Is there a competitive element between subs?
Who can take the hardest spanking, the most strokes of the cane, the longest flogging, the heaviest paddle? Do Doms delight in having a sub who can take the most pain and in showing her off? Do Doms encourage it in subs with dismissive remarks such as, "Oh ... you're not a real sub if you don't/can't/won't ... "?
I have come across it in comments on some BDSM networking sites. LM talks of it eloquently in her comment here.
Surely BDSM is not a competitive sport? I certainly believe it should not be.
Have you ever been compared in this way? Encouraged to compete? Felt under pressure as a result of it?
Or do you delight in being the BEST sub ever? But you can't be. Mine is the best. Really!
"But why?"
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Recently a couple of very long comments were posted by Anonymous to A Kind
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20 comments:
I have come accross it a few times and i move on, i find it rather childish behaviour and i left school years ago.
The only person im interested in being the best for is my Master and myself...i might not be someone else's idea of being the 'best'...and thats fine by me.
Yes tori - I'm with you on this.
I think many subs want to be "the best". However by this I think they mean they want to be the very best they can be for their Master. It is part of wanting to serve as well as possible. It is part of being submissive.
I am sure there are many Doms who, like me, think they have the "best" sub in that they know their sub is trying the very best she can to please him.
It is a competitive world though and there are many who enjoy competition. There is perhaps no reason why someone who is competitive in that way might not also enjoy displaying that they can be submissive better than others - and get pleasure from this, perhaps especially if it also pleases their Master.
Thanks tori for your very speedy comment! Yours was the FIRST comment to this post and nobody can beat that now!!!! (Forgive me!)
P xx
I must agree with tori, it is just silly to compete over " the best sub".
Everyone wants to be the best and I hope every dominant feels his sub is the best. But to compete for that? I can think of better ways to spend the time!
And KD, I'm sure your submissive is the very best for you!
Thank you nbs. Yes - I am sure she is the very best - for me. Likewise I am sure you are the very best for your Dom.
Just don't get complacent!
;)
P xx
I'm submissive and I do feel the need to be "the best." But I mean it as the best I can be for my Dom, not "the best," as in "so and so was able to do this, or loved that and you don't/can't." I have never inquired much about the past of lovers, and I take my limits as just that. MY LIMITS. Sure we all want to number one, but I think my loyalty, my commitment, my eagerness and willingness to please will place me above many others, if not the top.
Well done Bella. I think your Master is very lucky.
P xx
I love your posts - they are always so interesting.
I am new - so don't have much input. However, I am fortunate to say that what I have experienced has been a beautiful sharing of scenes wherein all in the group have been supportive and positive toward each other.
Kelly
Hi we really like your blog and would love to share a link with you. If you are interested please contact us
kinkykandi.blogspot.co.uk
Thank you Slave Kelly and Kinky Kandi for your kind words. They are appreciated. Good luck to you both.
Your comment Kelly about the sharing within a scene when others have been supportive sounds really good. Have fun!
P xx
This sub thinks, this competition is a result of the irregular desposition of top and bottoms. There is often one top for 3-5 bottoms on playparties, so bottom has to have a certain attraction to stand out from the crowd.
That’s the reason why this sub always arranged a play date for with a play partner before, when he wasn’t in a relationship.
That is really interesting sub in training. Yes - I can see where there is a mismatch in the number of subs and doms and there are many fewer subs that competition for the attention of doms will happen. I can imagine it even being encouraged by those doms!
My perspective is as a male dom with female sub. I have sadly never been in the position of having a number of female subs vying for my attention. I do recollect though at a munch that there were a number of male subs keen to chat with me.
I wonder if the situation is very different for male subs and with male or female dominants?
I may raise this in a future post - so thank you for introducing it.
- P
Neither of my Masters or Mistress has talked of me that way or tried to be competitive but I can see where it would get that way.
-slave ali
Hi Slave ali. Thanks for your interesting comment. I see from it and from your blog that you have two Masters and a Mistress.
I wonder if it sometimes works the other way round for you? That your dominants are trying hard to be the best dominant? I wonder if they compare themselves - or whether you do?
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that I do. Master Rick is my husband of 6 years. Master J. and Miztress E is another M/s couple we so badly want to play with. they live a state away and we haven't made it up there yet but they all have things they like from me. werw supposed to be moving to there area next summer and seeing them end of june. its not really competativd between them yet but im interested to see how the dynamics change when were all together. Master J really likes my hair n braids, and that I send my outfits to he and miztress for approval. Miztress cant wait to get me in person so she can "choose my outfits and ill be happy I get to wear clothes at all." lol. Master J has bondage furniture, a table of sorts. his slaves can be on it for hours. Master Rick has a big walk in closet with restraints. my blog intro was written by Master J. my blog is also moving. xlkgs disabled comments sitewide and wlnt respond to my requests to get comments back so he bought me my owm website and hooes to have it running soon. -slave ali
It is fascinating that you have several dominants who are all very different - with different expectations and giving you such different experiences meeting different desires and needs. I guess there is never a dull moment for you!
I wonder how they feel about that though? I suppose they are all comfortable with the situation.
P xx
when we finally make it to south dakota I will sed how comfortable everyones is. right now its easy, Master Rick is the only one who gets much out of me. my life is fun. were swingers. we have a vanilla couple here we sometimes see also. Im just hoping we get to see Master J and his wife/slave Miztress E in person soon. lack of time on both ends or us being broke usually hinders this. they usually let rick take the lead dom role for now but when i get to Master J's house he will take the lead. i will be his slave to do as he and Miztress E pleases with. Master Rick will take a backseat. my life is exciting. iv also got a long liat of people who want my time should I choose to give it. but alas im picky with who gets it so thelist is forever in waiting.
my post "talking vs. doing" covered alot of this in the beginning we all had to find balance. sinisterali.xlogs.org
Thanks for the background information ali - and for the link to your blog post.
P xx
I'm a competitive person anyway, it probably depends what they're like in everyday life
Thanks anonymous - yes, perhaps you are right. Maybe it is just whether someone is competitive anyway. Though I wonder if this can be difficult if one in the relationship is competitive but the other is not?
P
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