Having got into it ...

Following on from my last post, "How did I get into this?" then - what next?

If it is a new relationship or a new character to an existing relationship then at least there is someone to explore with. That can still be an issue though. Couples can sometimes feel a little alone and lost in the same way as individuals when they begin to explore areas as seemingly deep and scary as this. They too may need support. So communities form. One can feel no longer alone, discover new and exciting things, learn and grow with the support and friendship of others. Sometimes this can be online as well as in real life.

For the individual it can be even more difficult. I often get emails from people who have discovered their submissiveness and wonder how they can find someone who will help them fulfil their hopes and dreams and meet their desires in a safe and caring environment. This can of course be fraught with danger so is very difficult. Those dangers can be emotional as well as physical. So it can be difficult to offer good advice other than through similar suggestions to those above. Real life and online communities of like minded people can be a good and safe place to make new friends and to begin to explore one's needs.

I do wonder though if it can be even harder for a dominant person. There can be the fear that to ask for help, to appear insecure in ones nature, is undomly and the antithesis of what one is trying to present. How can one be a Dom yet be insecure in searching for new relationships and one's role within them? A Dom is perhaps expected to emerge fully formed with a possy of submissives in tow.

So - next steps. Having got into this world how do you develop and flourish? Perhaps those who have blossomed might share the secrets of their success.

How did I get into this?

One of the interesting questions that Sh asked in her email to Uncle Agony was "... how do you begin to get into this type of relationship? "

So just how did I get into this? This relationship in particular seems almost by chance. An internet contact, two people with complimentary needs and it is working out very well.

But how did I get into wanting, desiring, searching for a BDSM relationship? With me it came gradually I think. The desire had always been there - an awareness of the sensuality of BDSM play which I found attractive. It was some time though before I felt the need for a relationship - which is essential I think in real power exchange. For me that was at first online which in turn led to real play and face to face relationships.

For others I know that this search or development has been from within a pre-existing relationship which in many ways is all the more fascinating.

So how did you get into this anyway?

BDSM and Sex

In an interesting email to Uncle Agony (which can be read here) Sh raised a lot of interesting points. You can read two very thoughtful replies by Petals MJ here and by Lyoness here. It got me thinking about a number of issues.

One of them is whether sex in a BDSM context is more intense, more satisfying, more exciting, more fulfilling - just better, I suppose! Betsy T wrote in a comment here that she thought women in BDSM relationships had higher sex drives - and that BDSM had certainly had that effect on her.

So does BDSM increase your sex drive? Has it improved desire and satisfaction? Is sex in a BDSM context just better?

BDSM and sexual satisfaction

Sh has never been fully sated by a sexual encounter. Might a D/s relationship or BDSM be the answer for her? She wrote about it to Uncle Agony. Do pop over to read her email here and let us know your views.