Happy New Year

I'd like to take this opportunity to say a big thank you to all commenters on this blog over the last few months. We've had some very interesting discussions and I know I am learning from you all.

Wishing a very Happy New Year to all readers and friends

Happy Christmas

I would like to wish a very Happy Christmas to all readers of this blog.

Whatever your circumstances I hope you find some magic and joy this holiday season.

Busy, busy, busy ...

I had hoped to write a new post before Christmas but ...

Well I promise there will be another before too long! In the meantime there have been recent, interesting comments to "edge play" and "body modification" that you may have missed.

body modification

I have just exchanged a couple of messages with a sub who I did not know until now. Her previous Dom insisted she have - I think it was five cosmetic operations. This includes a nose job and breast implants. The breasts are hard and out of proportion with her body. Her new nose was a very painful procedure. She hates how she looks now and works out strenuously to create a body image that she feels is her. She has published pictures of herself in the hope that she may get some positive comments to help her esteem and self-image.

Another sub I know has lost weight at the instruction of her Dom. She has gone down from over 20 stone (about 300 pounds) to an English dress size 10/12 (American 6/8 I think). I fist met her when she was about size 14/16 (American 10/12). She was happy with her weight and body shape then. However now she hates her body. She hates the way her breasts are no longer full and sag. She hates other sagging folds of skin. She is no doubt much healthier than before - and is exercising lots on instruction too. However she has not yet quite reached her Master's target weight for her.

These are fairly extreme examples but I have seen subs on contact sites looking for a Dom to transform them in such ways.

There are many other ways in which a Dom may require a body modification that is less extreme. This might be a small tattoo or a piercing. Such things may be regarded as more acceptable - but even in such cases they are often a joint decision for both to make and celebrate their relationship.

But if the tattoo was large and unsightly - or visible - or used explicit bdsm language?

I wonder if many readers have undergone body modification at the instruction of their Master - or have required it of their sub - and what their attitudes to this is.

edge play

The discussion earlier about paid sex - here - got me thinking about edge play. Edge play may mean different things to different people. Here I want to talk though about play that is consensual but potentially harmful, dangerous or illegal.

Where it is truly fully consensual then I do not want to be seem to be judging but ... well I suppose I do have some problems - especially as we are talking of relationships where such power is given to another.

To make a decision to harm someone? To make them do something illegal? To instruct them to undertake a task that was potentially very dangerous? This harm could also be psychological or emotional as well as physical - and such situations are even more difficult to judge. Is it possible to trust any person enough to allow them to have such power? But it is consensual ...

There are also levels of risk I suppose. I know couples and individuals who enjoy breath play. A sub friend is drawn to this and did some research on it. It seems there is no way of undertaking it that is not dangerous and potentially life threatening. Yet she is still drawn to it and I think will have a go. Another sub friend has recently written on her blog about trying it and enjoying it. I genuinely do not judge any of these people. They have measured the risks involved, take what precautions they can and are having fun. So should I not feel as non-judgemental about all kinds of edge play?

A couple of sub friends have been worried about permanent damage to their breasts due to punishments from Doms which caused lumps that they were worried could be cancer. Both were fortunate in that the lumps were not - but they were very worried for a while. I'm sure neither of them planned for this when they indulged in the play. So whose responsibility was it to ensure the play was safe?

I am very queasy and do not like blood so I personally find blood play or needle play difficult - but I know there are readers of this blog who gain satisfaction and fufillment from it. At what stage does it become dangerous or harmful?

If a sub is seriously harmed emotionally, psychologically or physically by her Dom then I think that is wrong even if it is consensual. I believe a Dom has a resonsibility to care for his sub and keep her safe. That to me is a fundamental part of the deal when power is exchanged.

But what counts as "serious harm"? And am I just being a wimp?

married ...

I have a couple of submissive female friends whose husbands cannot understand their needs. One of them would love her husband to spank her but, having the laudable attitude that violence to women is wrong, he just cannot bring himself to do it.

Both these subs have struggled with how to satisfy their own needs whilst maintaining their marriages. They have both found some satisfaction with internet relationships. But they both crave real relationships too. One may have embarked on an affair - which could be likely to put her marriage at risk. The other I think has at times been sorely tempted. For now though she has put online Masters to one side - but she feels a big gap in her life.

I too am married to a woman who would be horrified by this aspect of my life. So I have online relationships and secret encounters.

There are many of us who dream of the happy relationships that some of the readers of this blog enjoy.

pimped ...

One morning last January I dropped a friend off for a meeting at the university. I took a short cut on the way back through what at night has become a "red light" area. An area where prostitutes work the streets. I pass no moral judgement on this regarding the women.

At about ten o'clock in the morning there was a young woman standing on the kerb looking for business. It was freezing cold. She was dressed in jogging trousers and a thin top. She was hugging herself to try to keep warm. She was crying.

I imagine she needed the money to buy her first fix of the day. No doubt it was a man who had got her hooked on drugs to bring him in money and to give him power over her.

There are some very evil aspects of men's power over women that we should never forget.

Recently I was talking with a sub who had had a scene with a Dom where she had been paid a token amount as an intended humiliation - which she gets off on. But she became upset. She gave her submission and sexual use for free. That was central to what she did.

She also told me though of a sub friend of hers - a woman with a professional job - whose Dom sends her out to prostitute herself on the streets each weekend as part of her submission and his control over her. For me that seems to be getting too close to the Dom becoming the pimp. I have no time for pimps.

It is interesting too that for many subs being paid for sex is a "hard limit" but that for most of the escorts I know who are paid for sex that they would find the things most subs engage in as being quite beyond their own limits.