Friday, 25 July 2014

gifts

I read a piece on Fetlife recently where a sub was wondering why submission was often said to be a gift. Surely, she wrote, subs submit because they get something out of it. In that sense they are doing it for themselves. D/s relationships exist because each is getting satisfaction and fulfilment from it.

Her argument seemed very sound but part of me felt that there was something so powerful about submission that it at least felt like a gift. I wrote a comment to that effect and I finished by wondering if domination was then a gift too.

Then I looked back on this blog and discovered I had written almost exactly the same thing three years ago here. Then many subs described domination as a gift also. What do readers think now. Is there something special about submission that makes it a unique gift - or can dominance be a gift too?

16 comments:

tori said...

I do not regard my submission as being a gift, it's simply a huge part of who I am, but in order for submission to be fulfilled/awakened i needed a dominant, and for want of a better word for him to cultivate that submission.

To say submission or dominance is a gift, something special, just makes me think it comes across as saying "better" than one who is not either of these and therefore just doesnt sit right with me.

Pygar said...

What a fascinating and thought provoking response tori. Thank you very much.

I can understand your points very well and they have much force. In particular the need for a dominant to awaken your submission. However for others that submission can be there very strongly where they feel powerful needs to seek out a dominant. I certainly would not try to imply that a submissive was somehow "better" than one who is not.

I think for me the notion of gift comes from the specialness of that relationship - and the feeling that in submission something is being given. Is that not why the term "power exchange" is often used?

Thanks again

P xx

Desireous said...

I can only speak for myself but to me submission is a gift at least submission of the heart. I can sexually submit to someone who I'm not submitting to in a heartfelt manner or perhaps soul level and to me that isn't a gift. Its just fun, scratching an itch. I'm very selective of who I submit to wholeheartedly and to me submission is indeed a gift of me. I offer my submission to the one I deem worthy of my submission. There is no doubt in my mind that this is a gift a beautiful gift. Thus far in my life I've only given that gift once. I hold on to it, treasure it and guard and hope to someday find one worthy of my gift again.

little monkey said...

Is not Dominance and submission a relationship like all other intimate relationships? The best kind, and the most difficult to acheive, are those where we give the gift of ourselves to each other.

So yes, you can "be" submissive, or Dominant, and still, your submission, or Dominance, can also be a gift.

His slut said...

I'm not sure gift is the right word. I get pleasure from submitting. I don't submit to just anyone. I've chosen to give that part of me to Him. Would that not fall under the context of a gift? If so, then yes, submission is a gift. The flip side, Dominance is a gift as well. He is choosing to give me His Dominance. He doesn't have to and He doesn't dominant everyone in His path. So, again, it's a gift He gives to me. Maybe a privilege is a better word?

The thing is, I want to give Him my submission. I need to give Him my submission. How would that fall under the context of a gift or privilege? It doesn't.

I read all the time that submission is s gift and Doms need to remember it. Reading that actually frustrates me. What I need my Dom to remember is that my needs are what drives my submission. One of those needs is respect and acceptance for who I was, who I am, and who I'll become. To me, that isn't about giving or receiving a gift. It's all about needs. Isn't that what submission is about to begin with? Needs being fulfilled.

Pygar said...

Three more fascinating comments. Thank you too Desirous, little monkey and His slut for your differing perspectives.

I think you have helped prove my belief that the strength of this blog is in the wise views of the commenters who put my struggling words into perspective.

I like very much Desirous' thoughts about "submission of the heart" and little monkey's thought that the best of relationships is where we "give the gift of ourselves to each other". But perhaps as His slut says, "It's all about needs. Isn't that what submission is about to begin with? Needs being fulfilled."

So thank you all again.

P xx

Kyros said...

As a Dom I see submission as a gift as well as dominance,Not to say it is better than other relationships,I just see it as two people giving you a piece of them as well as giving you there complete trust.

I am speaking for my self but when i look at my princess all i can think is im so happy she trust me enough to put herself in my hand, to submit to me and know that I will do what is best for her and her future. I just can not see that as anything but a gift.

Pygar said...

Thank you Kyros.

Your comment made me wonder if perhaps it is 'trust' that is the gift?

- P

nbs said...

I don't know if it is a gift..submission or domination.. but if it is from the heart and a special part of ones self "given" to another person.

Partnership.. no, too dry.
Power exchange ..maybe that is a better way to say it.

Maybe because within my relationship with Sir, there is love and caring AND amazing amounts of giving..I cannot find the exact word.

Were I to ask Sir, he would expound for pages.

I won't... but we are lucky and blessed and bound to one another no matter how it is named. Gift sounds fine sometimes. Submission sounds right also.

Interesting that a group we attend is going to be having discussion times.. this would surely be one to bring to the table.
As always, interesting to read your posts and the comments.

Pygar said...

Thank you nbs for adding your thoughts and personal perspective.

It is interesting that your group is going to have discussion sessions. Feel free to use any of the discussions from this blog as starting points - and do let us all know if you come up with interesting new directions.

Also if you come up with new areas for discussion I hope you might let us know so we can join in here. If I am able to get online in Shanghai of course!

P xx

littleannab said...

I think both are a precious gift, to each other. its a beautiful thing

littleannab2 said...

I think both are a precious gift, to each other. its a beautiful thing

Pygar said...

Thank you littleannab (and littleannab2!)

Yes - a beautiful thing indeed.

P xx

MySubsDom said...

I see this as the difference between submission and slavery. Submission is a gift of a sub to a Dom. A slave needs submission.- it's not so much a desire as a compulsion. Given that, the gift in ownership is the Master creating a life where the slave can submit safely and to both of their satisfaction.

PickingDaisyBlue said...

The beautiful, electric dance of the D/s power exchange is a gifting to one another, in my opinion.

Yes, we both benefit...but that is the dance, as well as a gift exchange. D/s can be a mutually rewarding gift for both Dominant and submissive. I offer my will, my heart and my choices to Him, and He offers His guardianship, control, and loving care to me. It is a part of who we are, and we both need the gifts to flourish in our roles. When I grow and thrive in my submissive role because my Sir challenges,protects and lovingly directs me, my happiness soars and I am my best- that is His gift to me. And I give more back in return to please Him...a beautiful dance of power give and take.

PickingDaisyBlue said...

The beautiful, electric dance of the D/s power exchange is a gifting to one another, in my opinion.

Yes, we both benefit...but that is the dance, as well as a gift exchange. D/s can be a mutually rewarding gift for both Dominant and submissive. I offer my will, my heart and my choices to Him, and He offers His guardianship, control, and loving care to me. It is a part of who we are, and we both need the gifts to flourish in our roles. When I grow and thrive in my submissive role because my Sir challenges,protects and lovingly directs me, my happiness soars and I am my best- that is His gift to me. And I give more back in return to please Him...a beautiful dance of power give and take.