Wednesday, 29 May 2013

the variety of different D/s gender relationships

Early in the history of this blog I wrote a post about my use of language. It explained why I refer on here to dominants as "he" and submissives as "she". You can read that post here.

I do, however, intend and hope that my posts will be relevant to a variety of relationships with male, female or transsexual dominants and submissives. I am aware though that my own direct experience is very much from the male dom/female sub perspective.

It is therefore always interesting when I get, for instance, comments from female dominants and male submissives and from those in same sex relationships.

Recently I had a comment from sub in training.(You can read it here.) I wondered whether his comment was specific to male subs. That in turn made me wonder whether I was being very naive and narrow in not exploring more deeply the variety of experience in M/f, F/m, F/f and M/m relationships. How much may be common to us all and how much is specific to different types of relationship? Is there a common core? Might there be much to explore and learn from others in very different roles and relationships?

My apologies to any who feel my posts have not been inclusive of their own circumstances. Please feel free to tell me if and when that is not the case. 


11 comments:

Slave Kelly said...

Excellent post - thank you.

I do believe, in my opinion, that one major difference in the gender/role issue are the stereotypes, discrimination, and stigma involved.

For example, a male submissive will often face discrimination from male dominants; female dominants may be seen as 'less-than' in the eyes of fellow male dominants, and so forth.

Just one aspect wherein experiences may be impacted.

Love the discussion!

Kelly :-)

Pygar said...

Thanks Kelly for your kind words.

I'm interested in the issues you raise about stereotypes, discrimination and stigma. In the example you give of discrimination it rather paints some Doms as being very judgemental and arrogant. Is that your experience?

P xx

Slave Kelly said...

Hi, P,

I believe, people, in general, can be discriminatory in their attitudes and subsequent behaviors. Oftentimes, it is without intent or awareness.

However, these attitudes and behaviors of others can certainly impact an individual's perception of their BDSM choice (and hence, impact the experience).

Kelly :-)

sinister_ali said...

In our life, as M/s and being swingers. We have a non bdsm couple we swing with. Were all bisexual so its a fun orgy for sure. Guy on guy, girl on girl, girl on guy. Recently my fem has been having bdsm fantasies. They both want us to dominate them when they come over tonight. I'm not a switch currently but iv got a dominate streak so I'll see how it goes. He will text Master Rick and call him Master. Its different. Something fun but I think for them its cheeky fun. I don't think they want it to get too serious. Just a few scenes.

Master J says good slaves stay on the bottom where they belong, but his slave is a switch and I'm about to switch. He says you can't try, you either are a switch or your not. H also told me to see if I like it. Master Rick says it will be hot to watch. Mistress hopes I send pictures I'm sure.

So what are your thoughts on switch play and I guess to close it, Master Rick now has a male sub. We shall see how it goes.

Pygar said...

Sounds like you are going to have great fun tonight Kelly. I think I may be jealous. Do let me know how it goes.

I have written about switching before. You can read the thread here. Perhaps though I may come back to that topic.

P xx

Brigit Delaney said...

You have a very informative blog - and I appreciate the clearness with which you write. D/s is a complicated dance - and you explore it with honesty... I'm a fairly new reader - but a reader who was also new to me nominated me/awarded me - so I am paying it forward:
http://lustfulliterate.blogspot.com/2013/05/sensual-blogger-award.html

sinister_ali said...

It didn't end up being so. They had something come up and had to cancel. :(. Trying to reschedule. Your blog is very informative. I always enjoy reading your posts and even added you too my blog reviews on my blog. Sinister-cookie.us keep up the good blogging. If I ever switch play with them ill share the fun with everyone I'm sure.

Mistress Mari said...

I've always taken it as writ that people will tend to write relationships as they see and experience them. So when I am reading a M/f D/s blog, I expect to see He/she. I expect to see things from a male Dominant and female submissive point of view. When it is a M/m, or F/m, or F/f blog I see things much the same. It is only when someone has much experience with multiple kinds of relationships that they go to the trouble of defining things differently and sometimes it is for the worse because of the impact it has on their writing style. I feel that it is important to keep in mind that every person has different experiences and expectations and when you read someone's blog it is best not to assume the worst just because they wrote a certain way. :)

Pygar said...

Thank you very much Brigit for your kind words and for passing on the award. It is appreciated very much. I hope you keep reading.

Good luck with your own interesting blogs.

P xx

Pygar said...

I'm so sorry sinister_ali that your evening ended up being cancelled. Let's hope it is rescheduled soon and that it lives up to your expectations!

P xx

Pygar said...

Thank you Mistress Mari for your positive and supportive comments. I feel that if I was trying to carefully write in all the positives it would ruin the whole style and flow of my writing. I was wondering though whether relationships are occasionally somewhat different in different gender related relationships so it is interesting that you see them as being much the same.

P xx