Confidence

A sub has to have confidence in her Master.

She needs to be confident in his abilities, his knowledge, his care, his wisdom, his determination. She needs that confidence to know that she will come to no harm with him - emotionally, psychologically or physically.

A Master needs to have confidence in himself - without that how can his sub give herself completely to him without reservation? How can she be confident in him if he no longer shares that confidence?

Recent events have shaken me a bit. They have certainly shaken my confidence. My confidence in being a good Master.

They say it takes confidence to ride a bike. Otherwise it just doesn't work. Maybe I've just fallen off my bike. I guess I need to climb back on quickly to prove to myself that I can still do it.

To regain my confidence that I can once again be a good Dom.

Parting

Juliet said,

"Parting is such sweet sorrow"

A relationship has recently changed in ways I would not have wished. I find no sweetness in the sorrow.

Though the phrase evokes the emotional equivalent of many a bdsm encounter inextricably linking pleasure with pain.

The notes linked above say it better:
"Depending on how gripping you find the first balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet, Juliet's parting may or may not be "such sweet sorrow." In any case, her phrase is an oxymoron, combining contradictory ideas of pleasure and pain. Parting is sorrowful because Juliet would prefer, like a mischievous youth ("wan-ton"), to snare her lover in twisted "gyves" (chains or fetters). Parting is pleasurable, presumably, because doing anything with Romeo is pleasurable. Note the latent sadomasochism of this exchange, and the almost wistful prophecy that Romeo will be killed with too much cherishing."

safewords and trust

lili wrote a post on her blog recently about "safewords".

Safe words are often used in a bdsm context for safety. It means an intense scene can take place which might involve some pleading from the sub which does not result in the Dom relenting. However she knows that if she uses her safe word then the scene will stop immediately. It can help some subs feel safe, knowing they can trust their Dom to stop if they use that word. Just the giving of such a word can help establish a level of trust.

Many established D/s couples do not use safe words as their trust goes further than that.

I think that is what lili was describing. She wants to be part of a relationship where the trust level is so strong that she can be so submissive as to give the whole of the responsibility of the scene to her Dom. In that way she feels she could be taken even closer to the "edge of beyond" and undergo even more intense experiences than might be possible if she was tempted to use her safe-word when things became difficult.

She is prepared to accept things might go wrong as in the example I gave below - Mistakes. But as long as she was truly loved and cared for then she feels she would be able to get through it.

Perhaps it is just a dream ...

but we can all have our dreams. I hope lili's come true for her one day.

John Phillip Law

John Phillip Law, actor, born September 7 1937; died May 13 2008

John Phillip Law was the actor who played the part of Pygar in the film Barbarella. It is his photograph used at the head of this blog and as my profile picture. He died on Tuesday aged 70.

You can read an obituary here.

More about trust

A sub friend of mine met up with a new Dom recently. He seemed to understand her, things went well, he was respectful of her and seemed not to make assumptions or press too hard at first . . .

But on their first morning after the night before a little thing got in the way. It was so small. It was only a display of affection rejected hurtfully. Both were stubborn and did not back down.

He knew that subs are supposed to back down I suppose.

But she didn't.

There was an email exchange to try to resolve it. In it he demanded her trust.

He instructed her to trust him.

Otherwise how could he be her Master?

He was right that he could not be her Master without there being trust. Trust is central to such relationships. Where I believe he was wrong was in believing that he could just demand it.

Real trust has to be earned over a long period. You cannot just demand that someone trust you and for that trust to be real rather than a pretence.

She could no longer trust him.

So she is sensibly now getting to know a different Master.

Trust

Trust me ...

... I'm a Dom!

I always thought trust had to be earned not demanded.

More soon . . .

Mistakes

We all make mistakes. Well I know I do anyway.

Some Doms seem to find such admissions difficult. I think they feel it undermines their position of dominance - as if this has to include some kind of invincibility or omnipotence. Such arrogance can be dangerous though I understand that some subs find it enticing.

I've recently come across a post from a Dom admitting to his mistake and what he can learn from it.

I have been following trinity-pup's blog since it started. I think it was Beau who encouraged her to start blogging. She is very happy with her new Dom and has been writing about it. However recently something went wrong. A hard limit was crossed that led to distress.

trinity-pup writes of what happened here.

Her Master, Singleglove, writes his version of it here.

As Singleglove said, "Lesson learned."

I am pleased that trinity-pup is in such good hands.

I'm also pleased that there are other "kind Doms" out there.

deepest submission

I read this on a contact site this morning:

The deepest submission is when a Master whispers into your ear, and you hear it in your heart.

a return ...

Hello again.

Welcome back if any of you are still out there.

This blog turned into something else and began to serve another purpose. A private purpose between two close friends. That purpose has gone now and I have decided to make the blog public again and become a space for me to explore issues about D/s and my own nature.

I am interested to receive comments on anything I publish here.

xPx