"In my case, I crave the pain. I dream of it, I write of it... but I am in a strictly vanilla relationship. I will never get what it is that I really want, so I find other ways. I can only imagine the high one must feel when one combines the joy of pain with the ecstasy of an orgasm. Submission is intriguing to me in a literary way but it doesn't please me as much as it does some of my friends. We all have different needs. I'm curious as to how a dom has handled a sub who wants to self-harm and needs the pain? "
"The challenge I see is that one self-harms for a number of reasons. For me, it is an escape from reality, but at the same time a reconnection. Odd, I know. The escape is from the overwhelming emotions I feel. The reconnection is to stop feeling numb and start feeling pain. It is an incredible release but at the same time I know how wrong it is. I've often wondered if a Dom had a Sub who felt this way, how he would control it, would he even try to? Would he replace it with pain that he delivers? If a Dom is supposed to know and take care of all of a Sub's needs, I'd think that taking care of her self-harm urges would be part of that. I'm also curious that if a Sub was destructive in a mild way - not sleeping, not eating well, self-harming, small elements of self-abuse - how would a Dom deal with that? Punishment would only please the Sub who felt that way, as one of the reasons she would act out would be to be punished. I realize that there is a bevy of punishments that are not painful, but when one self-harms, it's not *just* about the pain. It's also about the failure, the punishment, and the redemption. It's an interesting grey area, one that could be dangerous if not handled well. In that way, the Sub could not be trusted, if she could not even take care of herself at a base level. Late night musings from someone who should know better yet doesn't. Kindly, Ana "
I do see a difference between this and self harm. I have discussed it a few times on the blog. I have found such posts here, here and here.
It is a very difficult area and I think the points Ana makes are very apposite.
I am interested too in finding answers to the questions she asks as I know I certainly do not have them all. I would be very interested to find the views of others who may have direct experience.
Ana seems to be hoping that a D/s relationship might help her meet her desire to self harm but in a more constructive way? Is this a realistic expectation? Have others found it worked for them?