Thursday 16 June 2016

ethical sluttishness

In the previous post I discussed the redefining of sluttishness. The word "slut", typically used to describe women, is most often used as a negative description. Whereas calling a man a "stud" can be seen as a positive description. What is the difference? Each is someone who may have a number of sexual partners. Why is that seen as something to celebrate in a man but something to denigrate in a woman?

A friend some time ago gave a copy of The Ethical Slut to Inès though I am not sure if she has read it all. I am afraid I have only browsed it quickly. Wikipedia has an article about it here in which it summarises the theme of the book like this,
The authors define the term slut as "a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you." The term is reclaimed from its usual use as a pejorative and as a simple label for a promiscuous person. Instead, it is used to signify a person who is accepting of their enjoyment of sex and the pleasure of physical intimacy with others, and chooses to engage and accept these in an ethical and open way—rather than as cheating.
The Ethical Slut discusses how to live an active life with multiple concurrent sexual relationships in a fair and honest way. 
Is this not a positive and ethical approach to having multiple partners? Can it be done? Can I be a slut and still be a moral person?

Any more sluts out there?

9 comments:

Tamar said...

I so need to read that book, I've heard people reference it for years. But can you be ethical and still be a slut? Absolutely! If you take the generalized definition for the word "slut" to mean "someone who has lots of sex with a person/people", then of course you can be ethical about it. Be up front and honest about your desires and motivations and what you want/don't want and what you are/are not willing to do. Practice good consent rules- get consent for what you do, make sure it is active, clear, ongoing, and uncoerced. Practice safe sex- get checked for STD's often, share your results with your partner/s and make sure they do the same and wear condoms unless you've decided to be 'fluid-bonded'. Don't lie, don't cheat, and don't allow/encourage others to cheat- make sure all other partners are cool with and consent to sexual activity. I could go on- but the gist of it is, have all the sex you want, with as many people as you want, just remember to be honest, get consent, and practice safe sex are the basics.

Pygar said...

That sounds like excellent advice Tamar. Thank you.

I hope you manage to get a copy of the book!

Good luck

P xx

Unknown said...

Hi P
Thankyou for posting on my old post
I took some time out
Guess I needed to find myself and him again.
I hope you are well
Fiona x

Unknown said...

I dont know why im not signed in
Ruby Little x

Pygar said...

Lovely to hear from you - and no, I don't know why you are not signed in either!

Hope all is good now with you too.

P xx

Innerdeamons said...

I find the term slut has been given a negative meaning only because it is used most by people who get rejected by someone they find attractive so to try and soften the blow to their ego will say things to themself such as 'she was a slut anyway', if it wasn't for this then maybe when a woman was called a slut maybe it wouldn't have such a negative meaning however this is only really related to the vanilla community. When talking about the BDSM community the term slut is mainly used as a sort of title for a slave/bottom or for a sort of humiliation (in my experience) so when it comes to the community we are part of I believe that the term slut isn't negative due to the fact we are more excepting of a persons vices and desires.
So when I think about it in this way I find that the question 'can I be a slut and still be a moral person?' Should maybe be changed seeing as beeing a slut can be considered a blanket term for many different types of people and in my opinion not one of them within the BDSM community is immoral because then we are just judging someone based on their desires and that makes us not better then those that are ignorent in the vanilla world.

I hope I haven't upsset anyone with what I have said and this is all based off of what I believe but I hope I have made a few consider the question in a different way

Pygar said...

I hope so too Innerdeamons though I see no reason why anyone should be upset by a frank explanation of a view on this.

I think you may be right that the word 'slut' may be used differently by the vanilla and bdsm communities. Your analysis of how it is used in the vanilla community is very interesting.

In the bdsm community it can be used as you describe as a sort of humiliation but I know those subs who like to describe themselves as sluts - but their master's slut, not anyone else's, in which case are they a slut at all!

Thank you for your thoughtful take on this.

P xx

Innerdeamons said...

I guess it would depend on your take on the word, I may be wrong but as far as I am aware slut is another word for harlot so in this case anyone who dose not charge for any sort of sexual favour i my opinion is not a slut, however with today's standerds this is no longer the case, unfortunately we now live in a world where one will speak as they please and opanly judge and mock with no regard for others so the word itself of course has now changed meaning much the same as the word gay changed and unfortunately it is inevitable, now back to the matter at had, when using this word very few that are called a slut are really the true meaning of the word, most people that are called a slut are but someone else's representation of the word, as such someone can be whatever the other person has called them due to the fact that a words meaning can be very easily changed officially.

When being called a slut in the scenario you presented where they are a master's slut in todays preseption of the word no I wouldn't consider them a slut but the word is really being used as a sort of long term role play or fantasy, someome who is being passed from master to master or forming many short term contracts would be a slut in our currant societys eyes however shouldn't be a negative representation of the word so long as they are abiding my common morals such as not cheating, not lying ect.

Pygar said...

Thanks again Innerdeamons.

My understanding of the meaning of a slut is a woman who has many sexual partners. I do not think they have to be paying partners which is what would differentiate 'slut' from 'harlot'.

I certainly agree with your last paragraph.

P xx