double lives

There was a recent comment to an Uncle Agony post by Anonymous which you can read here. I've written a short post related to it on Uncle Agony here.

It got me thinking though about how people with strong and undeniable feelings of submission and dominance and are able to cope. I was recently in correspondence with a sub on Fetlife. Her husband had tried to dominate her but it just didn't work out. He just wasn't cut out for it. However he could see that she needed her submissive desires fulfilling. He gave her permission to search for a Dom and to submit to him as long as there was no penetrative sex. It is still early days but so far is working out well. However, there will no doubt be difficulties to overcome.

Few husbands, or wives, are likely to be this understanding and accommodating. If the needs are overwhelming then the only other ways forward seem to be separation - or having a secret affair. Anonymous, in the comment mentioned, describes herself as being married with three kids and living a double life. Her advice to other married women is, "if you test the water be prepared to swim."

I wondered how others may have resolved this problem in their own lives. If you too have tested the water - did you sink or swim?

online friends

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online ...

How important is the internet to you in relation to D/s and BDSM?

It can be a wonderful place to discover new things and to research areas one wants to know more about. It is a great place too to find out about other's experiences. There is a proliferation of blogs where people are describing their journey's into and through this world.

Would you have got into D/s without the internet? Is your relationship enhanced through knowledge you have gained from the net?

community

How important is the community of others who share a love of this way of life to readers I wonder?

Many I believe are in stable relationships that can be very independent. However a feeling of community and belonging can be very important. It can give an affirmation of one's views and lifestyle. It is good to know that others share one's approach to life. It is good not to feel alone.

So how do you get that feeling of community and affirmation? Some may be active in the "scene". There are munches and events galore. Some delight in being part of the scene whereas others avoid it like the plague. Some may perhaps get their feeling of belonging from an online community - of bloggers perhaps or through social networking sites like Fetlife.

So what about you? Is a sense of community important to you? Do you seek it out eagerly in real life or does an online community fulfil that need? Perhaps though you have no need of being part of a community and do not need a feeling of belonging.