the views of vanilla friends about BDSM...

When I was responding to some of the comments to the previous post about coming out I had some thoughts about the potential views of vanilla friends.

There may be a significant lack of understanding from many in the vanilla world. When some have come out to friends it has resulted in a judgemental response and then friendships have been lost. However, I can understand  that some friends might be concerned and initially unhappy for understandable reasons.

In the case of a female submissive a friend might be shocked at the nature of the relationship if each of them had understandably strong views about the rights of women and their equal place in society. It might be that in the vanilla world the submissive in this case is perceived as a strong woman who would advocate these rights. This could cause some confusion in the friend who could not reconcile the submissive nature of her personal relationship with views about appropriate roles for women.

A vanilla friend might find it very difficult to distinguish between abuse and consensual use in a relationship or play setting. To many in the vanilla world much BDSM play must seem like abuse - especially the more extreme forms of play.

I think in these cases the friend who was negative might not be being judgemental but being properly concerned for a friend. It might take a lot of discussion and education for this to be resolved and in some cases may never be. If the response is not purely judgemental though then perhaps that is OK. Surely it is good to have friends looking out for you.