The power of pleasure and pain ...

I struck her quite gently at first with each of the four implements. She said the crop hurt the most. To continue she requested the crop. She asked for it harder. At last she gasped, flinched, her leg moving briefly from position. That happened just once more. A sub who had been trained to take a beating in silence, immobile - a test of her obedience.

Later as she was restrained open-legged before me I pleasured her with my fingers, my tongue, her vibrator. Many Doms would not have considered using their tongues on a sub. She moaned and writhed and eventually came with a cry that could equally have been agony rather than ecstasy.

So which had more power over her body and its reactions? The crop or my fingers and tongue?

I felt a great sense of power - and always do with a woman, in having that control over her pleasure, making her writhe and call out, that can be done better through giving pleasure than through giving pain.

the girl with glasses who carries her own books

In earlier posts about the geek and the girl - one of my correspondents suggested that the geek might be much better of with the brainy girl in glasses. She followed up that email with another containing this beautiful piece of writing. Reproduced here with her permission:

I am a great campaigner for the girl with the glasses who carried her own books.

She was a favourite of the boys not because of her looks but because she talked about music and guitars and sport. She felt comfortable in their company and intimidated them a little with her mind. While the other girls crammed their school bags with make up and trashy magazines, she had copies of the NME hiding the Marquis de Sade’s ‘Justine’ in her school locker ...

While the other girls wore their Duran Duran t shirts, she spent her time trying to look like Bettie Page.

She shared a science bench with a boy she hardly knew. During long, dull chemistry classes they talked music and his penchant for all things dark. He was wildly intelligent and intelligently quiet. They spent many hours loafing around in each others bedrooms listening to music and reading books in complete innocence. She read Justine and he, Venus in Furs … in the interest of fairness! They went to gigs in dark rooms in every corner of the city. It was after one such evening, in a cab, when he told her to slide her skirt up … he wanted to see where her stockings met her thighs. After only a little hesitation she did as she was told …

She was 18, a virgin and in possession of a sexuality that frightened her.

To this day, she still carries her own books …

Thank you T.

A growing confidence

I met with a submissive woman last week for a few hours of salacious fun. She was much more experienced than me. I was worried that when it came to it that the "kind Dom" approach would just not cut it compared with the much more experienced Doms I knew she had met very recently for similar appointments.

We played online a little for a few days first. I think that helped as we were real people when we met and had begun to build a relationship.

Before we started I took her into my arms and gave her a long hug. I explained that she was safe and would come to no harm. I knew if she felt secure, if she could trust me, then we would both have more fun.

Then I became "Sir" and we started ...

It was fun. Great fun. For both of us.

She wrote of it later in her journal and started with this ...

A beautifully sensual day, with a very different style of Domination and care. a Dom who very much valued her submission to Him, albeit for just a short while.

Both have memories stored away, of pleasure, of happiness.

she is still smiling here... and thinks He will be too :)

She then described some of the detail of what happened and finished like this ...

and thanks, from both Dom & sub, for the other, for the Domination & submission. Without either one, there is none.

Thankyou Sir, very much, for Your time, Your thoughtfulness, Your usage of cunt. she very much enjoyed her usage by her "sensual Dom"

So perhaps I have decided that rather than my style being just a "kind Dom" - it is actually a sensual approach and I am the "sensual Dom".

I think that will give me confidence again both online and in real time encounters.

The geeky "kind Dom" again

Thank you again for all of you who commented on the original post. It was heartening to hear that the geeky guy was so highly regarded - and that perhaps the beautiful girl wasn't the best one for him anyway.

I had a couple of emails about this too that turned it on its head a bit. One correspondent wrote "the boys always look right past the brainy chick in the glasses to the buxom blond in the bikini...".

Another suggested that the geek should look round at the other girls and notice they carried their own books, were self assured with a quiet confidence. The kind who would be charmed by the quiet geek when they got to know each other.

She wrote me a separate beautiful piece of writing about being the brainy chick in glasses - and how much she has to offer. I would like to publish it if I can get her permission.

Sadism or Selfishness?

A very good sub friend of mine has been using a contact site in the hope of finding a loving partner who can meet her submissive needs.

