becoming a Dom

In my last post, changed, I asked about the change inherent in becoming a submissive and received some wonderful responses from subs describing how that change had affected them. It got me wondering if there was anything similar in the development of a dominants personality.

One would expect that a Dom has a dominant personality. But just having a dominant personality does not make one a Dom. In fact being domineering might be seen as very different from the skills and attitudes needed in a good Dom. There are also couples who have negotiated and developed a D/s relationship where the Dom did not fall into the role naturally but had to work at it. I have come across subs whose husbands while being strong characters found aspects of the D/s relationship hard to embrace. It was something they had to work on together as a couple.

Myself? I don't think of myself as domineering and am often seen as kind and gentle. Perhaps I have though always been good at getting my own way without making a big deal about it. Perhaps I have been quietly manipulative! On becoming part of D/s relationships though I have certainly discovered a side of me that revels in being in control. The power certainly feeds my self confidence and self-esteem. It arouse me and fulfils me in special ways. There is something very special in having a woman have such trust in you to give herself up completely to your wishes and desires - and of course an accompanying responsibility of care.

There are more subs who tend to respond to my posts than Doms - but I wonder if there are readers who have found themselves changed through becoming a Dom. Or subs - what about your Master? Have you seen such changes?

changed

Diving into submission, being immersed in the delights of it, giving yourself over totally to the use of another ... it is a heady and extreme experience.

It can be life-changing.

How changed are you? Do you delight in those changes? Are they all positive? Do you ever miss the old you?

public display

In a comment to my recent post on humiliation nbs wrote,

"I'm often made to show myself off in private places to strangers..who are generally delighted. I hate it.. and love it and of course, do it for Sir."

It makes her nervous and ashamed ... and she loves it!

There are some though who delight in showing themselves off to strangers. I suppose if one has such an exhibitionist streak then there is no shame or embarrassment but just the thrill, even power perhaps, of public display.

Then there is the display at pubic events where couples may play in front of others. I know many subs get off on being played with in public in this way. I wonder if it is their exhibitionist streak or the delight in the humiliation of being restrained and used in front of others for their pleasure.

Do you get off on public display? If so is it because of a feeling of humiliation and display that feeds your submission or is it the power of exhibitionism?

shame

I have written some time ago on the topic of "shameless" here and here. However I am surprised to find I have not previously written about shame. I suppose that was because I have deliberately and purposefully tried to eliminate any concept of shame from my relationships. I want a submissive to be completely open to me without shame. I have regarded it as essential to the nature of our D/s relationship. I have always tried to make my subs shameless.

So it was extremely interesting to read the contributions on my previous post by Missus Whore and ara. I was writing about humiliation. Both Missus Whore and ara wrote that for them humiliation and shame were inextricably linked. I am worried that in trying to précis their words I will misrepresent their views as I am still trying to comprehend them fully. So do read their original comments here and here.

What do other readers think? Is shame and the struggle to get beyond shame part of the thrill and excitement of D/s? Is shame or shamelessness an integral part of your relationship?