Festive Greetings

I'm planning to spend the next few days with family enjoying Christmas together. I hope it works out like that!

I hope too that it is good for all of you who are celebrating Christmas. I trust all of you female submissives have been a "good girl" or Santa may not come. Alternatively you may get a spanking instead but perhaps that is what you wrote to him to ask for... !

*sighs*

Happy Christmas

- Pygar and Inès xxxx

fantasy and reality

(Sorry, I had this post ready to go up last week but some family health issues took over. Better late than never  I hope ...)

There has recently been a considerable amount of reporting about an adult actress who on Twitter accused her porn star boyfriend of raping her. If you missed it there is an article here.

There is an interesting discussion following from it by Aurora Snow here. Aurora was herself an adult actress. In the article she discusses how diffficult it is for some male performers to turn off work mode when it comes to real relationships. She writes,

"Lines between porn work and home life can become blurry, especially when you’re dating a fellow performer. I know. What’s approved of and/or normalized at work isn’t necessarily OK to do at home, too—a fact I’ve had to remind former boyfriends of far too many times. It’s part of the reason I stopped dating fellow performers altogether. What I convincingly “enjoyed” for work is not what I wanted at home.

I wonder how many men have difficulty in distinguishing between fantasy and reality when it comes to relationships and sexual activity. To what extent might the same problems that the male actors are having be replicated in those who watch violent porn or bdsm movies. What looks sexy and exciting on screen could well have a very different outcome if attempted to act out in real life. Is this particularly an issue for young men who may have more online experience than in real life?

Do any readers have experience of this? I don't mean in an acting context (though actors are welcome to join in!) but where inappropriate fantasy is attempted to be played out with problematic results.

doubting ...

I wrote a short post on doubts a couple of weeks ago. I expressed the fact that I occasionally had doubts about my role as a dominant and I suppose about the whole dynamic. It isn't an ongoing doubt. Perhaps it had just passed through my mind again which was why I posted about it. Maybe when our lives are taken over by the day to day stuff and whatever passes for "normal" in vanilla land a different perspective can try to take over.

So is that common? Is it a good thing to reflect? Is it more of an issue for subs than Doms? If so should it perhaps be the other way around? These were perhaps some of the questions in my mind. There was a good response with a number of answers.

The overwhelming response from subs who replied was "yes." There was just one Dom who replied and he said "no." That isn't a very large sample from Doms but the different response from all of the subs is interesting. Though to be fair Lea did say that her Sir also had doubts.

The doubts ranged from a simple unadorned "yes" to more detailed responses. For most it seemed to be occasional but for His slut and mc kitten it was "all the time". Misty and lindy thomas put a positive slant on doubting, that it was "just another way of seeing how we can better ourselves..." and "makes us think more about situations."

The thread got me wondering whether they were right and that doubting is a positive part of our personality that enables us to reflect and improve or whether there was an issue that all the subs seemed to doubt, some of them constantly. Does that become an issue if Doms are confident and subs doubting - or is that just what one would expect?