fear

My previous post discussed punishment and domestic discipline and asked questions of when this might be regarded as abuse.

A very interesting discussion followed - and thank you again to all who contributed. Sweet girl contributed the interesting suggestion that the difference between dd punishment and abuse was fear.

But can fear have a role in D/s? Certainly a sense of heightened anticipation can add greatly to a BDSM scene. Perhaps this can amount to genuine fear in certain circumstances. After some discussion of this Sweet girl made it clear that she meant fear of the person rather than fear of the act. I agreed with this. Surely BDSM is built on trust - and can one trust someone who one fears?

But others may feel that even fear of the person might be part of a scene.

Have you been frightened in a scene? Have you been frightened by a Dom? Are they experiences you might wish to repeat?

punishment and domestic discipline

Yes - I know I said I wasn't going to write any more about punishment. I got tempted!!!

I was wondering about punishment and domestic discipline. Presumably in a domestic discipline relationship the sub should not enjoy the punishment - otherwise it would not help enforce the discipline. Some subs from relationships that they would not describe as domestic discipline have made similar points in comments on earlier posts.

But if the punishment is of a physical nature and the sub dislikes it - then is that getting close to abuse? yes - I know consent has been given as part of a relationship freely entered into. However there are relationships that clearly are abusive where the person abused does not remove herself from the relationship that she has freely entered into.

Intuitively I think we can all sense the difference. However I am still finding it hard to articulate the difference clearly and precisely.

a gift

Is submission a gift?

I have often described it such - as a precious gift from a sub to a Dom. Something that when given deserves care, respect and loyalty in return at the very least.

However this was recently questioned on another site. The writer - a sub herself - questioned why it should be described in this way. She wondered why was domination not a gift? She did not describe other attributes and skills in a vanilla relationship in this way. So why was submission a gift?

I still think it is but it has left me confused!

punishment, D/s and BDSM

Forgive another (final?) post on this topic.

I do use "punishment" as part of a D/s relationship. However it is not with the intention of punishing as such. It is because I want to! There is something of the sadist in me. So it would really be part of BDSM play rather than a serious approach to training. I still believe that praise is more effective for that. Though punishment can be fun.

However I want it to be fun for both of us. Though perhaps then it is no longer punishment.

I recognise that punishment forms part of the D/s dynamic and may even help a sub to feel more controlled and submissive. I think that is its justifiable purpose in D/s rather than as a means of control. A true Dom would have no need of punishment in a trusting and loving D/s relationship to maintain control. However it could be fun!

So perhaps my use of punishment is much more related to my BDSM interests than the need to use it to enforce my dominance. I feel no such need.

Though I have twice felt a strong desire to punish a sub severely and painfully. Both occasions were at a time of break up. Each time I felt I had been badly treated and let down. It made me angry. On the most recent case I have even fantasised about beating the said sub. However if she came to me now to make up I would feel no real need to beat her. The anger has passed and in any case a Dom should not discipline a sub when angry.

Does any of this hang together? I guess I'm just a crazy mixed up Dom!