sub drop

'Sub drop' is a term that is often used for the coming down a sub feels after an intense scene.

Thoughtful Doms will spend time at the end of a scene to help a sub get back to normality, to come round from what has taken place, to feel secure and cared for. Sometimes this can be a physical reaction and sometimes a psychological or emotional reaction. It can be akin to depression or sometimes is just physical shock.

It can also be delayed - not happening immediately but striking unexpectedly a little while later.

Uncle Agony had an email about this before Christmas. Because I was very tied up in personal problems of my own and with the busy activities in the run up to the holiday season I am afraid my responses were perhaps not as full as they could have been. I am publishing the email exchange on Uncle Agony here.

If you feel able to offer help and support from your own knowledge or experience I would be grateful if you could add a comment there.

Thanks.

on being a sadist

I have often baulked at the idea of being a sadist.

I don't think of myself as a sadist. Outside of a BDSM context I am a kind and gentle person and would not wish anyone harm. On the contrary I feel strongly about issues to do with people who are harmed by others.

Of course I wish no harm to anyone - especially to someone I love and care for. I suppose I see sadism as something that sets out to cause harm. That is surely not me.

But to cause hurt rather than harm. Again I would not deliberately hurt anyone outside of a D/s relationship. Within that relationship it is only as part of control and as a response to a masochistic desires that I cause pain.

In that context though ...

... well all right. I admit it. I like causing pain. It arouses me. It arouses me when my sub asks me to cause her pain. I get pleasure when I see that talking of giving her pain arouses her. I love the connection of pain and arousal. I love searching for the connection between pain and pleasure. I love exploring all these things with my submissive woman and learning more about each other and our desires.

Before, after and alongside the giving of pain though, I give reassurance and caresses and kisses and pleasure.

She says I am a kind sadist.

Are you a sadist? Is your Master a sadist? Is kindness or an equivalent a necessary part of this for you?

Why?

Why?

Why do we do this?

Why do I like spanking her, caning her, tying her, pinching her?

Why?

Why does she like me spanking her, caning her, tying her, pinching her?

Why?

Why do you do it?

Why?

The New Year

This is not about resolutions but about new directions perhaps.

The end of the last year was full of changes for me. A new relationship with a very special woman and consequent changes to a relationship of over forty years. I started developing my writing and photography in new and exciting directions with my new partner. There is so much potential for 2013.

I plan to continue to write here and on Beau's blog. I have also other commitments of caring for a number of family members. Life will not be easy but I intend it to be creative and fulfilling. I have many friends and acquaintances here - please forgive me if I have been remiss in failing to respond to emails. I value all the kindnesses I have been shown by online friends. I will try harder this year but may fail once again.

I have two important emails from new contacts to reply to about serious bdsm issues. You may get to join in on Uncle Agony. Please feel free to write in with your own issues. I may not have many answers but there is a wealth of knowledge, support and friendship amongst my readers who make this blog worth reading.

Thank you all.

Join me on an exciting journey in 2013.