Saturday, 16 August 2008


I have talked before about communication. I now believe that it can be harder than I had thought.

I have had difficulties in this area. What I think I failed to realise was that to communicate to her Master a difficulty with his instructions was to the sub tantamount to admitting failure - in effect to admit she was a bad sub who could not submit fully to her Master's desires.

I think this is all the more difficult with long distance relationships - most especially in their early stages. Face to face a Master has some chance of recognising a sub's difficulties and responding appropriately. From afar it can be so hard.


David said...

I agree completely; I have always said, tell me what you think, I may hear what you say and choose to go forward anyway, but if you do not tell me, I cannot take things into consideration.

I think there may be a distinction in your statements between submissive and slaves? I would think a long distance slave, would provide the Master too little perspective without substantial knowledge.

Some examples:

her: you are the master of the house.. you make the ultimate decisions but do you consider the subs opinions?
me: of course I always ask for input
her: i would assume if we strongly disagreed on something we would talk about it.
me: yes, of course
her: fair warning.. i tend to turn very vanilla in those instances.
me: I would me more than glad to give you the opportunity to understand how right I am

her: My former masters never were as gracious as you.. asking my for my input. as for me.. i'm busy trying to figure out how to get a read on that quality of yours.
me: what quality is that?
her: how to best respond when you ask me for input. I think i like it that you do, most of the time anyway

her: you dont ask me to. you say i would like you to...
me: or I want you to, sounds like polite telling to me ;)
her: it is polite, very polite, as if my feelings are taken into consideration. and i appreciate that
me: opens the door for input, discussion, but not negotiation or rejection
her: even if compliance is expected
me: Yes

Anonymous said...

In some cases what a sub needs is upfront knowledge to know it's OK to ask for clarification if they do not understand the command. They need to know it's OK to ask for help without fear of being displeasing because they could not follow through appropriately due to their lack of knowledge. Long distance or not, I think it's common sense not to expect someone new to the relationship to instantly know what the desires are and how to act upon them. They need time and information to learn everything that is required of them. A simple question of asking if they understand what is expected and a chance to voice concerns or questions makes it easier for the sub to fully and properly submit. Leaving you both happy in the end.

Even a verbal reminder that you, as the Master, have their best interests at heart and know their capabilities, can help the sub to remove any worries they may have in regards to what is being asked of them and reinforces the trust they have placed in you.


Pygar said...

Thank you David and emdie for your thoughtful contributions to this topic.

I will add some further thoughts of my own when I have had more time to think!


Maryann Sloan said...

I am glad to have found your blog. Yes, as a woman who enjoys being submissive to my man in a long distance relationship, I can tell you that communication can be difficult at times. I do want to please him, and I also have a full life that is lived mostly apart from him. I live between the poles of complete independence and loving dependence. Sometimes it is hard.

Pygar said...

I am pleased you have found my blog too Maryann.

Yes sometimes it is hard. But I hope it is also worth it.