The excitement has gone - 1) Taboo

I was reading a post recently by a very experienced sub who is into bondage and posts some excellent photographs. What was particularly interesting was that she desribed how the thrill had gone.

The first reason she gave was related to taboo. So much had now become mainstream. Bondage was now commonplace and no longer a very special acquired taste. If it is now ok in mainstream books, cinema and TV then where is the thrill? That very special experience of it being somehow edgy, out of the normal, almost extreme and certainly on the edge of her comfort zone. She bemoaned the fact that now bondage had become almost mainstream, while she still got pleasure from it, that specialness of it being taboo and edgy had gone forever.

I wonder if other readers have this feeling. Do you like what you are doing to be slightly forbidden, not the kind of thing that most people would do, something that society might frown upon? Is it boring if it is mainstream?

still wanting more

I have been thinking further about Janet's dilemma - her email is published on Uncle Agony here. She feels a need to be fulfilled through having more than one partner. She found that it enhanced her relationship with her boyfriend - until he found out about it. It is clear that this is more than a selfish desire for more partners and more sex with no consideration of her boyfriend. If it was that then surely she would have just left him and followed her urges.

She describes this need as something she has been aware of since long before she met her boyfriend. It is only though since engaging with it that she has discovered that it is truly satisfying and something she needs. Though that may destroy her relationship with someone she loves.

I have had emails from many who have found this dilemma in a D/s context. It is perhaps more unusual in the context of polyamory. Or am I just unaware?

Is it the case that some people just cannot be satisfied through only having one partner? Is it just a feeling of being trapped with one partner - whereas having more partners gives a freedom, excitement and greater fulfillment just through the experience of having more than one lover? If one has such a nature then how easy is it to create a polyamorous or polysexual relationship? To be completely fulfilled does it need to be polyamorous rather than polysexual - or does this depend on the needs of the individual? Is polysexual actually less free than having true, loving relationships with more than one person?

Sorry - so many questions here. Is this something readers have come across or have experience of? Do you have a view on any of this - or advice for Janet who is desperately trying to find a way through it?

wanting more

I have published an email from Janet on the Uncle Agony site. You can read it here.

She describes herself as very lost and cannot see a way forward. She loves her boyfriend but she needs more. Experiencing more enhances her relationship with her boyfriend. However he cannot understand her need for others and different experiences. I have tried to discuss on the post whether it may be possible to journey together or whether she may need to set of on her new journey alone.

Do add your thoughts to the discussion.

I wondered too if others had ever to come to the decision to leave someone they loved because they knew that their own desires were not being met leaving them unfulfilled and unhappy.