Wednesday 7 January 2009

poly relationships ...

It can sound such fun - two subs for the price of one! Though it always seems to be two or more subs with the one Master - rather than the other way around! I don't suppose that would work. Though there are Masters who lend out their subs - perhaps that is the equivalent. (I have just recollected also Dom/Domme couples who share a sub.)

Contact websites often include requests for another sub to join an established D/s relationship.

I wonder how well these relationships work in reality. We have often talked here of the importance of trust. I guess in a polyamorous relationship that aspect of trust is all the more necessary. I wonder how one stops jealousy coming in to the mix? Sharing can sometimes be very hard. Maybe it just needs even more quality communication than in a two-person relationship?

A reader wrote to me a little while ago about the fact that her relationship with her Master was about develop to include a close female friend of hers. At the start though there was a concern about communications and a worry started to niggle. Talking it through sorted it out ... but even amongst close friends there was perhaps the hint of jealousy right at the very beginning.

I hope it is working well for them now.


Sue said...

Ours is a poly household of the sort that you describe. In terms of history, Master had a collared submissive when He and I first met on a listserve to which we both belonged. Ours was an acquaintanceship at first that grew, in time to a friendship although we'd never met. In time, we did all meet at a BDSM event, and became good friends and very occasional play partners because of the constraints of distance. As our relationships developed, He and she married, and at almost the same time, He and I came to realize that we loved each other. Eventually we became Master and slave. For us, polyamory seemed the solution that honored all the relationships and allowed us to arrange our lives so that no one had to "lose." It was not easy, and there were jealousies and hurts and difficult passages, especially in the beginning. We believed in each other and in our love enough that we kept working at it even when it was difficult. We've lived together fulltime for the last seven years, and hope to continue to do so for the rest of our lives.

Poly is not for everyone, and not everyone makes a success of it. It can be done, and when it works, it can be very good.


Anonymous said...

I think poly is one of the most complex things to get right. The rewards can be enormous, but it also takes a huge amount of work, especially where communication is concerned.

In my own experience, it also takes a Dom who's prepared to fully take charge and be responsible for having the final say when difficulties arise and an 'impasse' is reached. I knew both the joy and the difficulties of a poly relationship. What it taught me is that I definitely have a poly heart, but that the reality is often much more difficult that the dream.

love and hugs xxx

til said...

I'm giving serious thought to the subject at the moment. I'm the classic 'strong submissive', able to work intensely through the day, at an emotional level, knowing that I can curl up in my Master's arms at night, no more cares to carry, no more souls to hold.

But our 'house' needs to expand, a business partner is being sought, and one of the things that needs to be considered is to bring in a another house member, a submissive (we'll, there's already far too much domminess around here!) who can also be part of what we do.

I have always held the view that to run a poly relationship requires a very strong initial relationship. And I'm sure it does, but in the run up to meeting our first potential 3rd house member, I realised that my Master and I were working hard to fix any cracks we could see in our relationship.

Which made me realise that in fact, a poly relationship has no room for complacency, whereas 'faithful' mono relationships are almost predicated on it, and at the very least, allow it without check.

So, if your relationship is initially strong enough to stand the shock, excitement and infatuation elements of a new person joining it, I believe poly will further strengthen it.

Lady Alpha

Pygar said...

As I have no personal experience of such relationships it is very interesting to hear from you swan and M:e about your own experiences. Thank you very much for sharing them with us.

Good luck Lady Alpha with your proposed poly relationship. I hope it works out well for all of you. It is interesting that you both recognised the need to ensure the strength of your own relationship before inviting another to join it. Let us know how it goes!


Tristan said...

I've not come even close to polyamory. To me it's anathama to my desire for control. It's all about the one under the other in my world, sharing has no place

Although I can see a certain attraction to the idea of comunal life, I'm just not attracted to it.

I'm just not one to say your kink is fine it's just not as good as mine and since at this point I've pretty much exposed my complete lack of understanding of the topic, I will quietly skulk off into a corner with a view of the moon and shut up.

impy said...

Hehe I love the questions you pop on the blog Pygar. Always enlightening topics and this one being personally close to my heart. I did a post today regrading poly, feel free to read it. x

Pygar said...

Thank you Tristan. Your point about the possible contradiction between control and sharing is very interesting.

It will be right for only a few I suppose - but I have to admit thee is something challenging about it that draws my interest.

- P

Pygar said...

Thank you very much vanimp.

Readers may be interested in her post which can be found here. It gives a good description of misconceptions about polyamory. Thanks vanimp.