who is in control?

Word wrote in a comment,
"One of the first things I understood was that it is the sub who is really in control."

A friend wrote to my submissive woman similarly,

"And as we know.  Its the subs who have the real power.  Without you they are nothing.... X x x"

So who really is in control? Who holds the real power?

face slapping again - 4 - my submissive woman's view

I told my submissive woman about my last post - describing my thoughts of slapping her face. She responded with this,

"I need to be slapped. It brings me up short. I need it because it is shocking. It is also demeaning. It reduces me. It cuts me down. It disorientates me. It stops me talking or doing anything I want to do. It is close to my brain and my thoughts. Where I am most vulnerable. It is more likely to make me cry than any other physical beating. Not from pain but..."

It stopped there.

"Not from pain but ..."

face slapping again - 3

I told her about the last post.

She asked me to slap her. So I did. After caressing her cheeks gently. I slapped firmly. First on the right. Then on the left. Then again a little harder.

She gasped.

I kissed her cheeks softly and stroked them again.

Then ...

"More," she said.

"Please more."

face slapping again - 2

The previous post about face slapping was written some weeks ago when we were in the early days of our relationship.

I am finding I am using it more rarely now. Perhaps it has become less necessary. Sometimes a stroke of the cheek with the anticipation of what else might be possible is enough - or just a gentle tap as a reminder.

Or could it be also that as we get closer emotionally I find it a harder thing to do?

face slapping again - 1

I wrote of face slapping here.

I wrote of my reticence in doing this. That it was such a powerful act with many ramifications. One had to be certain to get it right - especially on a first meeting.

However recently, the first time we played, I slapped her face. Then again. Again and again. With each slap her desire grew. The power of it took her over and helped her get into that space of true submission and control she was craving.

I sensed it was right. It was. I would not have done it if I had not been sure. The first slap was perhaps tentative. However from the reaction I knew it worked for her.

I know other subs where I would not have dreamed of doing it. There is something so powerful about it that when it works and it is used appropriately it can be very special. However if you get it wrong - then watch out!

To be continued ...

submission, feminism and equality

The previous post I wrote on this here has  generated some very interesting comments. If you have not read the comments then I recommend you do have a look.

Meanwhile I have been exchanging a few messages with waterfall whose initial message to me stimulated me to write the post.

She wrote that

"Whilst i consider my own submission to be given through bravery and strength rather than by fear or capitulation my point is that surely, by its very nature, an M/s relationship is not an equal one?"

My reply was,

"I think that for many their submission is given through "strength and bravery". I often say that one has to be strong to be a sub. As you say you have not capitulated through fear. You have a position of strength within the relationship - that strength enabling you to submit to the will and control of another.


Perhaps this does not imply inequality. Rather a relationship of equals where each takes on different roles for the pleasure and fulfilment of the other.


Surely too a sub has a right to certain expectations of their Dom. These might include being respected, cared for, being kept safe, loved even. Perhaps this is a fair exchange for the submission given in return. Can this not still be a relationship of equals? Each benefiting equally from the relationship in different ways?


That is not to say that within the dynamic of the relationship rights and control are freely given by one to the other. However they are given on the expectation of care and a meeting of the submissive needs of the other.


While this may seem an unequal relationship from the outside I believe that it can and in many cases is a relationships of equals. Does it not have to be for it to work properly - for it to be use and not abuse by one of the other?


Or perhaps I am arguing the point too strongly!


I doubt I have persuaded you!!!!"

So can a D/s relationship be a relationship of equals?