Thursday, 22 May 2014

physical

In my previous post I discussed the relationship between the physical and psychological or emotional aspects of bdsm. There was unanimity from commenters that the psychological came to the fore. That however much one may crave the sexual or other physical aspects, in the end it was the psychological and emotional aspect that won out. They were what made the physical possible, they were what made the physical work so well.

Beau had published a link to Domina Kat's recent post confession. In it she writes very powerfully of her physical needs. So I thought I might use that as an example of real physical need as opposed to psychological. However on re-reading it the psychological element does come out from it. And Kat herself wrote in a comment, "The emotional/mental is what leads the way in our relationship."

nbs joined in the comments to the last post to point out that however much she may have recently changed and become more masochistic that did not imply that the psychological need was not at the core of her relationship. 

I suppose all needs must have a psychological element. The very word 'need' has a psychological power to it.

However surely some needs just are deep physical needs. I wonder if we may be frightened of owning up to them. Is it too dangerous to give ourselves up to our animal instincts? Surely some of what we do is to explore this aspect of ourselves ... to explore those animal needs.

No?

16 comments:

Domina Kat said...

Oh yes...there are days when my inner beast rages to be let out of her cage to roam free, but still in those days...someone - M - has to let me out of my cage. Without the power exchange with M, I can't go deep, I can't reach that part of me that is out of control and wild. I know and trust that I can relinquish complete control because He holds my reigns and controls me even in my most wild animalistic throes of madness. And damn...those moments are the most amazing I've ever had. ~sigh~

Domina Kat said...

And THANK YOU so much for the shout out! :-) I'm my fits of madness can help shed light on the subject. lol

Domina Kat said...

I'm glad... ~sigh~ Maybe I need an afternoon nap. lol

Pygar said...

Thank you for responding Kat and for being positive about my use of your words.

Have fun!

P xx

Anna May said...

Yes! and yes some more...

I am not so frightened of owning up to it, I quite like it, but I do at times fear how I may be perceived.




Anonymous said...

It's an interesting element, to be sure - the physical need eclipsing the emotional and sexual need for BDSM.

In my case, I crave the pain. I dream of it, I write of it... but I am in a strictly vanilla relationship. I will never get what it is that I really want, so I find other ways. I can only imagine the high one must feel when one combines the joy of pain with the ecstasy of an orgasm. Submission is intriguing to me in a literary way but it doesn't please me as much as it does some of my friends.

We all have different needs. I'm curious as to how a dom has handled a sub who wants to self-harm and needs the pain?

Pygar said...

Thank you Anna May. I am pleased you feel happy to own up to it here!

P xx

Pygar said...

Thanks too Anonymous. I am sorry that you fear you may never experience what you crave in this way.

However I do see a difference between this and self harm. I have discussed it a few times on the blog. On a quick search I have found a few posts that you might find interesting if you look here, here or here.

Do write if you would like to discuss this further.

P xx

His slut said...

Owning up to it is hard. Once given the acceptance for it, it makes out so much easier. Definitely, some of my physical needs are very animalistic. Master is aware, accepts, and allows me to fulfill that need. It's those times submission is almost thrown out the window. Not purposely, and He reigns me back in, but yes, I do believe when you look deep enough, that physical need is the beast finally allowing to come out and play.

Pygar said...

Thanks His slut. I think you may not be alone in finding that "owning up to it" is hard.

I do like your description, "that physical need is the beast finally allowing to come out and play.

Good luck

P xx

nbs said...

I must agree with His slut, that owning up to that "need" is very hard. It surprises me just how very hard!

But now that I've accepted that need in my own self, generally I am comfortable with having those needs met by Sir.

There are times of course, when it is just too much to accept and I think I'll fly off the world in some scattered bits of confusion.

Those are the times when I'm so very thankful that Sir can see it is too much, whatever "it" might be.
He always makes sure to help me find my way back to him and myself.

And yes, that word "need" sure does have a lot of psychological power. There have been times when Sir has made me tell him exactly what I need... very difficult to do!
Thanks for this conversation!

Pygar said...

Thank you nbs for contributing to the conversation.

It is interesting how you too find it difficult to own up to the need - even to your Sir.

Isn't though bdsm all about exploring and satiating such needs - allowing them to emerge and immersing ourselves in their fulfilment?

Thanks again

P xx

nbs said...

True.. it is odd that I find it difficult to own up to my needs.. even though bdsm is about being open and honest and being immersed in that fulfilment..( I love that line!)
As time goes along, I am less shy and more open .. so I think it is probably normal to be reluctant at first and then more and more open. At least, that is how I see myself.
cheers~
n

Pygar said...

Thank you very much nbs. I think I may expand on this interesting area in my next post.

Good luck

P xx

Anonymous said...

Pygar - thank you for the response. I had previously read your posts on self-harm but reread them at your direction ;-)

The challenge I see is that one self-harms for a number of reasons. For me, it is an escape from reality, but at the same time a reconnection. Odd, I know. The escape is from the overwhelming emotions I feel. The reconnection is to stop feeling numb and start feeling pain. It is an incredible release but at the same time I know how wrong it is.

I've often wondered if a Dom had a Sub who felt this way, how he would control it, would he even try to? Would he replace it with pain that he delivers? If a Dom is supposed to know and take care of all of a Sub's needs, I'd think that taking care of her self-harm urges would be part of that.

I'm also curious that if a Sub was destructive in a mild way - not sleeping, not eating well, self-harming, small elements of self-abuse - how would a Dom deal with that? Punishment would only please the Sub who felt that way, as one of the reasons she would act out would be to be punished. I realize that there is a bevy of punishments that are not painful, but when one self-harms, it's not *just* about the pain. It's also about the failure, the punishment, and the redemption.

It's an interesting grey area, one that could be dangerous if not handled well. In that way, the Sub could not be trusted, if she could not even take care of herself at a base level.

Late night musings from someone who should know better yet doesn't.

Kindly,
Ana

Pygar said...

Thank you Ana. LOL at you re-reading the posts on self harm "at my direction"!

I'm sorry that didn't lead to the answers you are seeking. it is a very difficult area and I think the points you make are very apposite.

I am interested too in finding answers to the questions you ask as I know I certainly do not have them all. So I will use your comment as the stimulus for a new post where I hope we may get the views of others who may have direct experience.

I wonder though in your own situation - are you hoping that a D/s relationship might help you meet your desire to self harm but in a more constructive way?

P xx