Wednesday, 23 January 2013

on being a sadist

I have often baulked at the idea of being a sadist.

I don't think of myself as a sadist. Outside of a BDSM context I am a kind and gentle person and would not wish anyone harm. On the contrary I feel strongly about issues to do with people who are harmed by others.

Of course I wish no harm to anyone - especially to someone I love and care for. I suppose I see sadism as something that sets out to cause harm. That is surely not me.

But to cause hurt rather than harm. Again I would not deliberately hurt anyone outside of a D/s relationship. Within that relationship it is only as part of control and as a response to a masochistic desires that I cause pain.

In that context though ...

... well all right. I admit it. I like causing pain. It arouses me. It arouses me when my sub asks me to cause her pain. I get pleasure when I see that talking of giving her pain arouses her. I love the connection of pain and arousal. I love searching for the connection between pain and pleasure. I love exploring all these things with my submissive woman and learning more about each other and our desires.

Before, after and alongside the giving of pain though, I give reassurance and caresses and kisses and pleasure.

She says I am a kind sadist.

Are you a sadist? Is your Master a sadist? Is kindness or an equivalent a necessary part of this for you?


Anna May said...

With my Sir whom I am not with anymore, was a sadist with out a doubt but he was also very gentile, during and after.. if that makes any sense.

He would hurt then kiss, keeping a constant reminder of his gentile nature, along with his sadistic needs.

Which for a masochist such as I, was a bit confusing for me at first...but definitely drew a closer connection. Making it easier for me to trust him.

I can not speak for him yet I will try anyway lol. I think he also struggling with the why of it. With him being a gentlemen, kind, and basically a good man. How could he enjoy hurting someone? and my answer is the same reason I enjoy the pain, its just the way we are.

Those are my feeling on being a sadist, and I also must say I am very happy that there are sadist out there that care.

Anna May

nbs said...

I've been with a "nurturing Sadist" my Sir for the last almost 3 years.

He is very gentle, loving and tender always... which did confuse me at first.. How could he kiss me then hurt me so dreadfully? But that is his nature. That is what he does.. and does so very well.

I am no longer confused by this duality. He does not wish to HARM me.. but to cause me pain and hurt.. why yes indeed. He loves my suffering and my tears ; that I do not understand but I don't really need to understand.

It is a part of what I can give him.

Pygar said...

Thank you very much Anna May and nbs. I feel a strong connection with what each of you has written.

P xx

Kitty for Mr. Woods said...

Im not a sadist or a masochist, but I enjoyed this post and the comments. Sadism and masochism are fascinating to me. I dont like pain, but I can handle quite a bit of it. I do like spankings with hand, belt, and I love the flogger. Those things seem too tame to label myself masochist though. Maybe Im wrong, or maybe I havent experienced enough pain to really know. Sir isnt a sadist, but he does like doing things that push me, physically and mentally, because its a blantant display of my submission to him when I do them. I wonder if sadism is similar? Is it arrousing to inflict pain because she is allowing you to do these things to her? Because it feels dominant and powerful? Or is it more?

And for me, I love any display of power by Mr. Woods. Anything to show me he is stronger and that he owns me. I wonder if the appeal of masachism is similar? Is it arrousing because its a show of power on his part?

Anyway, Im kind of rambling now, but to answer the question, I imagine if he was a sadist, that the kindness would be necessary. I feel it would remind me of his love and be a way of showing that he understands the severity of the pain he has inflicted on me and that it isnt done without careful consideration of my mental state.

Pygar said...

Hello Kitty

You say you, "don't like pain." However you then go on to write that, "I can handle quite a bit of it. I do like spankings with hand, belt, and I love the flogger."

That might seem contradictory - but I think I understand you. Spankings and use of the flogger can be done in such a way that they are almost sensual rather than severe pain. My submissive woman tells me now that my spankings of her are more like a caress. (That's not what she used to say!!!)

That is part of the fun of this - discovering that line between a sensual light pain and harsh pain. Also in working on moving the line where one morphs into the other.

