macho Doms

Perhaps the title I gave to this blog (A Kind Dom) was a reaction to any assumption that Doms needed to be macho. Yes a Dom needs to be confident and at times assertive. Perhaps that is "macho". But I have heard sub friends talk of of Doms who feel the need to express their machismo to the extent of not really being interested in the response of their subs.

It can come across often as posturing. As if the Dom feels the need to present themselves in a dominating role. Many of you may have seen this kind of thing - and it is an image that seems to present itself often.

However if a Dom has the character to lead and support and offer control to a sub does he need the machismo posturing - or does that come from those who would pretend to be Dom?

displays of submisson

I have been interested that many subs enjoy having a physical display of their submission. The wearing of a collar is a very popular example of this and I know many subs find wearing a collar very powerful.

Others take if even further into marking of their body. Many enjoy the marking that can come from a beating and enjoy it when these marks last for a while. Perhaps that too helps maintain the memory of a special time. Though I am really thinking here of examples such as tattoos. There are those who have a slave registration number or bar-code tattooed on their body. Clearly this emphasises their total commitment to their role.

Though perhaps in that case Doms should also do something similar!

Physical manifestations can be a powerful reminder and I have occasionally used items such as jewellery, chains etc in this way with a sub.

I wonder though if many Doms wear anything as a reminder of their dominance and commitment and whether that is as powerful a reminder for them.

holiday reading

I'm back! Yes thank you to the commenters on my previous post. My break was a little rest and relaxation and it was very enjoyable. I read a very popular thriller while I was away. It had me gripped - it was well written and exciting and I liked the characterisation. However there was one aspect that troubled me. Sadistic violence and abuse of women was part of at least three separate threads in the story. Each of the evil and violent men had their comeuppance as was dealt with severely. So the moral was that such behaviour was evil. However given that this was used gratuitously in the novel I felt there was a hypocritical approach in almost using it as titillation to draw in the reader. It had the opposite effect on me when I read one such event and I really felt for the woman concerned - who I had begun to like a lot in the novel. Perhaps also I did not like the fact that some things used in a consensual bdsm context were described here used in such a seriously abusive way. At the end of the book there was a short extract from the follow up book in the series. What did it contain? Yet another scene of violence on my favourite woman in the book! This just reinforced to me that the violence against women was being used in a gratuitous and titillating way and turned me off wanting to buy the next book. Before that I had wanted to because most of the book was about journalistic research, finance and computer hacking in a thrilling way and described some interesting characters and relationships. I also fell in love. No - not for real but with one of the women in the novel! Perhaps it was that mixture of intelligence, strength and vulnerability. Or perhaps it was that she reminded me strongly of someone with whom I was once very close. In most ways they are totally different - but there were some qualities that I felt were very alike. So when I found her bound and prepared for torture in the excerpt from the next book - I wanted to do serious violence to the author for putting her in such a situation again!!!!!