Anonymous also wrote here
My rumination on this topic comes from the term 'play' for intimate time spent between dom and sub, or master and slave, etc. It seems far too cavalier a term for something so intense and intimate.That too hit home and got me thinking. We bandy about the term "play" about activities that as Anonymous writes are so "intense and intimate". Perhaps it chimes with discussions about the appropriateness of the word "fantasy" in comments on my previous post. However the word "play" is used commonly and is a useful word to describe much of what we do.
Is it too important, central to the dynamic, essential to a relationship, to be called just "play"?
15 comments:
This I have thought about. "Play" doesn't cover it, but what else could we call it? Nothing really fits...
I don't really like using "scene" either, it makes me think of a movie scene.
Thanks Misty, yes many use the word "scene". I am with you on this in that I am not keen on "scene" except perhaps when it is a very set up and contrived event.
Being a playful person I do not find too much problem with the word "play". I want it to be fun. So yes, let's play...
:)
P xx
I have always rationalized that 'play' meant within the context of a 'scene' ( lol don't throw things at the screen Misty). That is to say it is a moment in time, no matter how long or intense the moment, but the dynamic within that time frame does not extend past it. In our relationship we have those moments, but we (ideally) extend the D/s portion beyond them. The scene, scenario, is a tool to reinforce the roles that go on day to day, or bring us back to them. Basically for us, and what I know of Misty, it wouldn't be categorized as 'play' as it serves a purpose beyond the moment. Wait! I don't mean to insult others by saying they don't benefit from 'play', just that it reinforces our roles. Okay insert foot, swallow leg. Going away now....
willie
No don't go away willie - it is really interesting. You are very good at analysing the different concepts inherent in the vocabulary we chose to use. Even cleverer you make the distinctions clear and relevant to the actuality of what we do.
So yes, I do understand (I think!) what you are saying. Though I am not 100% sure that I am clear as exactly what you would catagorise as a 'scene' and what would count as 'play' within that scene.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
P xx
LOL..I'm not entirely sure either to be honest. I must confess I haven't really given it too much thought. I like 'labels' in many ways as it CAN identify people or situations within the context of the greater community. YET, I think we can only view those labels (or in this case I suppose just words) through our own experiences or of those we truly know. Never before have I known such variety or subjective interpretations of words as I have seen within this community.
I would suppose if I HAD to categorize, I would say that you can have a scene in either situation. Perhaps that scene is a catchall in my mind and 'play' would be a subcategory for those who choose not to take D/s outside of the scene? There clear as mud!
willie
Ah yes - labels. Dratted labels.
Thank you for trying to clarify willie.
I wonder if others have a clearer view on this...
P xx
Using the word play to indicate that yes, now we are in a power exchange moment works for me. That is a label - however dratted - that can adequately describe what it is we do. As Pygar says, "I want it to be fun. So yes, let's play'. I thank you all for leading me to this revelation.
Previously, as part of a 24/7 dynamic, 'play' was the core defining component of the relationship. Isn't that what the lifestyle is ultimately all about? The physical thrill? Who is a person outside the scene? After play?
But, which came first? The urge to either submit, or dominate, physically or the urge to give away responsibility, oops engage in power exchange of a more ethereal nature? I think the sex thing came first and perhaps the rest is, for some, taking the thrill a step further? Or perhaps a step too far?
Another clear as mud attempt at using words for a thing that may just defy definition and logic.
Thank you Anonymous.
I guess all of our relationships are different and the role of "play" within them will vary However, you have a fascinating take on this.
I like the idea of taking the thrill a step further...
...then perhaps a step further still!
So do have fun!
P xx
I'm back, with my overthinking mind. :)
To me, "play" makes it feel as if it is not taken seriously, and are there not serious elements?
Don't get me wrong, I melt when he says, "Come, I'm going to play with you." And it is loads of fun! But, I take it seriously (I think most of us do). We are not playing a board game or jump rope. I mean, he puts clamps on my nipples, which hurts darn it, and...what if they pinched my nipples off?! That's serious business. ;)
Joking aside, you get what I'm saying, right? In my mind, "play" leaves elements out, but it is indeed part of "it".
And, this... "Previously, as part of a 24/7 dynamic, 'play' was the core defining component of the relationship. Isn't that what the lifestyle is ultimately all about? The physical thrill? Who is a person outside the scene? After play?" ...my overthinking brain loves! I might have to write a post.
Thank you Misty for bringing it back to the key issue - about whether "play" is too frivolous to describe an activity that can be so very intense. Yes, what you describe certainly is serious business.
However I too have been thinking about this and wonder if that is exactly why we call it play. Because in the end he is not going to pinch your nipples off. He is going to make sure you come to no harm. It is serious in it's intensity and in the relationship that inspires the activity. However if it got too much for you he would stop or you would have a way, eg through a safe word, to put a stop to it yourself.
I think this takes us back to the issues we were discussing in the last post smoke and mirrors.
If you do write a post about it Misty please let me know and I will link to it from here.
P xx
Perhaps this may be the difference right here,
"But, which came first? The urge to either submit, or dominate, physically or the urge to give away responsibility, oops engage in power exchange of a more ethereal nature? I think the sex thing came first and perhaps the rest is, for some, taking the thrill a step further? Or perhaps a step too far?"
In our specific relationship, the sex part did not come first. ( Oh and by the way if I was one to be easily offended because of what I read, which I'm not, I would be upset about "the urge to give away responsibility, oops engage in power exchange" portion of this). We came through this door, and I should clarify I don't consider myself a slave nor am I in a TPE, via Dd ( to use a label that never really fit). While several aspects of that do hold an erotic nature, there were no 'scenes' etc. When we moved toward a more concentrated D/s aspect ( and I will shout from the highest mountain that Dd IS D/s just the view of D/s seems different than many seem to think in many circles) and added sex and BDSM intentionally to the mix, the loss of control did become instantaneous and its effects far reaching. However it augmented what already existed within our relationship beyond that particular moment in time.
All this to say that maybe the reasoning or how one entered into this portion of their lives is the key to understanding why they use the term play with less reservations than some others.
Thanks Wilma - I know that the internet is not a safe place for anyone who easily takes offence! I hope and believe commenters on this blog have no intention of causing offence however I know I find it hard not to put my big foot in it on occasions in ways that could inadvertently cause offence, so such occurrences are likely to happen.
Yes I think you may be on to something when you say, "...that maybe the reasoning or how one entered into this portion of their lives is the key to understanding why they use the term play with less reservations than some others." Though all relationships develop and new relationships form so perhaps this can also change over time.
Thanks for continuing the discussion.
Best
P xx
Hmm, I must ponder this a while now. It always did seem too nonchalant for ttwd. Thank you Pygar for making me think again ;)
Great to see you here Dani. Thank you for adding a comment.
It is always good to think.
:)
P xxxx
Do read the fascinating continuation of this discussion on Misty's blog here.
Thanks Misty
P xx
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