I have just exchanged a couple of messages with a sub who I did not know until now. Her previous Dom insisted she have - I think it was five cosmetic operations. This includes a nose job and breast implants. The breasts are hard and out of proportion with her body. Her new nose was a very painful procedure. She hates how she looks now and works out strenuously to create a body image that she feels is her. She has published pictures of herself in the hope that she may get some positive comments to help her esteem and self-image.
Another sub I know has lost weight at the instruction of her Dom. She has gone down from over 20 stone (about 300 pounds) to an English dress size 10/12 (American 6/8 I think). I fist met her when she was about size 14/16 (American 10/12). She was happy with her weight and body shape then. However now she hates her body. She hates the way her breasts are no longer full and sag. She hates other sagging folds of skin. She is no doubt much healthier than before - and is exercising lots on instruction too. However she has not yet quite reached her Master's target weight for her.
These are fairly extreme examples but I have seen subs on contact sites looking for a Dom to transform them in such ways.
There are many other ways in which a Dom may require a body modification that is less extreme. This might be a small tattoo or a piercing. Such things may be regarded as more acceptable - but even in such cases they are often a joint decision for both to make and celebrate their relationship.
But if the tattoo was large and unsightly - or visible - or used explicit bdsm language?
I wonder if many readers have undergone body modification at the instruction of their Master - or have required it of their sub - and what their attitudes to this is.
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No, I am not a health expert or a scientific expert. So I will not try to
offer you any of my own advice. Instead I am going to shamelessly pinch
from Fetl...
4 years ago
16 comments:
I had the pet's nipples pierced. just nice bars through each. They make nice attachment points and make her nipples permanently erect.
Other than that nothing has been done to change her skin. I love her freckles...that's enough for me.
I think the pet is very fond of this modification.
i just recently found your blog and started reading ..
the only thing i have had done to my body is a tattoo... its got symbols of the date that Master took me as His, and His initial, a bit hidden unless you know its there.this was a mutual decision.
i am also under instructions to diet and exercise.. i am a size medium/ sometimes large( american) but have gained a few pounds since meeting Master. i am also to quit smoking, which has proven to be quite difficult for me so far.
(as a side bar, i did not take my responsibilities stated above seriously enough and after some warnings, Master has taken my rules away from me... at least until i can prove myself to Him again..)
Hisflower
Now, to me, the first example you cite is VERY different from some of the other cites - that type of surgery is (in my opinion) FAR beyond a D/s or M/s 'body modification' and is rather an example of a naricisstic individual creating a "perfect doll" - not wanting a real person at all.
I feel very bad for that woman that she was unable to say NO if these were things she did not want and it must have absolutely destroyed her sense of self worth.
I would not call the puppetmaster in that case a "dominant" at all.
Insofar as some of the other examples - I see them in two categories:
1) tats and piercings, scarification etc is one type of body modification - to be agreed to between them and realistically has to fit in with the lifestyles as real world concerns must be taken into account. I have several - His "D" tattooed on my butt and 4 silver rings in my outer labia - he in turn has matching silver rings (2) in one of his earlobes. It was very emotional (and vis-a-vis rings, bloody PAINFUL LOL) getting them and despite the lack of the D/s dynamic in our relationship at the present time, I have NO regrets and don't think I ever would or will.
2) weight control/health - I actually DO see this as POSSIBLY being part of an excellent and healthy D/s dynamic. IF the weight/health issues are being addressed out of concern for the health and well being of the submissive, NOT to fulfill (as in the extreme case you cite) as a means to fulfill an unrealistic fantasy of the dominant.
Too much weight is ultimately NOT good for a body - any body- and if a Dominant feels this impacts on his submissive's health, as a caring and nurturing domiant it woudl be almost neglectful NOT to address this and put directives in place to change things. So too with exercise.
I am diabetic (type 2)- D. has in the past monitored my eating patterns closely - and kept my weight and exercise habits healthy - becuase ultimately it matters to him a great deal that I stay healthy and strong.
