Wednesday, 25 March 2009

on being a slut

I called her "my slut" often. She revelled in it. She delighted in having rediscovered her sensuality and a powerful sexual desire. It had not always been like this. At the start she made it clear she did not want to be called a "slut" or a "whore". She was neither of these things. She could not understand how being addressed in this way would support her journey into submission.

But her submission made her wet. It filled her with desire. She cried out for release. She wanted release over and over. She started to call herself a slut. My slut. She became proud to be my slut.

She and I knew that this word is used as a term of abuse often by men but also often by other women towards a woman because of her active sexuality. If a man has several partners then other men are jealous. It is seen as a sign of virility. It can be regarded as a positive characteristic. Women are often drawn to such men rather than being repelled by their behaviour. Their sexual virility is in itself alluring. However if a woman has several partners, flaunts her sexuality or dresses in a sexually provocative manner this is often seen negatively by society and condemned. The word "slut" is then often used as a term of abuse against such women. In "real life", outside of the special D/s world we shared, I would never call anyone a slut. It is a horrible word in that context and not one that it would occur to me ever to use. However it is all a matter of context and understanding.

So when I called her my slut that was in the context of our relationship. Out in the day to day world of her profession and her friends she was a slightly cool and reserved woman. Nobody would have called her a slut.

In real life she would never have been called a slut but I noticed her beginning to loosen a little and enjoying expressing a little more slight intimacy and contact and becoming pleased by the results. But in our relationship we were inhabiting a special private place where we could be things that society might not like and that we might not dream of being out in that real world.

In our special place I wanted her to be a wanton woman who could be as sexually open and active as she desired with no expectations of society to hold her back. I wanted her to want sex with her Master, to crave it, to crave his sexual pleasure too. I wanted her to be totally uninhibited about it. So if I called her a slut we had turned the value judgement part of the meaning of the word around. It was no longer a term of abuse because in the relationship we had created to be wanton and sexually active was a positive trait not a negative one. So being a slut became an expression of praise rather than admonishment. I wanted her to be my slut. That was part of her purpose in the world we had created. If it gave her an additional frisson because it was something "forbidden" that she was doing, that she had found a safe place to be "bad", then all to the good. Sometimes using the word "slut" can heighten that sense.

So she was my slut. I had perhaps helped to create that slut. We both had fun with her being my slut.

But just recently another friend called herself a slut - though I thought with some reservation - as if she was worried she should feel some shame about a recent sexual adventure. I hope she can reclaim the word "slut" as a positive characteristic - as a woman who is confident about her sexuality and is prepared to have fun in the ways that she wants as long as she hurts nobody else.

11 comments:

elle said...

I've always reveled in the name calling (in a positive, sexual tone) between two lovers. IMO, it helps release the inner-animal and allows the intensity to escalate and feel more primal, which is something I'm drawn too. That said, I do not appreciate my (any) Dom using what can be perceived derogatory words towards me unless they are in a positive way. Sounds like an oxymoron doesn't it? Lol But I think you know what I mean. It's all in the delivery. =)

To the very few & far between who have spewed that type of venom because they do not understand, or to be mean, I offer this retort - “I am not a slut. I’m a bitch. A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you.”

taiah said...

I love being called a slut and a whore but when someone who does not understand my lifestyle calls me that, it is offensive. When another submissive or a Master says that I am a slut or a whore it is said with a tone of being proud of me for having that status. It is said, outside of sex, with a smile. We recognize the power of a slut or a whore and the positive things about it. Outsiders, not so much.

When Master Lex calls me a slut or a whore I beam because I am HIS whore and I am confident in my sexuality.

Anonymous said...

I love using that word with my little one [and only with her]. Much like your description, we have claimed the word as our own, and between us understand the context and know exactly what it means when it is used.

It is usually always prefaced with the possessive pronouns of "my" or "your" thereby attaching an honourific to the title/naming and thus robbing it of its pejorative context. [and on those rare occasions when 1 of us forgets to use the endearing pronoun, the other will inevitably insert a correction],

It works for us!

