Monday, 15 November 2010

"hugs heal"

"Hugs heal." I read this on a message board recently in relation to a bereavement. Two people at least subscribed to the kind thought.

I am a firm believer in hugs - whether needed or not! They are definitely needed after (and sometimes before) a BDSM play session. A sub needs to know she is loved and cared for and a hug is a physical manifestation of friendship and care.

I like hugging friends, both male and female. There is nothing sexual in it. If there is then it turns into a cuddle, a caress which can lead delightfully to other things. That is fine but it is good to know a hug can be non-sexual. Just there to offer care and friendship and support. As such it can be very, very, very powerful.

But ...

Hugs don't heal ... though they can ease the pain.

16 comments:

B'Man said...

I would go with "hugs help facilitate healing". And I agree with you, hugs are a good thing.

Pygar said...

Thanks B'man. Yes - I might compromise with "hugs help facilitate healing"!

I think what kind of upset me a little was that to suggest grief could be healed by hugs was to misunderstand the long lasting nature of the grief that accompanies bereavement or many other major life changing events. I know that the comments were meant kindly. I am sure the person they were directed at took them as such. However, they perhaps implied a lack of depth of appreciation of the true distress this person was still feeling a year after the event.

- P

Mindset said...

No matter straight, gay, bi, male, female, young, old, vanilla, kinked, Dom, or sub, we all crave the human touch on some level.

Pygar said...

Thank you Mindset. I agree with you. I think too that it is essential as part of any BDSM activity to use touch to maintain that contact and assurance of care.

I wonder also if much bdsm is almost a manifestation of that need for touch and contact in a different way. Could a desire for bondage be a need to feel that closeness of a tight and loving hug?

Just a thought ...

xPx

Jen said...

I've always been a firm believer in this;

Hugs are like Band-Aids.

The don't HEAL anything. But, they do wrap firmly around the wound, hugging it and keep it safe from the world, for however long its used.

You scraped knee always felt better when [whoever did your rearing] put a band-aid on it. It didn't fix it, there was still a bloody knee there, but it showed that someone cared enough to come over, and touch you.

:)

Pygar said...

Thank you Jen.

That is beautiful. What a wonderful analogy.

I love the idea of hugs keeping you safe while the body and mind heal.

xPx

Goddess Eden said...

I read somewhere once that you should hug the people you care about at least 7 times a day. Which when you think about it how often do we actually do that?

Pygar said...

Thanks Goddess Eden.

This site suggests 4 Hugs for Survival, 8 Hugs for Maintenance and 12 Hugs for Growth.

You are right though that few of us give or receive that many. There is evidence that hugs genuinely can help with one's health.

xPx

Ida Virgin said...

Wow... lately I'm lucky if I get seven hugs a week :-(

There are several stray cats that live outside my apartment building. One of them, a beautiful little spotted female, likes to scratch at my door until I come out and pet her. It's really sad how often I compare myself to that cat, starving for affection.

Pygar said...

Thanks Ida Virgin. I'm sorry you aren't getting the needed number of hugs - I think many of us are often in the same boat! If readers of this blog all lived closer we could have a hugging convention!

It is interesting you mentioned the cat though - I wonder if some people have pets as part of that need for touching and unconditional affection?

xPx

Ida Virgin said...

Oh definitely! There are several reasons that I want to get a dog (I was just laid off or else I would be getting a puppy this weekend)... and ranking pretty high up there is because I want to be able to give nourishment and affection to someone who wants it.

SubRosaNoMore said...

I really liked Jen's analogy. Hugs may not heal, but they certainly help. To me, a hug is an offering of intimacy, an invitation to share each other's personal space, to step into each other's energy field, if you will. In the case of grief, it's a physical gesture that says, "I offer you my strength and warmth, if only for a little while, to help ease your burden."

Pygar said...

Thanks again Ida Virgin. I too want to lavish nourishment and affection on one who deserves it. Though I am still not into pets (well other than the human kind!)

xPx

Pygar said...

Thanks SubRosaNoMore. Yes - Jen's comment was brilliant wasn't it? I love too though your interpretation of the message a hug can give in that context.

xPx

nilla said...

as a woman who doesn't get near enough hugs in her day-to-day life, i can tell you that one of the memories that linger for months are the hard, firm hugs i get when i am with my Sir.
There is great comfort to be found, wrapped tightly in the arms of another, not in a shielding way, tho i suppose that is sometimes a component...
but more in an "I'm here, and open to you, you're here and open to me."

nilla

Pygar said...

Thank you nilla for your lovely words about hugs.

Yes - hey are a great comfort and more ...

xPx