Ultimately, too much - or in all honesty- too little weight can also have an impact on play - both in terms of what is physically possible but also energy levels so there are many positive facets to dominant and submissive agreeing that some directives and control of this aspect of her/his life is a legitimate part of the dynamic.
I control my girls diet and exercise to maintain a healthy body and I don't like thin so she does not have to worry about that.
I also monitor as oppose to control her asthma medication not because she can't or won't but more as two sets of eyes are better than one. I don't consider these body modifications though just good health.
I'm not really a sub, at least I don't think so yet, so my opinion may not be relevant here. My husband and I only started experimenting together less than a year ago. I am his completely, but whenever it comes up, my phrase is, "there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for him." I can't imagine the trouble it creates to say, "I would do anything for him." That opens up a whole lot of potential for testing that commitment. It's a great show of trust in your dominant to say, "I would do anything for you." I think any dominant that commands disagreeable and harmful acts of a sub to prove her commitment to him is either insecure or unworthy of that trust, or both.
Your modification of pet sounds delightful Tristan. What fun one could have ... ! I am pleased she is fond of it.
I think Hisflower that many couples have tattoos as a symbol of the permanent nature of their relationship. It can be a very loving thing. A few have mentioned diet as something that is required - as a support for something the sub finds difficult. I once tried to help out a sub of my own in this way - but it was very much through making sure it was what my sub wanted and was an attempt to help her.
Thanks Selkie for your analysis - I think your divisions of different types of body modification is helpful. I agree with your thoughts about weight and health control as I have written above. I think this can be a very supportive dynamic - and I think is perhaps different from piercings etc as you have suggested.
I'm glad you are still pleased with your piercings even though the relationship that gave rise to them may have changed.
Thanks Sir J - there seems to be a common thread here about the helpfulness such monitoring in relation to health issues.
Not a sub K? Really? I had a look at the first page of your blog yesterday and ... well a spankee at least! Your opinions are certainly relevant and welcome.
We discussed some of the areas about being prepared to do anything in a post on limits - which is clearly very connected to this post. I feel there is something very strong on your words here ...
"I think any dominant that commands disagreeable and harmful acts of a sub to prove her commitment to him is either insecure or unworthy of that trust, or both."
xPx
i don't understand the mentality of any Dom who would go to such lengths as extreme plastic surgery and modification to his sub/slave. If he wasn't happy with how she looked in the first place, then go and look for someone else. i think that is taking control way too far.
i have a tattoo and piercing already (before meeting SG) which He loves. He joked with me once that He wanted me to have a tattoo across my buttocks with "property of SingleGlove" (but i think He was only joking).
t. x
Hello t. Watch out - some Doms have a very strange sense of humour!!!!
xPx
I do understand some body modifications. Piercings or tattoos that signify possession or have meaning to the relationship. J and I have discussed piercings and I fully expect to eventually have them.
More extensive changes, like plastic surgery, seem too extreme to me. Regardless of the dynamic, that goes beyond submission. At some point it becomes a rejection of what you have and becomes an effort to obtain something they are not.
I do think that society and shows, such as Extreme Makeover, have fueled some of this. For most subs though, me included, it is about being valued for who you already are.
I hope it was clear that when I described K's words as "strong" I meant that also as "powerful". I think there is a lot in what she says.
trinity pup and Alice both talk of plastic surgery as being "extreme". However I have three sub friends who have undertaken plastic surgery to help their own self-image. There is something extreme in it being done on the instruction of a Dom - but are we here just back into discussions of consensuality?
Within bdsm there is also a theme of objectification - perhaps some body modification involving surgery is just at one end of the spectrum in this area.
Personally though I have a lot of concerns about such permanent and extreme changes. But where does one draw the line? Some body piercings could be considered very extreme by some but not by others.
