I wrote a little while ago about sub drop here and also on Uncle Agony here. I did not go into a lot of detail there about aftercare though it was raised. In any case it is not something I am an expert on. However I have just come across a series of posts by ara that discuss aftercare.
You can see ara's posts here and here. They include some poetry. Do read the posts if you have time. They are well written, interesting and informative.
ara writes from a personal perspective but also shows knowledge and deep thought about the issues of sub-drop and aftercare. She points out that aftercare can be necessary for Doms as well as subs and that it is just as essential online as in a face to face context.
In preparing for a scene how much do you plan also for the aftercare? What if something goes wrong - are you prepared then for the appropriate support? Following impromptu play are you ready to provide aftercare?
Do most Doms take this seriously enough? Is it something subs expect when they give their submission? Have you had good experiences of aftercare that have helped you recover from a difficult scene, from sub-drop or even from a scene that went well but was just very intense?
These are just a few of my questions but I am sure reading ara's posts will stimulate many more thoughts and ideas.
"But why?"
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8 comments:
I actually just wrote about aftercare here: http://ourchangingviews.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/who-needs-aftercare/
and I think I'm still learning how important it is.
Faile x
Dear Pygar,
You surprised me so with your post and now I can't stop smiling.
Sometimes a little gift out of the blue is special, this one is.
Thank You,
ara x
Thank you Faile for the link to your post about aftercare here. It is a great description of how different people will have different needs when it comes to aftercare.
As you write, "After an intense emotional experience it’s human to need to recover ones equilibrium and different people have different ways of doing that."
P xx
I'm glad it was a pleasant surprise ara. I like to put a smile on someone's face.
P xx
I've been lucky in that Sir has always been attentive to my mood after we've been together.
Sometimes it is not until I am alone that I realize I need more from him in the way of contact.
From the very beginning He made sure I knew I could call him or email him should I feel a need for anything at all in the way of aftercare.
Not every dominant I've known has been so careful and giving.
I do believe that dominants also have after care needs.. Sir has told me of his feelings of let down or sadness sometimes. We always have at least time to cuddle and hug before our time together is over.
I don't particularly "plan" for aftercare although I do bring chocolate, food and water to help us both bounce back.
We've been blessed that nothing major has gone wrong between us during a scene. I credit Sir with being very tuned into how I react; perhaps it is that we are well tuned to one another.
I never particularly expected aftercare before I met Sir. I had never had a bad reaction to anything and knew how to "hug" myself one way or another.
I do think it is the responsibility of both parties to be well aware of the other.. to be caring and concerned if something seems to be wrong.
Generally I think it is communication that makes taking care of another easy.. or easier. It seems a basic but sometimes overlooked essential.
It is interesting nbs that you agree with ara that Dominants also need aftercare. I suppose that it is because the experiences can be so intense. I suppose to the level of responsibility of the Dom can be stressful.
As you say - communication is key.
Thanks you very much for your thoughtful contribution.
P xx
the more i read your blog the more I love it. funny story about a graceful slave named ali, lol. she wanted to make a video for Master J of me tied to a chair with my grey ties. it ended when i gracefully tipped the chair over with me tied to it. Master Rick was horrified. I had to beg to continue. we got past it and now when I'm being tied to a chair it leans against the wall. after care. I'm a hearts and flowers person. Master Rick doesn't sleep well without me. Master J said he sleeps with slaves when the mood strikes. usually Master Rick and I shower together after a scene. Master J can't wait to reward me with dinner somewhere where the napkins are not of paper. (I'm a food addict). Miztress E can't wait for us to go shopping. I guess for us it's time spent together that is our After care.
Shopping as aftercare! Women!!!
LOL
More seriously - I think every couple need to find what works best for them.
P xx
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