gifts

I read a piece on Fetlife recently where a sub was wondering why submission was often said to be a gift. Surely, she wrote, subs submit because they get something out of it. In that sense they are doing it for themselves. D/s relationships exist because each is getting satisfaction and fulfilment from it.

Her argument seemed very sound but part of me felt that there was something so powerful about submission that it at least felt like a gift. I wrote a comment to that effect and I finished by wondering if domination was then a gift too.

Then I looked back on this blog and discovered I had written almost exactly the same thing three years ago here. Then many subs described domination as a gift also. What do readers think now. Is there something special about submission that makes it a unique gift - or can dominance be a gift too?

Shanghai

In a few weeks I am hoping to be going to China for most of the following 12 months. I am not planning to keep my blogs active while I am away. If you are from Shanghai or know the city well do write to say hi!

I have only one draft post ready before I go. So if there are any topics that you would like to see discussed here or old topics that you feel could be revisited then do write and let me know.

trust, intensity and safety

I had a number of interesting conversations at a recent munch. In one I was chatting with two guys. I agreed with one who said that the nature of trust in D/s relations made for a high level of intimacy and commitment. However the other disagreed.

I had described the trust necessary to allow someone to tie you and place yourself totally in their power. However he argued that was no more trusting than inviting a stranger in for a coffee after a few drinks in a bar having met for the first time. He felt this was possibly even more trusting. After all - are not those in the D/s scene actually more trustworthy people?

So would you trust a Dom more than any other passing psychopath? Is trusting a Dom no more dangerous than the trust needed to be alone with someone after one or two meetings? So is the level of trust in D/s no greater than in other relationships and therefore the intensity of the relationship no greater?

style ...

Perhaps it is all a mater of style.

I was thinking about this initially because of a question I was asked about brattiness by libby which I answered here. I have written previously specifically about brattiness and you can read my thoughts here and here. However on this occasion I found myself comparing styles of submission. There are those who like to be forced into submission. This is not exclusive to those who describe themselves as brats or who are into brattish styles of behaviour. There are others who enjoy the experience of being forced, who like to have their will challenged and broken, who like the element of fight before they are overpowered, who enjoy a battle of wills and seeing their own controlling instincts broken down. Some just like to be broken.

I am not sure though that I am the kind of Dom who enjoys this fight. Don't get me wrong - I do like strong women. Most of my subs have been strong and powerful women in their own way and often very controlling themselves in their instincts. However I do not want constant battles.

Rather than being forced into submitting to my desires I want them instead to plead to be allowed to try to meet them. I love a sub who learns to plead prettily to meet my needs and does so eagerly with enthusiasm.

Is this just a matter of style or is it a more fundamental difference?