I am not into this in a big way at all. Perhaps in small ways that help enhance a sub's feelings of submission. However I know there are subs who get off on this in a big way - and also Doms who love to humiliate.
A recent correspondent told me of a very humiliating task she was expected to carry out. She could not do it - it was completely out of her nature and potentially dangerous as well as humiliating and degrading. It was the end of their relationship. He "released" her saying she was a wannabe and not a sub. I rather feel that he was the "wannabe" and would not have given a task to his sub that she could not complete if he truly understood her and cared for her.
However there are subs who thrive on humiliation. A sub friend of mine is such a one. A previous Master made her submit to and have sex with strangers, take photographs of herself masturbating in a male toilet, masturbate in her car at a lay-by with traffic passing, urinate wearing tight jeans standing in a busy shopping mall and probably far worse she has never told me of or I have forgotten! She is a mature, strong and intelligent woman. However she thrives on this.
I wonder how readers respond to this area. Can you enjoy being humiliated or humiliating another? Does it strengthen the D/s dynamic for you? Or rather, is it just in danger of removing respect and trust and destroying the dynamic.
Is submission itself a humiliation?
"But why?"
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20 comments:
Thank you!!! Definately my kind of post!
I cannot describe the feelings of utter bliss i have when humiliated, the shame and self disgust that sweeps over me is scary but at the same time so very exciting and arrousing. I can't explain or even begin to understand why i am like i am...i just am.
I have been in every situation the friend you describe has (minus the tight jeans...not allowed to have my legs covered) and more still and still want and need more!
My Master & Mistress understand my needs and the more humiliaton i suffer the more i respect,love and need Them.
As i said earlier i cant explain why i desire humiliation and degradation...i always end up distraught and in tears, depressed for hours after the event but also extremely arroused...disgusted with myself at what i had just done but also wanting more.
sarah
I think the appeal of humiliation for me is in the loss of control, being under someone else's intent, acting out something for another - whether it's humiliating or out of character, I'm able to remove from it to a certain extent. I might suffer embarrassment or some risk of it, but its almost like taking a dare - when it's done then I feel stronger and proud that I've pleased him.
Thank you very much sarah for describing how you find humiliation blissful, arousing and exciting.
You talk though of shame and self disgust sweeping over you, that you always end up distraught and in tears, depressed for hours after the event. These sound though like such negative emotions that one would want to avoid despite the arousal they bring. Is the level of arousal worth all the negative feelings?
Or is there also a certain emotional masochism present so that you also want the negative emotions?
Thanks again for your openness about this.
I think too Latona that most subs like the feeling of loss of control - I suppose that ties up with the previous post about helplessness. I can understand quite well the way you describe completing a humiliating task as being like taking a dare - and feeling stronger and proud if you achieve it. I suppose we all get pleasure and satisfaction from completing a challenging task successfully. Perhaps that is what humiliation can be in this context. Thank you very much for your interesting perspective.
- P xx
To me the negative thoughts are an essential integral part of the the whole experience.
First there is arrousal knowing i will be humiliated, then the event itself (more arrousal), and then coming down afterwards...the shame and disgust with myself reinforces the humiliation i feel and therefore continuing the state of arrousal i'm in.
So yes...the state of arrousal is most definately worth the negative feelings...they go hand in hand.
I have to say just writing this and thinking about the whole subject is arrousing to me.
sarah
Thank you sarah. It is interesting to have explained how humiliation works for someone who is so deeply attracted to it.
- P xx
I had a Dom release me because I culd not fulfill a humiliating task. In my opinion, the slight ins on the Dominants side and it does not make one less a submissive. Humiliation is not something I enjoy but it is something that I feel like I crave occasionally. I think this is part of the masochist/emotional masochist inside...or it could be from previous abusive relationships in my past that make feel like something's not right if I don't have that in my relationship. Its honestly something I've been working towards not feeling necessary as I'm not sure how healthy it is for me. Everyone is different and gets different things out of humiliation. It's a bit like a flame, and I am a mere moth unable to resist its calling.
Thank you so very much Storey for this very personal and honest comment.
You write, "I had a Dom release me because I culd not fulfill a humiliating task. In my opinion, the slight ins on the Dominants side and it does not make one less a submissive."
By chance I already have a post ready to publish on Uncle Agony about exactly this. Please look out for it on Monday. You have already taken the words out of my mouth.
Be careful though as the moth drawn to the flame. Please don't get too burnt.
P xx
i'm not humiliated by being a submissive...perhaps because i found it so late in life?
i'm not into "humiliation play"...including potentially 'dangerous' play--something that would expose me to the world, which would affect my vanilla life and relationships...and my Master is very very cognizant of those dangers...
That said, he will often tease me about things like farting...not "humiliating" in the grand scheme the way Sarah has spoken of, but rather embarrassing for me...
nilla
Just found your blog and I have been enjoying reading it. Nice to read the Dom perspective its very interesting!
I don't see myself being "humiliated" I don't know if its because I am new at the whole thing or what but I do not see it that way. When my husband/master tells me to do something he always keeps my feelings in mind I think and is very wise in choosing how he disciplines me.
Looking forward to reading more!
~Loving
I am not into humiliation at all! In fact if something would break me that would be it. Thankfully Sir don't crave this at all, even if He don't share my aversion to it. Accidental humiliation is bad enough (always my own doing out of my epic ability of being a calamity *grrr*)
Thanks nilla, Signed Loving and Sweet girl. You seem to be in agreement that humiliation is not for you.
However there are subs who like sarah are aroused by humiliation and degradation.
There are some who equate the act of submission itself with humiliation - though I am most definitely not one of them.
Thanks for the contributions.
P xx
There is no way I would accept being humiliated infact I wonder why "submissives" do but after reading sarah etcera views on the subject,I got my answer!!
When I read blogs pertaining to D/s and read how subs are treated / beaten and how they enjoy the "rush" I wonder to myself how could I even want to be controlled by another and then I stop and walk away!!
So why am I back to reading several Dominants blogs saved to favorites!!
I guess Christina like many others that there is something in D/s that might not appeal to your logical and analytical self but does appeal to your emotions and desire.
P xx
I appreciate you keeping this blog up with the comments. My sub enjoys being humiliated & I haven't found that within myself to do so, yet. He has taught me about being a Domme for a couple months now & have been loving the experience. I've been looking for ways to understand the humiliation aspect to be abetter domme. Thank you.
I am really pleased that you have found the discussion useful Karen. Thank you for commenting - and good luck!
P xx
Speaking as a dom myself, I would never enforce humiliation on a sub who is not into submission. Those who punish a sub for not being into humiliation is more on an ego trip than in being a dom.
I do agree with you Master R. Thank you for your comment.
- P
I have revisited this discussion in a new post. Readers who are interested in this topic can read my further thoughts here.
P
I reckon there are a couple different values getting all tangled up in this prospect. I can definitely understand the interest in seeing someone at the extreme end of vulnerability, but that seems different to me from seeing them feel badly about themselves. A bit may depend of whether or not the humiliation takes, so to speak. Is the submissive individual actually humiliated or are they still strong and proud after all? For that matter, efforts to humiliate could compromise the dominance. I think control is more interesting when it's a bit on the cold side, relentless and uncompromising. Actual insults or clear efforts to humiliate seem to me almost a sign of weakness. Counterproductive.
Thank you northierthanthou. I wrote a longer comment in reply a couple of days ago but it disappeared into the ether!
You might be interested in Bleau d'Ame's comment to my recent post where she writes that she can indeed feel strong and proud after humiliation play. Her full comment is here.
P
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