I take your point Alice about subs being valued for what they are. But many subs describe themselves as being on a journey. They want to be changed. Often this may be emotionally or psychologically - but for some perhaps physically as well?
xPx
Pygar,
Your point is well taken. I myself, see this as a journey. I suppose the difference is that my journey, and the changes that are occurring, may be prompted by Him, but come from within myself. He is my mentor and my guide, but the lessons and the growth are my own. I have never felt that He was insisting on change, but He has been pleased and welcoming of it.
I do think that I might have been too quick to judge the relationships of others. We all have our own dynamic and level of power exchange. I myself say that I would "do anything" for Him, but perhaps that is because I believe there is a limit to what He would require (or is there?). I do believe that the bottom line is both trust and consensuality. I trust Him to keep me safe and take care of me. Everything I offer Him is completely consensual. I know that He values me for who I am as an individual, but He also values my submission. Would my value be less, if my submission was less? I am not sure, but I know it would be different.
I agree with K though. J has proven Himself worthy of my trust. My submission, His dominance and all that encompasses it, enhances me and fulfills me. If He required something of me that caused permanent distress or harm, that would cross a line for me. Maybe the answer lies in the intent. I view a power exchange as cyclical, the exchange meets the needs of both parties, when it becomes too one sided it can cause the dynamic to collapse.
These are just my thoughts, I am sure that there are many that would disagree with me.
Alice
Pygar,
MJ had my nipples pierced last Saturday. It is all on His blog for the world to see..for me, it has been a very positive experience. Some of the feelings i have experienced are a surprise..just how owned it makes me feel and how nice it would be to feel them under my clothing and be reminded of what i am and who i serve during my work day...and others validate what i had long suspected i might feel should He ever choose to mark me.
It was an act of physical intensity, but the emotional component for both of U/us was also quite intense. W/we both experienced it as an act of complete submission and that was good.
Best wishes to you for a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful 2009! Thanks for sharing with us this year. i look forward to more thought provoking writing from you in the year to come!
~MJ's slave nik
Everyone has said everything that needs to be said already. I just wanted to say I agree. This issue is the same as any other issue relating to a D/s relationship. In a serious D/s relationship, the Dom has the power, and of course his sub belongs to him and he may do with her what he wishes. But a GOOD Dom will always love & care about his sub.
Going to such extremes as forced plastic surgery shows to me a streak of cruelty beyond simple healthy domination. There was something mentally WRONG with that man.
When a Dom makes a sub do something she doesn't want to do, he should do it only to the right amount, and in the right increments. he should be doing it for his pleasure of course, but also taking into consideration the mental & physical wellbeing of his sub. If we think of a sub as a possession... it should be a treasured possession, one which the Owner should take very, VERY good care of, even if he can do with it whatever he likes.
Morgan
xox
Thank you Morgan - I agree, a sub should be a very treasured possession.
xPx
I am, to whom pygar refers to, when He discusses the extreme weight loss.
Some was done before my present ownership, but Master has pushed me that little bit further,and certaily further than I would of contemplated trying to attain.
I like my new svelt figure, clothed, and even 3 months on, am still amazed to be able to fit into the small size clothes that I do now. I am confident because of this new look to me, and certainly feel far sexier.
True, the unfirm tits and saggy stomach area, dont do much for me at all visually...but in a way, they are reminders of just how well I have done, all that weight lost. I feel so much fitter, and need to be as a single mum. Approaching "middle age" (or even already there?!).. I dont wish for an early heart attack, or diabetes, and plan to be here for many years yet to look after & support my children.
I am pleased that Master set the goal, and then moved it when the first goal was attained. He still monitors my weight, and controls what I am allowed to eat (although no longer controls portion sizes)
He definitely had my health and confidence at the forefront of His decision to control my weight.
it is hard to maintain, to keep below the upper limit, but the diet & exercise has taught me so much about just how much the body needs and doesnt need, and it is so very finely tuned now, and very dependent upon how much energy I have used up in the day.
I know my own body and its dietry needs so much better.
Self control now, another gift from Master :)
Thank you anonymous. And I can verify, having met you recently, how attractive you look at your new weight.
xPx
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