She has talked to me of a number of men on there who she got to know. At different times several of them started Domming her online. They seemed special. They seemed to want to commit to her. She threw herself in enthusiastically each time. Each of the relationships grew quite intense.

But when it came to the crunch they were all players. None really wanted to commit to her and were happy to drop her - but then to pop up out of nowhere when they got bored again. The emotional toll on her was just so destructive.

Were these "Doms" into emotional sadism or were they merely selfish with no thought or care for the hurt and harm they were causing?

The last one has left her feeling cold rather than angry. She has decided that is it. She cannot do that any more.

They have lost a beautiful, submissive and sensual woman. She could have given each of them so much. It is their loss not hers.

The geeky "kind Dom"

Thank you to all who commented on my previous post so supportively. I have had a few emails too.

The post was not inspired by any current circumstance. It was more about whether women really do go for the sensible choice but are ultimately seduced by the more dangerous man. I guess this is even more so in D/s and the notion of a "Kind Dom" might seem to be a contradiction in terms.

However as well as the comments and emails I also had a personal experience yesterday that made me realise there is a real demand for a "Kind Dom".

I will write some more inspired by the comments and emails very soon - and about the recent experience too.

The trouble with being a "kind Dom"

Sometimes I feel like I'm in the films - you know the scenario - there's a geeky guy, best friends with the beautiful girl - he carries her books for her and they love each other dearly - then the bad guy turns up on his motorbike dressed in black leather and with a snarl on his lip.

You all know what happens next. She jumps on the back of the bike with barely a backward glance, her skirt up around her thighs and her arms wrapped tightly around the strong body of the biker as he drives of to a deserted car park round the back of the diner where she gives him a blow job. Okay - they never show the last bit!

Meanwhile the geek stands forlorn, looking at his girl disappearing into the distance, wondering what to do with her stupid books.

Well sometimes the kind Dom feels like the geek.

Anger

I suppose we all get angry at times - about the injustices we see around us, the actions or inactions of those with power in the world or just the latest memo from our boss. Like everyone else I get angry about these things. I even have an ongoing anger about the way a member of my family is being treated currently.

But I don't feel this anger in my heart. I might get mildly cross at times. Sometimes, very rarely, I may snap - and it is only then that I realise I was angry.

In another context a colleague was talking to me about anger recently. He is a very mild mannered man but he says that he gets angry. He sees it as a positive emotion that can spur one to action about injustices. I wasn't sure I recognised my anger enough for it to influence my behaviour in this way. Until recently.

I became so angry. I was in a rage. I didn't recognise it at first. Where had it come from? What did it mean? Why did I feel like that?

It came at the time of the parting of myself and my sub. I wasn't angry at her. How could I be? I loved her. She'd done nothing wrong. It just hadn't worked out. But I was so angry. I wanted to beat someone. If she had been there would I have beaten her?

I don't think I've ever hit anyone in anger even though I have been hit in that way. I know that a Dom should never, ever hit his sub in anger. It would be a betrayal of their whole relationship.

In trying to work it out I wrote a kind of poem. It implied that if I had a sub near by I would beat her, that any future sub would need to be strong as I would be very hard in future.

Where had all that come from? That wasn't me. I didn't recognise this person I had become. Where had this rage appeared from? How could I control it? I had never ever felt like this.

I didn't know where the emotion was directed. At my sub? At myself? At the whole situation? Or just at my own failure?

In the end I think that was it. I was angry at how it had turned out. It was probably nobody's fault but I was angry with myself for failing. Within that anger the whole world - including my sub - got caught up.

I wondered if I really would have beaten a sub or my sub if they had been to hand. I don't think I would because it is so far from my nature. It frightened me though that I could even feel like that.

Anger felt a very destructive emotion at that time - not the positive one my friend had talked of.

I wondered too of those in close D/s relationships - collared, owned, 24/7, tpe, etc. When the Dom gets mad what happens? There are many Doms much more prone to anger than me I think. What happens to their subs then I wondered. That I suppose is where D/s can turn into domestic abuse.

I wasn't ready at first to write this post. It has taken me a long time to be able to do so. As the poem was so awful I later tried it out as a story. Sometimes creativity can be a great way of expressing and investigating our feelings.

You can read that story here.

Do you get angry? How do you release that emotion?