Thursday, 21 July 2016

labels

There are so many labels in BDSM and so many interpretations of each. Just that one for a start. There are people who will give different words for the letters B,D,S or M.

Where does one start with the rest? D/s, Dd, M/s; submissives, slaves and dominants; Daddies and babygirls; sadists and masochists...

I'm sure we could compile a huge list. Perhaps that just shows the huge variety in what we do. In fact many call it "This thing that we do". Perhaps that is a recognition of the huge diversity in what we do but also the fact that there are common threads. Perhaps it says that there is more that unites us than divides us in all of our differences.

I worry sometimes though that people can get too hung up on a particular label and what it means to adhere to that concept. I like things to be inclusive rather than exclusive. I don't like to feel that I'm not quite part of a particular scene or group because my profile doesn't fit with a particular definition. I think it may be that I just don't like being labelled. Not just in this world but across my life.

But can labels be positive? Do they bring a sense of community? Does it help with identity, self image and self esteem? Or can labels exclude as well as include? Is this how cliques form and criticisms of outsiders becomes justified?

Personally I tend to avoid identifying myself with particular labels but I recognise how helpful it can be to help others understand.

What about you? Do you like to adhere to a particular label? Does it help identify you as a person and give you strength in this world? Or can they be a negative thing?


8 comments:

Devlonkitty said...

Trying to find myself. I know I'm submissive. I'm learning about the labels. This is hard considering I realize in this labeled up world I'm trying to escape labels with this new aspect of my life.

Pygar said...

If you are hoping to escape labels in this new aspect of your life then please don't worry about learning them all. It is good though to explore the variety of what is available in this world that I suppose the labels help summarise.

Good luck on your journey. You may find more about yourself than you realise. But most of all - have fun!

P xx

Wilma Rubble said...

I do label myself as a submissive wife. I don't however put a hierarchy on the label submissive. I think of it as broad definition, much like I think of the word boy or girl...or better example the colour blue. Take primary blue in which all other blues stem from as your jumping off point (label). Much like submission/submissives, it all depends on what other colours you add to the mix that determines the tone. It is still blue, the primary colour is in there somewhere, just a little different for each person mixing...of course until it is green...LOL. I suppose that is where the trouble and confusion can be found.

willie

Pygar said...

Thanks willie. I think I'm a deep blue with lots of light blue patches and some wonderful random splashes of bright yellow. I hope that makes it clear!

I had planned to write another post on this topic this week. However despite my fluent thoughts a few days ago I can no longer find the right words or argument. I think I wanted to discuss more positively the reasons why labels can be important to people.

Maybe next week if I can find some more clarity!

P xx

Wilma Rubble said...

Oh I do agree that labels DO have their place, provided that one isn't 'stuck' in their ideas. Labels offer us a point of reference, at the basest level. Take me for example, you know I am a submissive but as to what that entails in my life, well that is the variation. So in this regard, I suppose saying boy, girl, man, woman, and thinking of them as 'labels' or classification, identifiers, whatnot, helps in the general sense for another person to at least grasp some of who they are. Submissive, Dom, Master, slave, Daddy, little...whatever, gives us the same jumping off point at least. :)

Pygar said...

Thanks. Yes, I do see what you mean. I think if it is at least the start of an explanation, an indication perhaps, or a sense of self identification rather than something controlling and constricting. Though perhaps submissives are much more happy with "controlling and constricting". It may just be the Dom in me that hates being labelled!

Anyway, you have got the wheels in my head whirring for a possible new post now!!!

P xx

Wilma Rubble said...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh no! LOL. I know plenty of submissives who are 'afraid' of the label. I should probably expand. I ended up 'here' by coming through the Dd Door initially, only that in itself did not feel right for either (my husband) of us. We moved onto more D/s ( as Dd, IMHO is still D/s but I digress) with more aspects of BDSM. Anywho, many, MANY women ( I don't know many submissive men, a few but not many), who I have met along the Dd path still contend that they are not submissive. Those statements vary from, 'naturally' submissive, to submissive at all. Reading their back stories on their blogs, and their present day stories of their life, there are some I think, "okay then". You see many women believe it is 'weak' to be submissive. Many, even though embedded in the community, still believe that submissives have no voices, are not independent, are not feisty, the list goes on and on. Who knows maybe in their hearts they aren't submissive? Not entirely sure. Maybe they just go through the motions, I couldn't tell you. What I do know is there is an entire group of women in blog land who participate in ttwd, and shout from the roof tops whenever they can that they are not (some form) of a submissive.

Truth be told, when I first started this 'adventure' I thought of myself as a Dd wife. The word 'submissive' seemed too advanced for me. Since that time I have been told over and over again that I am a 'natural' submissive, but I will tell you, I am VERY feisty, very opinionated, I don't roll over and die if I truly believe in something, I can easily take control of any situation~ I just HATE it. Not because as one of your readers implied, I want to shirk responsibilities, it just doesn't feel right. I feel I am playing a part when I do so, (and I am great at it..LOL) but it doesn't feel right.

Over time I became okay with the word submissive. I didn't ever think it was a sign of weakness, just didn't think it was me. I suppose I initially did put a hierarchy in a way on the label. " That is too advanced for me". Trust me I don't feel 'advanced' LOL. It is just who I am, much like my brown eyes, and lack of height! LOL.

willie

Pygar said...

I do so agree willie that being submissive is not a sign of weakness. I have written on here often how I believe that a submissive needs to be strong. I think being submissive and weak is something else altogether - and I would be concerned about someone in that place. Most of the submissives I know are strong, each in their own way. And how could one not be strong to offer oneself so totally to another. My own woman, though submissive to me, is a strong and powerful woman. Her submission to me is her escape.

Thanks willie

P xx