I came across a profile on Fetlife today when I clicked on an email link. It raised an issue that I have come across a number of times on Fetlife and also in emails to
Uncle Agony. I have paraphrased it here:
"I've always found myself fantasising but when I've ever approached it with a partner the idea has been shut down straight away. I'm looking for hints and tips to getting a partner involved in my naughty fantasies."
At one level it can be someone who has been aroused by reading (I first wrote
"coming across" but wanted to avoid the
double entendre!)
Fifty Shades of Grey. At another level it can be someone with a deeply submissive or masochistic personality who cannot find a partner to satisfy their needs in a safe situation. Both are inherently frustrating and where it is something deep in a person's psyche that they cannot fulfil it can be agonisingly distressing.
All the examples I have are from women in this situation. Given that men tend to be viewed as more assertive and perhaps aggressive, it is surprising that women find it so hard to find a man to dominate them or even get involved in some kinky D/s play.
An online friend had tried to get her husband to spank her as part of an attempt to develop a more D/s scenario. Despite several attempts by him to meet her needs he just could not do it. He had been brought up to be kind and considerate to women and had a deeply ingrained feeling that striking a woman was wrong.
I can understand that in a way. I believe the same in a vanilla setting. However if a submissive woman desired me to meet her needs through tying her up and spanking her - then find me the ropes and the crop! Just why do I never meet these women?
Though even I have my limits as a Dom. I would find it impossible to deliver the kinds of beating that some masochistic women crave.
Perhaps after all we men are just wimps.