Thursday, 20 August 2015


I had a very friendly comment recently from Ruby Little and followed the links to her blog Bound by Him. There I found a very moving post titled Unfaithful. I do hope some of the issues are resolving themselves for Ruby.

Reading it stimulated a number of thoughts. Firstly I was struck by the fact that Ruby felt guilty that her husband had been cheating on her. It was as if in some way she felt it was her fault, that she had not given him enough so he had to look elsewhere. Though clearly she is also hurt and angry because the trust and mutual respect so essential in a D/s relationship have been destroyed. I wondered if this was a common response in such circumstances - to reflect the guilt back on oneself?

I started to wonder again about the nature of monogamous relationships and wondered if in the pressures of today's society that such exclusivity is almost bound to give rise to such problems. I know it did for me in a previous relationship when I was the guilty party. My current relationship with Inès is an open relationship though we have not pushed this aspect hard. I hope that as long as we each know when the other has desires and needs that they want to be met elsewhere then if we are open about it then such encounters can be accommodated by our relationship. As long as we are open and honest then the trust and respect is maintained. Moving towards this in a conventional marriage is very hard. I wonder though in starting new relationships whether that is something that could be discussed and agreed from the start and whether that would allow un all to be happier with fewer break ups.

I think also that when a partner does go elsewhere for sex it is not necessarily because sex with the current partner is unsatisfactory. It can be that perhaps we are led into looking for variety and change. Perhaps if that is accepted it can help sustain a relationship.

Or then again I may just be talking nonsense! What do others think?


Anonymous said...

I also think that partners may seek out other relationships for a variety of reasons. It may not always be sexual but often times, our roles in society are so defined that we find ourselves gravitating towards the old standby, when in actuality it could be the connection, joy, release or energy we enjoy from another.

Pygar said...

I strongly believe you are right anonymous. I can certainly feel this from my own experience though I did not realise it at first.

Thanks for your comment


His slut said...

I read something that has always stuck with me. One person cannot fulfill all the needs of their mate. How true it is? I'm not sure. I think in order to understand it does take a lot of communication.

Pygar said...

Thanks His slut. I think I have heard something similar. I wonder though if it is not being unable to satisfy all of the needs of a mate - but instead not able to satisfy all of their desires? In which case how much should we expect or encourage or forgive a mate for sating their desires elsewhere?

P xx

Ruby Little said...

Im so sorry ive only just noticed this...
I've neglected blogger a bit lately...
I understand what the commenters are saying...
My main issues were the fact that he said that he was happy, and their were no issues with us and he didnt understand the reason why he strayed and it didnt forfill him...
My question was then...what was the point?
Why would u hurt someone u love with no justice for the action?
Things are on a calmer ground i think now
Thankyou for making a post about it
And for reading my blog xx

Pygar said...

Thank you Ruby for taking the time to respond. I'm sorry that my post didn't really address your situation but took my thoughts off in various directions.

I hope nothing I wrote implied that I excused actions that broke the trust in your relationship. Sadly we often can hurt the one we love too carelessly.

I am pleased that things are now on "calmer ground". I hope this may lead to a rebuilding of that trust and a moving forward with better understanding of each other.

Good luck

P xx

Ruby Little said...

Thankyou p :)
Nothing you wrote implyed anything it was good to see your take on things.
Your blog is very insightful
X x