Thursday, 27 February 2014

becoming a Dom

In my last post, changed, I asked about the change inherent in becoming a submissive and received some wonderful responses from subs describing how that change had affected them. It got me wondering if there was anything similar in the development of a dominants personality.

One would expect that a Dom has a dominant personality. But just having a dominant personality does not make one a Dom. In fact being domineering might be seen as very different from the skills and attitudes needed in a good Dom. There are also couples who have negotiated and developed a D/s relationship where the Dom did not fall into the role naturally but had to work at it. I have come across subs whose husbands while being strong characters found aspects of the D/s relationship hard to embrace. It was something they had to work on together as a couple.

Myself? I don't think of myself as domineering and am often seen as kind and gentle. Perhaps I have though always been good at getting my own way without making a big deal about it. Perhaps I have been quietly manipulative! On becoming part of D/s relationships though I have certainly discovered a side of me that revels in being in control. The power certainly feeds my self confidence and self-esteem. It arouse me and fulfils me in special ways. There is something very special in having a woman have such trust in you to give herself up completely to your wishes and desires - and of course an accompanying responsibility of care.

There are more subs who tend to respond to my posts than Doms - but I wonder if there are readers who have found themselves changed through becoming a Dom. Or subs - what about your Master? Have you seen such changes?


Petals Master said...

Thank you for an interesting post. It has inspired a post on our blog, good luck with your endeavours.

Reverend Calleaghn said...

This is wonderful! I can relate to a lot of this. There are many ways I've "grown into" my Dominance and it's had the affect of enhancing my relationship to power in the world in general. There is definitely a difference between being domineering in the world and being a Dominant in BDSM and/or relationships.

I always appreciate your views. Thank you. I'll be passing this one on and adding it to my (soon to be published list) of favorite BDSM blogs.


Pygar said...

Thank you Petal's Master. I'm pleased to see that petals thinks of you as a kind Dom also!

Readers will be keen to read of that and your very interesting post on this topic here.

- P

Pygar said...

Thank you Rev for your kind words. It is interesting isn't it how growing into our dominance can give a different perspective on the appropriate use of power in many other contexts.

- P

Pygar said...

Readers may also be interested in Petal's response to her Master's post which also relates to my previous post. You can read Ptal's words here.

- P

mc kitten said...

ooo, I get to answer again, being a switch, whoopee!!!

I have had to be in charge of things and quite controlling both in work and home situations over the years - it's not something I enjoy, that mode. Exploring my submission has really helped with that, but it never quite felt like the big picture...

I'm exploring my dominance more now too, and it's been a revelation - a world away from bossy, over controlling, snappy, stressy me. It's far more about a sort of Mama Bear, nurturing side - and dipping my toe a little into sadism, which I'm finding to be just as intoxicating as masochism.

Again, it's about becoming more me, developing and growing, exploring certain parts and pieces of me, and full-filling potential.

Very much the same as my development as a submissive, but the other side of the coin, as it were.

Pygar said...

Fascinating mc kitten. It almost seems like cheating being able to answer both questions! Perhaps you should add yet another comment on how it has changed you being a switch!

I guess though we would get the same interesting response that again "... it's about becoming more me, developing and growing, exploring certain parts and pieces of me, and full-filling potential. "

Thank you mc kitten

P xx

mc kitten said...

lol, I know I'm a cheat-bomb!

it feels more like I've won the jackpot, to be honest.

being a switch, it can be what feels like twice as frustrating but then it can be what feels like twice as rewarding, too...

That itch you get? For some kink, or to be dominated, or to submit, or whatever your bag is - well I have several itches, I guess!

My submission one needs scratching A LOT, my little one needs scratching a fair bit, and my domming one needs scratching regularly. Not as often as the others at the minute, because we are very settled into him being top and me being bottom, and that is extremely fulfilling for me, but it definitely does rear up if we don't keep an eye on it.

and yes, ultimately, you're right - it gets the the same answer really, I feel fully full-filled, like I'm developing fully in all directions, like he really REALLY sees me.

Pygar said...

Thanks again mc kitten. I'm pleased it is all working out so well for you. We are jealous!!!!

P xx

mc kitten said...

oh god, don't be jealous!

The good bits are awesome, but TTWD serves as a magnifying glass I've found, so not only are the good bits more ecstatic, but the times when it's a bit off, or I'm I bit off, are magnified up into huge awful crisis...

double blessed but double cursed, thats me!

Pygar said...

I'm sorry there is a down side as well mc kitten - but I guess it was bound to be.

Good luck

P xx