this. ;-P
Hmmmm...like Pygar, I was inspired to write and explore my own feelings on why. I came up with quite a few as I opened myself up further.
If you're interested in the rest... Why I Suffer for Him
I would like to point out another reason for the enhoyment of pain. It masks emotional pain. Thats the reason for all these teens cutting themselves when sad. I used to use it during times of inner turmoil.
Thank you Domina Kat for explaining so well the psychological and emotional impact of pain and how it truly feeds your submissive nature.
I am sure many readers will enjoy reading your further thoughts on your own blog here.
- P xx
Thank you Anonymous for explaining how physical pain can mask emotional pain and how this can become a reason for self harm.
This will be the focus of my next post and one on Uncle Agony.
P xx
Sir, I enjoy reading your blog a great deal. Personally I do believe that Masochism has more to do with the physical whereas the submissive/slave has to do more with the mental state one is in. Can they go together. Of course. I consider myself to have both but I'm not an extreme Masochist. I enjoy a great deal of pain but not nearly to the extent that others do.
I find as well there are Masochist who aren't so very sub/slave like in their nature.
For me the pain is in direct relation to the sub/slave part of my lifestyle. I need him to cause me pain to a point.
Thank you Sadie. I am very pleased that you enjoy reading my blog. Thank you for taking the time to comment.
I too have wondered whether masochism is more of a physical need whereas submission is a more psychological or emotional need. This makes a clear distinction but are there times when each involves the other and the overlap then makes it difficult to keep that distinction clear?
Isn't this illustrated by your final sentence where you describe the pain being in direct relationship to the sub/slave part of your life?
Thanks again for your interesting contribution.
Good luck
P xx
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