Sunday 20 January 2019

cunnilingus - dominant or submissive?

I was sure I had written about this previously. I was looking for the post to send to a friend. She had written online about how she made her husband go down on her to pleasure her as a submissive act for him. It was her exerting control over him. She even published some selfies of her face, showing her pleasure while she had him working hard! However I have searched for my previous post and can't find it so perhaps I haven't written about this before. If you recollect it and can find it do let me know!

I responded to her about the fact she seemed to associate cunnilingus as a submissive task for a man. I don't see it as such. I enjoy going down on a woman and enjoy the power and control of it. I responded to her with the following comment:

It has got me thinking about dominance and submission in relation to cunnilingus. Who is top and who is bottom? Who is the one in control?

I think there are many Dominants, and submissives too, who think of that activity as submissive. So many Doms do not engage in it. For them it is the role of the sub to give them pleasure.

However as a Dom I see it differently. There is great feeling of power in bringing a woman to orgasm - often several orgasms. Also in that activity the pleasure giver is the one in control...

Whether to do it quickly or slowly, whether to draw it out a little longer, whether to tease a little by slowing and changing what one does as one gets closer, how one uses the tongue and on what area, whether to create a long slow arousal or to go for a very quick urgent one.

Personally I love that feeling of power and control that to me is greater than of the one receiving it. They are the passive ones.

And to have caused such a lovely smile (shown in her photo)!
;)
what power!!!
:)


What do readers think? Is a man going down on a woman dominant or submissive? How do you think of it in your own relationship? I am eager to hear...

7 comments:

EsMay said...

I guess it all depends on who's deciding. :)

In our relationship, I am the submissive. I am overly sensitive down there, so I actually would rather not do this, it's too much. But, my husband decides when we will, and won't do it. He decides for how long, if he will suck, lick, blow, etc. I have no control. To help emphasize this, he will often hold my legs down so that I can't fight, I can't turn away. I am there, and he will do with me what he wants, and I have no power to stop him. My words of begging are often ignored. He decides when I will orgasm, I am not to go before, and I'm to go when he says. He decides how many I will have, no matter if I say I'm done or not.

But, I give him oral as well. Flip the roles since I am female and he is male for the couple you are thinking about. But in my giving him oral, he is still VERY much in charge. He tells me how deep to take him. He tells me if he wants me to go slower or faster, suck harder, to use my teeth or keep them tucked away. He is giving me instructions every step of the way. And recently he holds my neck or fists my hair close to the scalp to keep me in place, he used to just hold my head. I feel even more of his dominance now.

Because of all of this, both are very submissive for me, but giving oral is actually more submissive because it's my head, and his hands are on my head, and he's controlling my head and so controlling me. I feel more owned when he does things with my head than other parts of me for some reason... maybe because it's so close to the brain? Also, he's talking to me, where he can't much when he's giving oral to me. With the words, he's way more in my head. Telling me how things are, how I will do things, how he controls what happens to him because he owns the body that is bringing him pleasure. I'm called his good girl, told yes, I'm doing it right, or to move or do more of this or that. He controls the whole thing, and I just obey every command to his satisfaction.

Anyway... just my thoughts. :)

EsMay said...

PS, hope you don't mind, going to link to this post and ask the same on my blog. I can remove the link if you wish. :) EsMay

Pygar said...

Thank you very much EsMay for sharing all this. It is interesting that you find oral sex submissive whether you are giving or receiving and you describe the reasons well.

As you say, "it all depends on who's deciding." Yes, it is all about power and control.

Thanks again for sharing.

P xx

Pygar said...

You are very welcome to link EsMay.

I will be interested to see what your readers think.

P xx

EsMay said...

Thank you. I also added a note in my post. Something I hadn't thought of when writing here. And this is probably only applicable when the submissive is female... "I never thought to share in the comment on the blog that sometimes I hang over the side of the bed, and that definitely isn't me being in charge. He doesn't have to give me many orders because he's pushing into me any way he wants. *blush*" So that makes me submissive too. :)

Pygar said...

Do pop over and look at EsMay's post. You can find it here. (Her previous post is relevant too!)

I've also just received another message from my online friend mentioned in the post. She wrote describing her sub husband's view, "He says it doesn't look much like he's top when I text him saying 'your face seems to be missing from between my legs so get the f##k up here now and sort it out'."

:)

P xx

EsMay said...

LOL Yep, he's definitely not top in that situation. ;) :)