humiliation, needs and likes

The most visited post on this blog is titled Humiliation. That in itself is fascinating.

I started to think about it in terms of our recent discussions about needs and likes. Can someone actively like being humiliated? Where it is desired is it because if fulfills some deep down need? Is humiliation a way of creating a deep feeling of submission to another? Is humiliating another a way of exerting power and control in a strong way? Is it a psychological equivalent of a severe beating?

Are there any readers who like or need to be humiliated? There were several in response to the first post.

enjoyment and submission

I found it really interesting to read the comments to the last couple of posts about spanking. (You can read them here and here.) It was fascinating reading different people's perspective on what worked for them. There were some for whom spanking was a very deep experience which filled a real need and was something they desired.

As Dani wrote, "...need is indeed what one feels. The connection at a base level of humanity. ... Why is the desire so strong?" and "...they can be divine or torture. In the end the outcome is the same, fulfilling a need, want and desire on many levels both physically and mentally."

There were others like Jz who liked them but didn't need them, "It's a liking. I like cookies, too... but I don't need them."

Some though didn't particularly like receiving a spanking but still felt a strong need for one. little monkey wrote, "Yes, I do. The part that I need most is the intention in the mind that drives the hand that strikes. I need that. So much so it borders on desperation at times."

This was developed further by Wilma Rubble who wrote, "... I NEED dominance. In our house, often submitting to a spanking is the ultimate form of submission. Why? Because physically I do not LIKE spankings."

So for some, like Wilma, the need for spanking is to help them feel submissive.

I wonder how much this is the case with lots of BDSM activity. Does a submissive often need not to enjoy the activity in order for it to make her feel submissive. That is the point. If she enjoyed a spanking or another painful or restrictive activity then it would no longer be submissive. The point of it not being a pleasant experience is to help her feel submissive to the needs and desires of another and to feel their dominance in making her do something unpleasant. Does then submission to the will of another imply being prepared to do things or accept things that one does not enjoy, or perhaps actively dislikes, for the pleasure of another or doing it quite simply because they command it, however unpleasant it might be? The stronger the dislike, the greater the feeling of submission.

But many (most? all?) submissives do enjoy BDSM activities. They are fun and fulfilling and help create the dynamic. They can be full of desire and wanting (and, yes, needing too.) They can be playful and fun ... and still within the dynamic. So perhaps a sub can enjoy an activity, revel in it even, and still be submissive.

So is there a contradiction here?

Are you truly submissive if you enjoy all you are commanded to do and all that is done to you?

another spanking...

Thank you to all who answered the question in my last post a spanking...

I asked the question, "Do you need a spanking?"

There were many very interesting replies. The impression I got from those who said they did indeed need a spanking was that it was because of the way it made them feel submissive and emphasised the dominance of their partner. They might not like the spanking itself but it met some other deep need.

I was taken to task by a correspondent for writing "who claim not to need it - but who do actually like it". It was the use of the word "claim" as if I might disbelieve those who said they do indeed like a spanking that annoyed her! She went on to write, "I was surprised that almost no one else would cop to simply liking a spanking, rather than needing it. I think I can understand the point that spanking is a quick and easy way to feel dominated, but it's not the trigger for me." The implication is that there must be many who want, desire, like and even enjoy a spanking.

So that is this weeks question...

Do you like a spanking?

a spanking...

Do you need a spanking?