Thursday, 27 October 2016


The other day I found myself thinking about a blogging friend from many years ago. She and I used to exchange comments on each others blogs, we wrote bits of erotica for each other and created online games. She had a new Dom and was revelling in the adventure. She wrote about it with excitement. She asked readers to write in with suggested scenarios they would act out and she promised to try out the most imaginative and write up what happened.

He was married from a different part of the country and his wife was unaware. My blogging friend delighted in being his plaything. He visited her city regularly for work so they had plenty of time to play.

As the relationship developed it became more serious. Her commitment was total and he took advantage of that. Things that had previously been hard limits were crossed time and time again. She recorded it all, her humiliations, her beatings and her suffering.

The beatings got more severe and with a growing variety of cruel implements. She drank his urine each morning. She carried out his email commands without question, exposing herself in public places at his command. She played with other women. They played together with other couples where she was shared with the other man and as was the other woman for sex and for pain. He made her dye her blond hair black. Later she was commanded to shave it all off. She was given a very ugly tattoo. She was lent out to other men for sex. She was lent out to many men for group sex and humiliation.

All of this was documented regularly on her blog.

She was an intelligent woman who worked in a professional job. Part of her job was to support abused woman so she was not aware of the issues.

And then he left her.

She was no longer the relatively innocent, fun loving sub who had entered the relationship. I exchanged a couple of emails with her afterwards and she had clearly learned a lot and was trying to rebuild her life in positive ways.

That was long ago. I wonder how she is now and whether she has left the world of submission and BDSM or whether she has discovered someone else more worthy of her devotion. Perhaps I should seek out her email address and write to her again in friendship.

We all change. Experiences change us. Sometimes that is for good, though not perhaps always. It is good to always try to learn from experience.

I suppose he was changed as well as her.

I have changed over the years a lot. Not from an experience like this but certainly through relationships with close and special friends. I wonder when you reflect on change in your own life what were the positive factors and can you find growth too in the negative factors.


SugarSack said...

if shes who I think she is... I only knew her thru her blog and often find myself wondering about her as well.. hoping she is good

Pygar said...

I doubt she follows this blog now but if she does I am sure she will appreciate your good wishes.

Thanks SugarSack

P xx

Jz said...

Sometimes I think that being able to see the growth that comes from the negatives is the thing that keeps us sane...
If getting to the point where we can see it doesn't kill us first, of course.

It's so hard to sift through that kind of fallout, isn't it? It takes a great deal of clear-headed honesty with our own selves - to not take up blame that doesn't belong to us or foist off the responsibilities that lay with us... and clear-headedness is not generally the companion state to emotional turmoil.

I'm telling you, Pygar, this emotion stuff is for the birds! ;-)

SwitchingFun said...

My best wishes to your blogger friend Pygar. No one should ever go through such experience.

These kind of facts remind me how a dominant-sadist can easily abuse the trust given. By hiding behind 'pushing the boundaries' or other popular phrases, I sometimes found myself caught in a thin crossing line where risk aware mix with overconfidence plus LOVE lead to 'consensual' abuse and violence. Intentionally or not, once done the damage cannot be reversed.

The last line of defense for me is the group community where we share, learn, grow and support each other. It takes others to realize the line has been crossed sometimes ;-).

Pygar said...

Thanks Jz

"Sometimes I think that being able to see the growth that comes from the negatives is the thing that keeps us sane..."



...well, like you said.

P xx

Pygar said...

Thanks SwitchingFun.

You mention the last line of defence as the group community. I agree that can be very powerful and supportive. Your point about others noticing first when a line has been crossed is instructive. It is up to us all to feel strong enough to express such feelings even when we know that might not be welcomed.

I know that even after several years there are members of our online community who still think kindly and supportively of the person mentioned in my post.

P xx