Wednesday, 13 March 2019

BDSM and trauma...

In response to a previous post of mine bdsm helping resolve previous abuse there were two very contrasting and very interesting anonymous comments. One of those respondents has written a more detailed guest post about it on Girl on the net's blog. You can read the post here.

Do go there to have a read. I am sure you will find it very interesting. As I find that most but not all of the submissives who comment on here are women it is also really good to have a male perspective.

8 comments:

Windy said...

Thank you for sharing this. The 2 anonymous people that opened up here are very brave. I am headed over to girlonnet now to read more....... Windy

Pygar said...

Thanks Windy. I hope you found the post on girlonthenet interesting.

P xx

EsMay said...

I read this the day you posted... I've needed the time to think it over. I think that what this man wants is very special. My heart reaches out to him, wanting to offer a hug, healing, not in my power to give, but the want is still there. I hope he finds that person whom he can go through that journey with. Someone who sees the hurt inside, and the beautiful release he wants from it all. I think he will need to find someone who loves him, deep down, who wants to see him flourish. Who sees the broken parts he wants to fix as something to lovingly not just patch up, but tear down and build new memories, safe and cherished memories where he has a choice, even in his role of being submissive, where he is safe, and protected and valued. Where this happens because he has chosen it, and not because it's forced upon him. I think that person is out there, that person who sees him and not just his wounds. Who sees how they can be his helper, his rescuer, who thrives in helping him be more whole. These are horribly inadequate terms I'm using, sorry, my vocabulary isn't big enough to know what the right words to say are... I am sorry about that, but I think what he is going through is beautiful, as sad as it is. He's looking for healing, and someday he'll find someone not only willing to go through it with him, but wanting to go through it with him. I have a lot of abuse from my childhood, some of which we are working through in our marriage, some I just can't, and I find his want to face this head on, amazing and wonderful.
EsMay

Pygar said...

Thank you EsMay for your lovely comment, very supportive of the writer. I have posted a comment on his article linking to your comment which I hope may be published after approval. It would be great if he was to find and read your very kind and empathetic thoughts.

I hope you manage to find supportive ways to continue to try to resolve issues following from your childhood abuse. Good luck to you both.

P xx

EsMay said...

Thank you, Pygar. Most issues have thankfully been resolved. I'm still head shy, there are still a few of the harsher nicknames often used in BDSM play that I'll never be able to be called, even in tenderness, I've had a few times where I had to safe word during spankings, and still feel completely unworthy at times, but most of it really has been healed. He took me through a time of addressing the little side in me we didn't know I had, she doesn't come out much now, and we think she mostly did because she needed healing, and the Duke made it safe for her to come out and get that. She needed to be worthy and protected in a way that had never happened in my childhood, and every time she came out, more healing happened.

I doubt he'll see the comment, and I guess I never thought about it getting back to him, but if it does... I hope he knows how special I think it is that he's on this journey.

EsMay

Pygar said...

Again, thank you very much EsMay. It is interesting that you refer to the little inside you that needs healing in the third person. I guess that is a good way you have of distancing yourself from that older abuse. I am please you have found ways of healing that are working so well.

I wrote a comment on his article linking to your comment so I hope he may find it.

Good luck and best wishes

P xx

Anonymous said...

Hello, this is Warrior, the person who wrote the article.
Thanks so much to both of you for your support.
EsMay, I can sense that what you wrote came from your heart. It reached mine and I'm so thankful for it. I truly wish that person is there somewhere, even if I feel much more relaxed about it now. I somehow became more friends with the difficulty of my situation and I'm being patient and open to whatever comes.
I'm sending a big warm hug to all the survivors who read this and to all the people who support and believe us. I'm so very grateful for your help.
Pygar, thank you as ever for your kindness.
X

Pygar said...

Thank you too Warrior. I am sure everyone will appreciate the hugs.

:)

Good luck to you and EsMay and all the survivors.

P xx