Thursday, 20 March 2014

How did I get into this?

One of the interesting questions that Sh asked in her email to Uncle Agony was "... how do you begin to get into this type of relationship? "

So just how did I get into this? This relationship in particular seems almost by chance. An internet contact, two people with complimentary needs and it is working out very well.

But how did I get into wanting, desiring, searching for a BDSM relationship? With me it came gradually I think. The desire had always been there - an awareness of the sensuality of BDSM play which I found attractive. It was some time though before I felt the need for a relationship - which is essential I think in real power exchange. For me that was at first online which in turn led to real play and face to face relationships.

For others I know that this search or development has been from within a pre-existing relationship which in many ways is all the more fascinating.

So how did you get into this anyway?

9 comments:

mc kitten said...

oooh good question! In my relationship it came from me. We've always been adventurous, loved sex, and loved exploring what else we could do, and it was me who felt pushed to explore more until I discovered D/s and BDSM and TTWD generally - finally I discovered the language and context I needed to describe how we were and what I wanted!

Naturally I brought him all I found and we've had fun diving deeper down the rabbit hole ever since.

Pygar said...

Thanks for explaining from your perspective mc kitten. Have fun down the rabbit hole!

P xx

petalsMaster said...

I would have to say that my partner (petals) brought TTWD to me. I was more "wordly wise" than she when our relationship began, she had a religious background where sex with a kink would have been frowned upon. Whatever shape our past physical relationship had it was always wonderful and I did not have a yearning for more, what I did set about doing though was to encourage a more liberal view on sexual practices and encourage her to explore. She found a website with a christian doctrine that also encouraged recreational, interesting sex without guilt. It was an eye opener for her and I just let her run with it, assuring her that I would not "judge her" or make her feel awkward about anything she might want to do or want me to do. I basically gave her an environment in which she could feel safe to explore her sexuality. She found D/s in the fifty shades stories and explored it more through blogs. It was petals that asked for a D/s lifestyle and though we had a rollercoaster start to it, we are settling well into our respective roles and crafting our own dynamic. It is possible in a way that she may have turned the tables on me. I now have the freedom to explore my own kinks and fetishes without fear of reproach. The Master/slave dynamic satisfies needs in her that I think she always knew she had and has brought something out in me that I have unknowingly suppressed for many many years. That kind of liberation comes from love primarily (in my opinion).

Pygar said...

Thank you petalsMaster. What a lovely response. Thank you for sharing with us the development of your D/s relationship.

Yes, it is great to be able to explore ones sexuality without any feelings of guilt or shame. Well done for being able to provide a supportive environment for petals to be able to explore, discover and develop in that way. it is interesting that it has then had a similar effect on you in enabling you too to further explore.

It is great to get away from fear of judgement and yes, I am sure love has also had a lot to do with the liberation you have both discovered.

Thanks again and good luck to you both.

- P

mc kitten said...

'that kind of liberation comes from love'

ooo yes! fab line.

Betsy T said...

Thinking back, I've had these feelings my whole life. I was fascinated by spanking (despite it not being part of my childhood), kidnapping, confinement ect. I never consciously even thought to pursue them though. When I met Sir, even when it was vanilla, I remember being turned on by how forceful he was and he often left finger marks on me which I enjoyed looking at and touching later. A few years later when he was with someone else, we started texting and it just naturally happened. There was no conversation about "BDSM" but our texts it just evolved that way. It's incredible really. It brought to life those desires in both of us. Perhaps if we never had met, neither he or I may have never know how incredible exploring your deeply wired tendencies could be.

Pygar said...

What a great story Betsy T. Thank you for sharing it with us. How wonderful that you not only found each other again but that it also enabled you to discover BDSM together.

P xx

Anonymous said...

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Pygar said...

It is best Anonymous if you email me first. The contact details are at the side of the page.

P