Wednesday 26 June 2013


I just came across this article on CNN - Face it: Monogamy is unnatural

Is it? I wonder if jealousies in human nature can be a real barrier to polyamory. A bisexual friend was eager to develop his relationships in this way but his wife was very resistant and this has caused them real problems which they are still working at resolving. I would be happy for my woman to have a girlfriend - but another man? I'm not so sure. Is that a weakness in me?

I know there are readers of this blog for whom it works well. Are there others who have tried it and failed? What do you think of the article? What is most natural - polyamory or monogamy? I wonder if views are different for men or for women - or for straight, gay or bisexual?


Mistress Mari said...

I was writing a comment on this, and that comment turned into what could practically be a blog post, so I've decided to actually make it into a proper post on my blog, if you are interested in reading it here is the link:

Desireous said...

I am a student of Psychology and I have taken some Evolutionary Psychology classes and even have begun to develop my own theory in regards to this subject. I really believe that jealousy is what caused us to become primarily monogamous in the first place. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. When you consider that it's a man's world one would think we'd be polygynous however we are mostly not. Something had to propel this and jealous being the powerful emotion that it is seems like the perfect explanation in my mind.

Pygar said...

Thank you Mistress Mari. I'm pleased my writing inspired you into writing a very interesting post of your own. I do recommend readers to go and read it here. Thanks too for your support and kind words and for linking back to me.

I am interested that you found the article to be highly accurate in a biological context and that it smacked of truth - particularly since you have such experience and commitment to polyamory. It was fascinating to read of your own attitudes and commitment to that approach to love and happiness.

Perhaps what makes it work for you is your respect for your kitten, awareness of her needs and being prepared to be unselfish in your own desires. You put your love for her first.

Your whole post strikes me as being very full of good sense and attitudes I feel I can share - though I am far from being pansexual or polyamorous! As you imply we all need to find our own way to happiness be that monogamous or polyamorous and respect each others choices and needs.

Again many thanks

P xx

Pygar said...

Thank you Desireous.

You are right that jealousy is a powerful emotion. Mistress Mari too implied this in her own blog post where she talked of the "me" culture, becoming more sef-centric, was making polyamory harder.

However much we may see jealousy as a negative emotion - it is still very hard to dispel.

So yes, you may be right that it is the prefect explanation. However, part of me wonders about the chicken and the egg. What came first? Jealousy or monogamy???

Thanks again

P xx

Halloween Princess said...

As a cultural anthropology major I'm inclined to point out that marriage itself was created and defined by men originally in most cultures. It was to make sure that their property (however much or little that was) stayed in the bloodline. So, though I do not claim either monogamy or polyandry is more or less natural, I believe that some sort of jealousy started monogamy. (Interesting side note, in some cultures practice a system of heritage so that a child inherits property or wealth via the child's mother's brother. This was done because one can be sure that their mother and sisters are related to oneself. However they doubt that people are faithful to their spouse(s))

G.E. said...

Hmm, I'm in a poly relationship or rather an unconventional one. I think that pursuing poly relationship types push us beyond the "norm" and conformity. I don't think I get any less or more jealous than I did in a monogamous relationship. It's a natural human trait. Not the best one yet very natural and common.

However we believe that loving, caring for and have sexual desires toward more than one person is also another human trait. I blog about it quite often.

Pygar said...

Thanks Halloween Princess for adding a different angle to this issue. While agreeing with the suggestions that jealousy could be the cause of monogamy you add an interesting sociological and cultural slant.

Clearly monogamy is a perceived cultural norm. However hidden away behind this is the fact that infidelity is widespread. I wonder if we really live in a polyamorous society but one that is hidden and operates without consent?

Thanks again for adding your knowledge to this discussion.

P xx

Pygar said...

Thanks too G.E. for your slant on this.

Interesting that you get no more jealous in a polyamorous relationship than in a monogamous one.

I am sure you are right, "that loving, caring for and have sexual desires toward more than one person is also another human trait." I suppose the issue is how we search for and try to achieve a fulfilment of those desires in a way that all involved can be happy with and continue to feel cared for and respected.

We will have to read your blog and find out how you achieve it! Readers may find it here.

Thanks again

P xx

Mistress Mari said...

Pygar, thank you so much for your responses, I am glad that you found my post to have good sense in it. I feel like sexuality and relationships would be less of an issue in our world culture and in modern society if people had more respect for each other, and more honesty. I harbour a deep hope that we are slowly moving towards that as we become more open and accepting of people who are "different".

sinister_ali said...

I did a blog post on polyamory and polygamy. Master loves the idea, but at the same time has jealouse fits. When we first started talking to Master J and Miztress E he wanted polyamoury but was jealouse too. I think he gets jelouse when the world doesn't revolve around him. We have yet to meet them in person and were moving to sd next summer hopefully. I am excited to try it, but at the same time I'm not sure I can handle it. I wonder if it will change my marriage at all or how if it does. I wonder how things will go when I live closer and I actually am at the disposal of 3 tops. I can have any females I want but no single males. Jealousy is a berrier to successfull polyamory. I'm curious to see how mine plays out.