There was a recent comment to an Uncle Agony post by Anonymous which you can read here. I've written a short post related to it on Uncle Agony here.
It got me thinking though about how people with strong and undeniable feelings of submission and dominance and are able to cope. I was recently in correspondence with a sub on Fetlife. Her husband had tried to dominate her but it just didn't work out. He just wasn't cut out for it. However he could see that she needed her submissive desires fulfilling. He gave her permission to search for a Dom and to submit to him as long as there was no penetrative sex. It is still early days but so far is working out well. However, there will no doubt be difficulties to overcome.
Few husbands, or wives, are likely to be this understanding and accommodating. If the needs are overwhelming then the only other ways forward seem to be separation - or having a secret affair. Anonymous, in the comment mentioned, describes herself as being married with three kids and living a double life. Her advice to other married women is, "if you test the water be prepared to swim."
I wondered how others may have resolved this problem in their own lives. If you too have tested the water - did you sink or swim?