Lev

wanderingblueeyes said...

Pygar,
I love being called his slut and whore, because I am those things. There's no shame in being called such things by the person who nutures you to the point that you feel comfortable being such. I wouldn't want it any other way.

~blueeyes

Tristan said...

The pet is often, "my slut" and I say it to her at those times when she earns it. That's the difference between how it's used in the "regular" sense and how it's used within our community. To us, a slut is a person who has earned a title.

I love it when she gets that dirty. When there is no other word but that for her actions and, erm, I get to call her that a lot :)

Sir J said...

my girl loves being called a slut by me it makes her all soft and wet but she is a feisty thing and I pity the man other than me that ventures to call her that. I pity him even more so if I hear it.

Tristan said...

Interesting, isn't it? WE call them sluts and whores and they get wanton and growl-ish and we ride the wave of trash whorish behaviour like riding a horse. Let anyone else call them a slut and "them's fighting words"!

Goes back, I suppose, to being an earned title from us. They work at being what we want and at those times I know I want a slut. When I get one, I feel I've accomplished something :)

No one else gets to have that out of her. Not while I own her.

cutesy pah said...

having earned a minor in women's studies, I have read much on this word and its negative connotations in the vanilla world. In fact, I own a bright pink copy of the book, "Slut," which I will share some day soon with my teenage daughter.

I was often called a "slut" in high school because I was so well-endowed (36DD) and was openly comfortable with having more guy friends than female friends. It was presumed that because I had boobs, and talked with a lot of guys, I was screwing all of them.

The book which I read in my early to mid-30s talks of how the term "slut" actually allows girls to become more educated about their sexuality. "Sluts" are statistically less sexually active, are more selective with whom they have sex, and use protection more frequency and consistency than non-sluts.

the concept is that once you've been labeled a "slut" you're sexual and everyone knows it. thus, you are given "permission" as it were to learn about your body, learn to enjoy sex, and learn about the pitfalls, downfalls, and benefits to sexual activity.

Funny how the girls in high school who are sluts are less apt to have unprotected sex, and less apt to become pregnant during those formative years. Even if they do engage in frequent sex activity, it is with a partner of choice rather than just anyone who comes along.

It took many years for me to be comfortable with the term. Now, I crave it. The word in my ear spoken by Daddy makes me instantly wet. Because I'm his cumslut. Note the term, as pointed out, HIS cumslut.

If a man I do not know calls me a slut, they best hope their genitalia is not within my reach, or I'll crush their balls like grapes.

and, as for Daddy, if anyone wants to enjoy his slut, the word best be used with "Please" and "thank you" directly to him, not me.

as for elle's comment about a bitch, I completely agree. I used to have a sign which explained Bitch as an acronym: Being In Total Control Of Herself. I had law enforcement officers lining up to get a copy of that for their wives!

so, yeah, I'm a bitch and a slut, and damned proud of it!!!

just my .02 worth. Your mileage may vary.

wanderingblueeyes said...

Just a comment to cutesy-

"I was often called a "slut" in high school because I was so well-endowed (36DD) and was openly comfortable with having more guy friends than female friends. It was presumed that because I had boobs, and talked with a lot of guys, I was screwing all of them."

Sounds like we went to the same HS and should have been best friends. We could have been sluts together! :)

~blueeyes

M:e said...

Excellent post!!....and yes, its definitely the 'my' or 'your' which makes the difference. Terms of endearment between intimate partners come in many different guises.

hugs xxx

Pygar said...

Thank you so much to all the beautiful sluts who have responded to my post. (Forgive me!!!)

There seems to be a consensus that you are happy to be "His slut" rather than "a slut".

I love elle's comment here:
'I offer this retort - “I am not a slut. I’m a bitch. A slut sleeps with everyone. A bitch sleeps with everyone but you.”'

Thank you too to the comments from Doms who have expressed very similar sentiments to the subs.

xPx