So eventually the "sensual" pain can become quite severe - certainly more so that in early stages of development. Does one then become a masochist almost without realising? And is a sadist just one who loves to move those boundaries so that more severe pain becomes acceptable and even sensual?

But yes - you are right too that it is about power.

She lets me hurt her because it shows my ownership of her. Hurting her arouses me because her acceptance of pain from me exhibits her total submission to me.

I think that power and submission to power can be arousing. Perhaps sadism and masochism are part of this larger power dynamic.

I agree too how important the kindness aspect is.

Thank you Kitty for your stimulating comment.

P xx

Kitty for Mr. Woods said...

Youve inspired me to really think more on this. I talked to Sir about it, and we are both wondering if we actually are sadomasachists and havent realized it, like you said. We talked a lot about the word "pain". He thinks I actually enjoy pain. In my mind, if I enjoy it, its not pain anymore. It becomes pleasure. But it would meet most peoples definition of pain, so does that make me a masochist?

Im working on a blog post about it, but its an interesting topic to me and I think we are going to explore this a bit. Thank you for the thought provoking post!

tori said...

I found this blog through Kitty for Mr Woods and im glad i did!

Sadism and masochism fascinates me, i define as a masochist but have 'issues' with accepting that, perhaps because we are brought up that pain is not meant to be liked? etc

My Master is a sadist, he enjoys hurting me, he likes it more when im begging, struggling for it to stop, but he knows i desire this, he would not enjoy inflicting pain on someone that gained no pleasure from it at all, on any level.

For me, i like enduring, i like being pushed even though i may not like it at the time.

Pygar said...

Thank you tori for adding your perspective.

It is certainly another way that subs are eager to accept pain - not because they like the pain itself but because it exhibits the totality and depth of their commitment and submission.

I think there are many who, like you, love being pushed to their limits and gain huge satisfaction from having endured and got through it.

Take care and good luck.

P xx


I'm new to this and it has taken a lot of thinking and soul searching to even consider causing the person I love to be in pain.
It involves lots of trust, talking and understanding.

I take her to a new level of pain but the love, hugs and caressing afterwards is an essential part of it.
Otherwise, you're just a bully.

When they hug you and cry into your shoulder saying thank you, is an amazing feeling.

Thank you for your Blog.

Pygar said...

Thank you Master Jonathan for commenting from your own personal experience. Yes, I think many of us enjoy the hugs and caressing afterwards.

I'm pleased you like the blog.

- P

Anonymous said...

. My Sir is a sadist. Up until this week, I thought I understood it. Don't get me wrong, I get off on it and the pain.

He is both a verbal and physical sadist. His level of degradation and humiliation increases each play, along with the pain. This week it was very dark. At least, in comparison to other times. I've had a great deal trying to process it all. Of course, He has been there helping me.

Another blogger actually told me I should research being in a relationship with a Sadist. I thought it was a fabulous idea. It's how I came across this entry of yours.

Thank you. You put it into a perspective I didn't see. It isn't that He wishes to harm me, He wishes to hurt me. There is such a huge difference.

Thank you!

Pygar said...

I am pleased His slut that this post has helped you put an issue into perspective.

Yes there is a big and very important difference between hurt and harm. Harm can take many forms though and might not always be immediately recognised.

Take care

P xx

Anonymous said...

My Master is very sadistic... But also loving, kind, and constantly asks if I'm ok. Being a masochist, I am always fine. Master enjoys it when I'm in pain, and likes making it hard for me to breathe. I feel like we, tho beginners, are very strongly connected. I love Master, and can't wait until we live together so I can serve Him. Is there any advice on how to please Master when He isn't hurting me?

Pygar said...

It sounds as if you and your Master have a fun relationship that works well Anonymous.

You mention that you are both beginners and that Master "likes making it hard for me to breathe." There are many who enjoy breath play and use it in a risk aware way. Do be aware though that there can be serious risks with breath play and it might be good for you both to do some research into this and discuss the issues.

"Is there any advice on how to please Master when He isn't hurting me?" What an interesting question. I will try to respond to it on a new post on the blog later this week.

Thank you Anonymous.

P xx

Pygar said...

I have written a post about this which you can find here.